caroline18, I've been reading your thread, and I'm so sorry to hear about all these horrible discoveries . I think that for you to get through the next few days up to your partner coming home, you have to try and NOT think about why he might have done this, HOW he could be so cruel, HOW could you not have noticed before etc, and concentrate on YOURSELF, your children, and how to move on. At this stage, knowing if he slept with someone else or not (assuming he will admit to anything, which it doesn't sound as though he will), or why he started wearing a ring and chain at this stage of his life, isn't going to put your mind at rest, is it? And the reason that your calmness last time you had a fight drove him mad, was because he could see that his manipulation WASN'T HAVING THE EFFECT HE WANTED, in other words, he wasn't able to control you, your feelings, your emotions, as he had been able to previously. He clearly doesn't deserve all this emotional energy and angst that you are spending on him .....
You really are getting stronger, I can tell just by reading your posts (as well as angrier, which is a good thing I think...). Try and clear your mind of all those awful questions that you instinctively want answers to, and formulate an escape plan, a next stage plan, whatever you want to call it. As soon as you know what you are going to do next, you will feel 100 times calmer and more in control. REALLY good luck, I will be thinking of you...