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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I stop being jealous?

130 replies

caroline18 · 21/03/2005 09:40

I have only recently realised how jealous a person i am. If i dont try to do something about it is going to wreak my relationship with my partner and it is driving me insane an him. Can anyone please give me some advice or tips on how to control it.

thanks
caroline18

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 22/03/2005 11:32

at the tablets thing.

I really do think this is sounding very suspicious. At the very least i think your p is being emotionally abusive to you. whatever you decide to do, try and keep in touch with your friends/family so you can get a reality check.

TheVillageIdiot · 22/03/2005 11:32

and you've never met her?

mummytosteven · 22/03/2005 11:33

how would you feel about going to Relate by yourself to think things through/get an outsider's perspective?

Relate aren't just for keeping relationships together, but for helping you get your head sorted, and even about managing leaving if that's what's best for you.

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:36

i would have no problem in going to relate
and yes i have never met the woman who phoned to ask if i were the jealous type

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:36

i know i am not perfect but who is in life

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:37

he taking away what little self esteem i have left

OP posts:
SleepyJess · 22/03/2005 11:41

Don't let him do it anymore Caroline. You do have options here.. plan what you need to say to him as soon as you see him again.. and say it. You need to decide to 'face the music' but it can't be much worse than what he has been putting you through lately! Don't let it carry on anymore.

SJ x

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:45

there are so many other things then i keep thinking what hes told me in all in my head when the topic comes up he goes balistic and it is frighting for me but especially for kids

OP posts:
TheVillageIdiot · 22/03/2005 11:51

So what did he say to this woman to make her feel that she could phone a women she's never even met and ask a question such as that?? did you ask her? and do you not think it's strange that you've never met his best friends wife?

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:55

he said to her he was worried about me my partner bfriend is alot older that us.

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 11:55

I'm tempted to say you should ask him outright if he's slept with someone else. If he does leave, you will feel crappy for a while but the arguments and uncertainty will be over. And he'll have made the decision for you.

coppertop · 22/03/2005 11:55

Even if he isn't having an affair of some kind his behaviour is truly appalling! How dare he treat you like this?!

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:58

yes if i ask him outright if he slept with another person he will never give me a straight answer

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 11:59

he will leave knowing that he never told me

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 12:01

sounds like he wants you to ask him so he can have an excuse to leave. you can't live like this caroline18.

wild · 22/03/2005 12:04

Happydaddy can I just ask how your dw encouraged you to communcicate? I find it really hard to get dp to talk

Socci · 22/03/2005 12:07

Message withdrawn

HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 12:09

she just sat in front of me going "tell me what's wrong" until i buckled

before we were together she used to ask general questions that made me think about things. she also reminded me that she was there for me if i wanted to talk, no pressure. And that she was worried about me, not meddling. i found it much easier to open up then, I'm completely different to how i was before i met her.

wild · 22/03/2005 12:12

mmm well thanks, happydaddy, I'll try it!
caroline so sorry about this.

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 12:15

I must love him otherwise i wouldnt feel like this keep telling myself to carry on with things here let him get on with it but its very difficult he says he working overseas for us as a family but has not included me in this at all and i told him what the point of working if we were no longer a family he said once he had a project finished he would split money down middle and i could do what i wanted

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 12:15

Remember not to lose your rag if he wont budge, he wont change overnight and a row just makes us clam up. He'll start talking when you least expect it. And you'll feel closer to each other when you do.

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 12:16

but i am the type of person if something is eating away at me i have got to say something

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 12:17

caroline, it's very easy to plod along as things are rather than face the uncertainty of life without him. It doesn't necessarily mean you love him, though. He's stringing you along, hoping you'll tell him to leave.

Original poster
caroline18 · 22/03/2005 12:19

we had a bust up few nights ago i told him it was over and we were finished i was so calm he couldnt believe so he went out with our eldest girl to calm down and next morning i didnt say anything to him he was the one that say sorry

OP posts:
Socci · 22/03/2005 12:22

Message withdrawn

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