I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

Good luck for today. I hope MIL does apologise is some way. But remember to hold your head up high and smile. Thinking of you and your family.

Hey THUM, well done you. You know you are stronger then you probably ever thought you were. I come from the fishwife way of dealing with stuff too . Your DH stepped up to the plate for you and to be honest I didnt think he would after his shenanagins the past few days. So well done to him too.

Great advice from all the others re moving forward and especially at the moment about how to handle today, staying together, code words to leave etc.

You have maintained your dignity throughout and I have no doubt today will be no different.

Hopefully the MIL will not ruin the day for everyone else especially the parents of the little baby being christened, but somehow I think that is doubtful.

Inlaws eh? Where would you be without them???

Enjoy your day and I look forward to hearing how it went, hopefully you will have only good things to report.

Have just skimmed through this whole sorry tale - think you have been amazing.

Sounds like this has been a long time coming. Really hope it goes well today - you and your DH will come through this so much stronger. And I agree with Twiglett that you should be careful of drinking too much (nice to see you btw Twiglett

can someone give me a very quick update please as only peeking in to see whats happened and don't have time for 13pages

has blood been spilt? is mother in law in her place

anyone?!?!?

Here you go Dizzy....

Thishasupsetme on Sat 08-Nov-08 10:25:23
Well that was quicker that I expected it to be. FWIW I don't think he has it in him to ring her and warn her before hand, I don't think he has even spoken to her (apart from now) about it.

He wrote down what he wanted to say, she tried to deny it all, but he caught her short and told her he knows what she has done and not to deny it, as it is just amking it worse for herslef. She coudln'r offer any excuses to him she soundede gobsmacked that he was actaully confronting her.

When he told her that I amd DD are his first priotrites and that he will always put us first from now on, she shouted that she is his mum she should be his priority not that bitch of a wife of yours

I cant beleive she tinks of me like that, I ahven't ever done anything untoward to her.

DH was really calm and sais that he will not tollerate her speaking about me like that.

Then he said if she wants to be part of our family he expects a full and frank, genuine face to face apology for me.

She said that she will never say sorry as she has done nothing wrong and that she may as well just cut him out of her life

DH says he feels sad but like a weight he never knew he had has been lifted.

I don't feel happy , I feel so bad for DH.

I hope you enjoy the christening and enjoyed your day together yesterday.

You have shown courage in sorting this out.

Well done to your dh for standing up to his mother.

all of a sudden an very grateful for my MIL after all

ladytophamhatt thank you so much

Typical... just like my ex MIL and... just as my exh...

I really don't want to rain in your parade, but ... she has had too much control in his life just to leave it at that... My exMIL came back and my exh was not strong enough to keep to his word... I don't blame him either, he had been educated to heel to the word of this woman...

My only advise would be to keep strong, but don't forget what this woman is capable of. I openned the door to ex MIL again just for her to use it to sabotage our marriage.

Just a quickie before I start to get ready.

I had a call last night from DCIL informing me that my mil had contacted her to tell her that she will not be attending the christening. DCIL said to mil... 'Oh I am sorry to hear that, would you like me to save you a piece od cake'
DCIL is wonderful.
MIL told her that the reason she wont be attending is because she feels unwelcome as dil (me) has made her son (DH) cut her (MIL) out of his life
Good job DCIL knows otherwise.

SO now mil is playing the martyr, DH is even more shocked that his mum would stoop so low.

I don't know if she is actually not going to go or what so I will just have to wait and see.

The actuall christening starts at 2.00pm so SIL is picking us up at 1.30pm to take us and will pick us up after the reception when we are ready to come home.

I am kinda excited, like my adrenelin has kicked in, but tbh I am also dreading it. I am just so glad that DH's family know what mil is like and are backing me up.

Good idea about a code word and groundrules with DH, like no to leave me on my own if mil does go. I will suggest that to him.
We had a really nice day yesterday and DH seem a lot more calmer and laid back now, he keeps telling me how 'light' he feels, but he never realised that he waas in a constant state of 'worry' about upsetting his mum.

well good that the poisonous witch won't be there to ruin the day

relax and enjoy it

and lets wait and see what she has in store for christmas ffs

Bloody well done that woman! Glad dh has started to act like a responsible adult. Make sure he doesn't slip back.

So glad your DH managed to make the call, and tell his mum where his priorities now lie. Really, well done both of you

Have a great time at the christening today, this will hopefully bring you both closer than ever. MIL will have to back down (my gran did) if it comes to a choice between losing her precious son and gd or reining herself in and behaving! You seem like such a nice person, and I understand that you will be upset, as I'm sure you preferred to think that you and MIL had a good relationship, but please realise that the problem is entirely hers. And hopefully will stay that way! All the best

I hope you enjoy the day and try and put MIL out of your minds, she has showed herself up to her family.

I would encourage you not to bad mouth your MIL at all, if other people mention it I would say something netural/undertanding like I'm sure MIL just wanted some one on one time with DD & DH & it all got out of hand.

Leave MIL and her nastiness well out of it because that is what is best for your dh he doesn't want his nose rubbed in how awful his Mum has been.

How dare she, how f*cking dare she.

Now the family know, though, I hope she will be given short shrift.

Have a fabulous day, head held high, DH is a new man, all the best!

Your MIL is a wicked evil cow....

I feel so for your DH having to see her in her true colours for the first time.....but so pleased that he done the right thing by you and your DD....well done to both of you.

Today will be fine...will be very interesting to hear what other people say about her....especially her sister....

she will end up a bitter, lonely old lady with no-one but herself to blame.

Love to you all and have a great day x

Gosh! She is the lost twin sister of my exMIL! That's exactly what she did, asked him to chooese between me and her and then said I separated him from her... (obviously she forgot to add that I had to lock myself in the bathroom with DS, then a baby, while she was banging the door like a mad woman yelling at me)

lol, dizzy, xmas is all sorted

We are having the morning here, then we are going to my mum and dads for lunch then a relaxing evening back home.

We were going to see mil on boxing day but I will not be going now and niether will DD, but it is up to DH if he wants to go.
I don't want DD around that amount of nastiness unless I am there to keep an eye on things and I wont be so she will not be going.

Well done to dh for taking that first step. I think you'll find that he will realise that this has been going on for a long time and it will be difficult for him to accept just how awful his mum has been. He may even try to put different interpretations on her behaviour because no one likes to realise that they have a toxic person for a parent. However, he will eventually realise that this is what she is.

I hope DCIL tells dh that she made it very clear to MIL that you were all invited and that the decision to cut you out of the celebration was MIL's alone. The fact that MIL is now trying to blame you for the whole fiasco is likely to come back and bite her on the bum big time.

Hurrah for mr THUM. I bet she never expected the worm to turn.

Have a lovely time at the christening. Forget about the horrid person and enjoy celebrating the new baby.

just right, until she can learn to behave herself and keep her twisted foul mouthed opinions to herself and act like a granny frankly SHOULD act i.e not causing trouble between her grandaughters parents then she can feck right off

good for you

am off to roar at someone now!!!

Oh I certianly wont be bad mouthing mil, I will not stoop to her level I am better than that. I may have a good moan about her to my DSIL though and keep a running commentary in my head of names I would like to call her. I would never say t out loud to/infront of DH or his family.

I tend to disagree as trying to justify your MIL... if someone tells you something about MIL being offended at something you did, be very factual and explain what she did in a few words.

I tried to justify/hide her behaviour and the only thing I got was to get the blame. So, don't take that blame even for DH's sake, she may use that against you.

BTW I'm not saying you should bad mouth her, far from it, just not to justify her behaviour.

have a lo vely time