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Original poster

is it normal to moan this much????

58 replies

lou1981 · 19/10/2008 11:08

omg!! all i seem to do is moan...
me n my partner are both the same age (27)
he works very very hard it is our first baby...(14 weeks pregnant)he has a 1 year old with a evil witch (long long story) the mother of his child does not know about me as she will stop him seeing her so me n the baby are a secret......
we temp live with his parents so his little girl comes to stay here but she wont sleep unless she is held and her behavior seems odd this and living with his parents pubig strain on things sort a place out but he seems to lack any motivation to put in any opinions or suggestions...

i have to pick the place view it sort out finances.......
although in many ways he is supportive i feel like i am having to do everything myself....tho he often tells me i push him out......
i have no idea if its me and my hormans or if i him and his laid back no opinions attitude???????

all i do is moan at him

his daughters mum seems to rule our life tho both of them pretty much hate each other and i do not agree with the way they both deal with each other and the little girl...

ANY ADVICE????????????????????

wow i feel better writing that

OP posts:
beanieb · 19/10/2008 11:10

My advice would be that he needs to tell his ex about you. Don't you feel a bit like his secret? I don't think that it is healthy for him to pretend you don't exist.

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 11:15

i do agree but all his family seem to think he needs to get some sort of court order for regular contact before he tells her...

she is a total nightmare this woman she will stop the contact.

altho they dont get on she still really wants to be with him when she fell pregnant he felt she done it on purpose to trap him....he stuck by her but he really cant stomach her...... for her to find out about me apparently she would be gutted as she wanted wat we have.

i want her to know but all his family say no!!!

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/10/2008 11:18

hang on she doesn't know about him having another child on the way or you Did you know about her before you got involved or was that hsi secret too. Sorry but how they deal with their daughter isn't your concern unless you are being expected to do the parenting althgouh I wodner what he will do once she can talk ! However his concept of secrecy and apathy towards setting up a permanent home would raise huge alarm bells for me. You need to find out just how committed to a relationship with you and his twi offspring he is.

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 11:25

i did know about her and the baby when i met him he was open about it tho at the time she was very young (4months) so alarm bells rang then to be honest.
i know s commited he is just so laid back and does not seem to have any control over anything! i have moved away from my family to be with him n i know noone so im pretty much on me own!!

i have told him he has to tell her but his mother is telling him not to as then she will stop him seeing her i worry that this is going to affect our baby.

his daughter has been up all night but he did not get up to her it seems he has not bonded with her she has been up with his mother.

i must sound awfull wat i am saying but it all concerns me tho he reasures me it will not be like this with our child.......so why is it with his daughter????

OP posts:
Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 11:28

ooo and they dont communicate about there daughter she sends medicine he has no idea what it is for

she dont sleep he says nothing to her

so lizs the bringing of there child is nothing to do with me but its very hard to watch 2 people tht created a life treat each other so badly as the only person affected is the little girl.....tht makes sense xxxx

OP posts:
TheOtherMaryPoppins · 19/10/2008 11:30

Run for the hills.

He hasn;t committed to being a real parent to his baby in the last 12 months, I doubt he will to yours too.

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 11:40

wow thats honesty for you...
lol

thats what worrys me the most is the lack of commitment to his other child
my family are sooo worried about the hole situation xxxx

OP posts:
PortofinoPumpkin · 19/10/2008 11:51

He doesn't sound very mature and responsible to me. I'd give him stark choice - either he sorts out a proper home for you and the baby and stops this secrecy thing with the ex, or you're leaving. I don't hold out a lot of hope though....

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 12:10

he would only wat i wanted him to say and do

to be honest i have just told him that i have asked for advice about this and he has the hump and does not want ppl knowin our business.....lol

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 19/10/2008 12:12

you met him when dd was 4mo ...she's now one, and you are 3m preg...so you got preg after 3m. was that planned? he strikes me as someone who will go about creating kids with little thought to the consequences. it shouldn't make a diff who is mother to his child he should care for the little girl as he carse for yours - if he can't be bothered with her and tell you 'it will be diff with yours' - why? is it his mum who wants to keep contact with the girl? (understandable) maybe she is more scared of losing her so is anti him telling ex about you?

situation bad, 1st thing is he must tell ex. you are supposed to be his family, dd will be getting a bro or sis ffs!then he must put effort into finding you house together - to show his commitment. will his mum do his share of child care with your little one? he has it too easy imo. good luck xxx

EffiePerine · 19/10/2008 12:16

First thing, sort out your own support network. Why did you move away from your parents? Could you move locally if necessary? Find out about what benefits you'd be entitled to etc.

I wouldn't be relying on him for anything, really. He sounds like an immature twat. I wouldn't believe all he and his family tell you about his ex either. You may be the next 'bitch' in their eyes if he decides to up and leave you with the baby.

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 12:22

yeah pregnant after 3 months....accident!!!!

he is def not one to create children n not think b4 he acts....he is a very careing soft and laid back person. def not a child making machine!!!!!

his family do wanna keep contact n he says he does too

he wont tell his ex i know he wont
he has it far too easy!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 12:25

thanx effie...... tho more likely me to leave than him xxx

OP posts:
beanieb · 19/10/2008 13:18

How long was he with his previous girlfriend before she got pregnant? Why did they split up?

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 13:40

when he went to split up with her he told him she was pregnant.... they were only together a few months....

OP posts:
beanieb · 19/10/2008 14:15

well, she was pregnant though. Not like she made it up to keep him. How pregnant was she when she told him?

solidgoldskullonastick · 19/10/2008 14:29

Look, by the time your baby is born he will have wandered off to impregnate someone else and be telling her what a bitch you are. He's an idiot who thinks with his dick, likes to impregnate women because it makes him feel like a real big man, but has no interest in fatherhood.

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 15:21

she was 4 weeks when she told him beanieb x

OP posts:
Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 15:26

by the me my baby is born wont be long gone...i trust him. i was only asking for peoples opinions of which i am greatfull i didnt think ppl would judge someone that they didnt know...he does not think with his dick and does care about being a good father it def dont make him l a big man child with someone he cant stand!!!!
he is a good person just a little messed up!!!
not all men r arseholes!!!!
some just have issues in there life tht they need to sort out xxxxxx

OP posts:
moondog · 19/10/2008 15:40

It's not going to work.
None of it.
I'd bet a grand on it.
He sounds like a knob.

Original poster
lou1981 · 19/10/2008 15:48

he isnt a knob
he trys very hard but gets no where
i think everything will work out xx

OP posts:
moondog · 19/10/2008 15:53

Hah!!!

LIZS · 19/10/2008 15:57

I'm sure you hope it does, you stand to lose a lot otherwise but let's face it you haven't been together that long. What was his history like before the ex ?

If his name is on the daughter's birth certificate and he pays maintenance she'd have a hard job legally denying him access, so why the secrecy and what is in it for the family to keep schtum? If she wakes up who goes to her in the night, why is it not her dad if he is so keen ?

honestfriend · 19/10/2008 16:05

No matter he is REALLY like, that facts are that he got a woman pregnant after knowing her for only a few months. Was that planned? Was your pregnancy planned? Why are both you and the other woman so keen to have this man's babies!!! Call me old fashioned, but a baby deserves a stable home where a couple have committed to each other- FOR LIFE supposedly. Or at least until the child is an adult and can support themselves.

You all sound completely daft and irresponsible.

On top of this he is not being even remotely, a responsible father- not knowing what medicine his daughter should have etc- is that acting like a grown up?

I think you need to take off your blinkers and see this man for what he is.

soultaken · 19/10/2008 16:09

He doesn't sounds like much of a catch to be honest.

And you sound very young. Why are you living with his parents? Why don't you have your own place. Or do you have to have a baby before the council will house you

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