is it normal to moan this much????

[lou1981]

omg!! all i seem to do is moan...
me n my partner are both the same age (27)
he works very very hard it is our first baby...(14 weeks pregnant)he has a 1 year old with a evil witch (long long story) the mother of his child does not know about me as she will stop him seeing her so me n the baby are a secret......
we temp live with his parents so his little girl comes to stay here but she wont sleep unless she is held and her behavior seems odd this and living with his parents pubig strain on things sort a place out but he seems to lack any motivation to put in any opinions or suggestions...

i have to pick the place view it sort out finances.......
although in many ways he is supportive i feel like i am having to do everything myself....tho he often tells me i push him out......
i have no idea if its me and my hormans or if i him and his laid back no opinions attitude???????

all i do is moan at him

his daughters mum seems to rule our life tho both of them pretty much hate each other and i do not agree with the way they both deal with each other and the little girl...

ANY ADVICE????????????????????

wow i feel better writing that

You say his daughter's behaviour seems odd- is it any wonder, poor little mite- she has no dad to speak of, and her parents split up before she was born. She is pushed from one parent to another , her dad lives with his parents ( at 27? Why??) and is not much good with her. I wonder what kind of future she will have. Do any of you know ANYTHING about bringing up a child???

I am sure i will be flamed for being judgemental, but I think it is time people like me, who pay or taxes after working our butts off to support people like your boyfriend, said what they felt.

You are all completely irresponsible and I feel sorry for these kids are being brought up by people who sound and behave like kids themselves.

You said he works very very hard. If he has a job why dont you hae your own place?
It doesn't sound like a good place to start a relationship tbh.
Sounds like he needs a kick up the back side.

27 which aint tht young!!!!
i aint after a counil place either!!!!
amazing how some ppl judge ppl of whom they dont know...
seems to me maybe some mothers lifes r dull n borin n that may be why they need to judge others hole life by a paragraph......

iwould rather someones opinion who is constructive rather than ppl wanting to make out im only pregnant to be housed

just asking - not judging.

So you don't want a counci house then - your happy living with your boyfriends parents?

and i will be a good mother how can any body think i wont be by something i wrote.

and please dont feel sorry for my unborn child really no need my worrie is not for my baby as know it will b cared for and loved.

thanx to all ppl who shared there constructive opinion to those who have extremely harsh views and opinions and decided to judge ppl of whom they dnt know then i would a rather u didnt bother

Disagreeing with someone isn't judging them.

soultaken...you dnt really know my situation.....
why would i need a council place or be intitled to one wen my partner works.......

you might be 27 but you aren't acting like someone of that age.
I can't think of anything constructive to say because the problem here is man who fathers children in a totally irresponsible way, doesn't support them, and is lazy.
What can anyone say? You are right to moan and if I were you I would get out now. If it wasn't too late and I were you, I'd have a termination, but that's my personal opinion and I am not saying you should.
I do wonder what HIS parents think- why are they allowing a 27 yr old man live with them when he has 2 women pregnant and can't support either of them- emotionally or financially? It just seems that bad parenting produces irresponsible children who in turn become irresponsible parents them selves.
Sorry- I am judgemental, but I don't think children should be born into such chaos- they have no choice- you do.

i agree tht everyone has a opinion but to tell someone tht there awaiting a council house is rude where i come from

I do think there's been a bit of 'missjudgypantsness' here TBH. Why are people talking about council houses?

From what Lou has said about him I do still think it's a bit crap of him to keep her a secret, and I do think getting 2 women pregnant in such a short time is a bit reckless but it could have been an accident / contraceptive failure so maybe people shouldn't be judging his character on that.

As far as the OP goes I still think you need to get him to aknowledge your existance, particularly when his first child gets older. No matter how difficult it is for him he presumably wants his first child in his life and he will find it very hard to keep you a secret once his daughter is old enough to understand. Sooner or later he will have to confront this one and this may mean him having to fight for either joint custody or contact with his daughter. better to get that ball rolling now than later.

Do you mind me asking if you work? Where were you living before moving in with your boyfriends parents? Living with parents is regressive. Your not a grown up till you are providing for yourself and running your own household - that's what made me think you were young.

Obviously if you're 27 your not young - just terribly immature.

NEVER TERMINATE MY CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM A VERY MATURE PERSON OF WHOM HAS BEEN THRO A HELLL OF ALOT
JUDGE ALL YOU LIKE BUT I KNOW ILL BE A GOOD MOTHER MAYBE IT WILL TAKE SOME CHANGING FOR THE FATHER BUT I HAVE ALL FAITH THT WE WILL GET THERE IN THE END

HAS ALL YA MEN LEFT U IS THT WHY U R ALL SOOOO BITTER AGAINST MEN!!!!!????

no lou my man hasn't left me. I choose wisely and he's still here 17 years later.

oh dear. Telling other people 'if I were you I'd have an abortion' is just horrid.! I can't work out who is the troll now

awaits popcorn...

soultaken...i lived with my previous bf of 10 years in our own place our own house with our own bills untill 2 years ago wen i then went to live back with my parents

now thats fine if tht makes me immature but i dnt think tht does!!!!!!!!!!!

Lou - your situation sounds similar to mine. Was with someone 12 years, 5 of those in our own place which we sold when we split up. I was lucky in that I didn't have to go to my mums but I would have done had I not had anotehr house lined up. It's not unusual.

thanx beanieb...
i have spoken to him today and i am posative about things.

xxx

I am not a troll- I said IF IT WERE ME I WOULD TERMINATE. I was pregnant for the first time at 31 and I was married. I had a carer before that- I took birth control seriously but knew that if I ever got pregnant accidentally, especially if it was with someone I could not see myself with for a very long time, then I would have had an abortion. I never wanted to be a single mum as don; think it is right for the child- okay, I know some of you have no choice. That would have been my choice. I am not saying anyone else should.

It;s not the fact that you are living with your BFs parents that make you immature, but your behaviour towards him, his daughter and his ex.

Why can't he help you find a place of your own? That was your original question. You feel he is not doing enough - some of us have agreed but now you are defending him.

i am not defending noone.....i didnt come on here or put anything on as a thread for ppl to badmouth my family i find it offensive and rude!!!!!
your opinion u r intitled to but dont inflict opinions onto ppl who have not asked

you judged me n my bf without even knowing the facts

maybe u would abort your child
maybe i should a put in the start tht i love y bf very much my mistake
im not defending his behaviour i stick by the fact i think he is wrong but i dnt like ppl judging me n my family wen they dnt know us or our full background

AND......
honestfriend.......wat in the name of god r u on about the way i treat his daughter and ex....

1. i dnt even know his ex
2. i treat his daughter well (wat do u know about how i treat her)
3. you dont know anything about my behavior towards anyone!!!

You've been with him for 6 months and you believe everything he says. But he doesn't support you, he lacks motivation and he's not showing any interest in finding somewhere else to live. I get the feeling he's really not that bothered. He's pretty happy the way things are. You're running around after him and so are his parents and you're all doing exactly what he tells you! How are you planning on resolving this 'I and the baby are a secret' thing?

You're about to have a child. You need to wake up and smell the coffee.

I think that is rather OTT advice tbh.

However the fundamental issues do need to be addressed sooner rather than later. A touching faith in his good nature is not going to cut the mustard when you are up alone with a non-sleeping,crying baby (presumably he hasn't really had to deal with that himself yet), perhaps in your own flat and maybe having to look after his confused and jealous toddler too.

He needs to show commitment , to his daughter, to you and your baby, not only by working hard but by understanding how to meet your other needs and offering support. Why can't he view places with you, why do you have to do the short listing and arrangements yourself. He is shirking the responsibiltiy. Do you have a deposit etc saved ?

He cannot keep you a secret if/when you move out and his child comes to stay over - her mum has a right to know where and with whom she is - and his ex is always going to be a presence. She may even feel more comfortable atllikng about her daughter's medical and behavioural needs to you rather than him. I really do not see what is to be gained by keeping the secret.

i have never come across such morons!!!!!!!!!
goodbye

We're morons? I was trying to be polite too