is it normal to moan this much????

[lou1981]

omg!! all i seem to do is moan...
me n my partner are both the same age (27)
he works very very hard it is our first baby...(14 weeks pregnant)he has a 1 year old with a evil witch (long long story) the mother of his child does not know about me as she will stop him seeing her so me n the baby are a secret......
we temp live with his parents so his little girl comes to stay here but she wont sleep unless she is held and her behavior seems odd this and living with his parents pubig strain on things sort a place out but he seems to lack any motivation to put in any opinions or suggestions...

i have to pick the place view it sort out finances.......
although in many ways he is supportive i feel like i am having to do everything myself....tho he often tells me i push him out......
i have no idea if its me and my hormans or if i him and his laid back no opinions attitude???????

all i do is moan at him

his daughters mum seems to rule our life tho both of them pretty much hate each other and i do not agree with the way they both deal with each other and the little girl...

ANY ADVICE????????????????????

wow i feel better writing that

sorry - but I think maybe you all need to read back through what has been written. You ARE being incredibly judgemental about all this and several people have made massive assumprions about the OP. Some of you have even suggested she is behaving in ways that she isn't!

She wanted to know, I think, how to motivate her OH to actually move forward with things, and how to do it in teh right way. She wanted to know, I think, if she was going about it the right way.

She didn't want people making assumptions about her age, her class, her background or her potential parenting skills. I think if you read this back and can't see how many responses have been rude and insensitive then perhaps you've become a little mean!

Yes I agree beanieb

It is incredibly smug and judgemental and somewhat naive actually to say that you 'chose your partner wisely' or if you got pregnant by accident you would terminate.

As many unfortunate mnetters will testify even the most rock sold of marriages can fail and until you are pregnant you cannot say with absolute certainty what you would do. There are no certainties in life (except death) and few people's lives turn out as planned - if you think that way you are deluded and living in a bubble.

And in terms of living with you parents many 'children' who go to uni go back and live with their parents due to finances - so they are also not standing on their own two feet are they and in many cultures an extended family living together is considered to be usual and beneficial thing.

I lived with my parents for 6 months when I was mid 20s due to a relationship break up. No kids at that time though.

I do agree that the OPs situation does not sound ideal by any means but what can possibly be gained by offering such advice based on so many assumptions.

how is it being "smug" for me to say I would terminate a pregnancy if it was an accident? YOU are being judgemental now by presuming you know how I would have behaved!

Of course, people go back ot their parents- but saying someone who goes back for a while after uni is rather different from a 27 year old man who has fathered 2 children in just over a year, and who shows no sign of being at all responsible. What are his parents thinking of fgs?

To the OP_ I think you need to consider if this man is the father you want to help raise your child. Everything he does- or rather doesn't do- shows he is lazy and irresponsible. You don't like how he or his ex treats their daughter, he doesn't offer you much support- if he doesn't do that now, what will he do when he a screaming baby keeping him up all night?

My constructive advice is get out now and find your own place to live.

I think perhaps bringing into it what you would do in those circumstances was just not the kind response that the OP was hoping to get, that's all.

Yes, contraceptive failures can and do happen, and some people are more fertile than others. Also, some people may have made some daily-mail type assumptions about the OP due to her using a lot of txt speak in her posts. However the fact that the man in question is not behaving well to the mother of his existing child, or doing much in the way of caring for or supporting the child, doesn't bode very well for the OP's child-to-be. Nor does the fact that he's keeping her and the baby's existence a secret, and making no moves to find them a flat or indeed take the OP's concerns seriously.

I think he sounds like he has treating his ex really badly. To have a baby on your own is really hard and he should be as supportive as possible to her. I feel sorry for you too, but didn't you feel for his ex a bit before getting pregnant yourself? And now you are pregnant can you imagine how hard it was for her going through it alone. I hope you can once you've had your baby. As to why she is insecure, it is because her mother probably has it so hard.

I'm sorry I have no real advice to offer you - just hope he doesn't treat you the same way and hope one day he can treat the mother of his other child well.

solid gold- agree- but not text-speak- totally ungrammatical English which is very hard to understand!.