helloooo I have been lurking reading this since yesterday, never having quite got around to posting, always meaning too I might add, as each new bit unfolded feeling your pain for you as it is so very similar to something I went through myself. I cant really offer much advise that you havent already been given, except to say that I to have been here. (god it would be easier to count those of us that havent I think!!)
ExH was a twat as well and did very similar, cheated on me I never had any reason to suspect anything so when an innocent look at the phone bill to find a number revealled mystery calls etc I was mortified. I must admit I did laugh when I read about you phoning her, I did the same. Although at least be grateful your one was too dumb by the sounds of it, his one told me that if I wasnt going to give him the love and sex a man like him deserved then it was her place to. I remember asking her if she was that F&&&&& dense as to think that whilst he was shagging her he hadnt also been shagging me????. I sure felt better afterwards, no matter the rights or wrongs of calling lol
He also came back full of remorse and wanted to make it work, blah blah blah, please forgive my by now bliaise attitutude to what I beleived at the time in my niavity was his genuiness, I fell for it hook line and sinker. I went to the clinic like you are, had the tests ( I didnt get asked about Anal I might add, they couldnt of been nicer, the first thing they asked me was why was I there. And i said because my husband has been having un protected sex with other people and I want to find out if I have anything. They obviously see it all the time because they couldnt of been nicer, so please dont be scared)
I tried to learn to trust him again, I tried to put all my focus on our marraige so as to make it work. I let him convince me I was paranoid until I turned into a paranoid wreck, questioning everyone and everything.
I tried right up till the point that I too found out that he had had sex again AFTER me finding out, and after him being sorry and wanting me more then life itself.
At that point as much as it hurt me, and I couldnt imagine how my life would ever be without him I realised that he had to go. And the rest as they say is history! (well for me it got worse befroe better as he was abusive so we went on to a stink in a hostel to get away etc, but non the less life got better)
The only advise I can give you is that you have to trust your instincts on this, some people I admit move on from deceit and manage to repair their marraiges and move on. On some levels I admire them becuase they must be a stronger kind of person then I am, I couldnt get past it at all.
Take time for you and the kids, make yourself and them the focus now. Together or apart start doing things for you guys, squirrel some money away ( I did mine by selling stuff on Ebay, by time I went I had £200 which when you have nothing is quite a lot). I made sure that when ever I felt like it was my fault, or that I deserved it I remembered that whilst tehre are 2 people resonsible for a marriage, if one party isnt privy to the fact there is a crack, or that its growing wide enough for someone else to be let in, then there is very little you can do.
Hold your head up high girly, take a deep breathe and know that what ever shit is being thrown your way at the moment, it really wont be the same forever! (I am marrying DH2B very soon, he proved to me that there are some very decent lovely men out there, and one day someone will be able to prove that to you too hon!)
Have a big hug on me, and apologies for rambling!