How often do you have sex?

[charx]

I'm doing a straw poll here. DH says I'm not normal. According to him everyone else is having sex 3 or 4 times a week.
I'm a SAHM to a DD (2). I'm just pretty tired most of the time. I know it doesn't help that I have low self esteem with regard to body image/weight issues etc) but I really struggle to get into the mood to have sex. So at this moment in time I'm averaging once every 8 weeks.

Anyone else want to share?

Every few weeks. Like several previous posts, I just don't seem to be interested any more. He'd like it more often, but that puts me off even more in a way - it's just "sex" he wants, I feel like an object. Like someone previous said, he suddenly increases the random hugs etc when he wants sex - I'd like to have hugs more often just for the sake of it.
REal dilemma - quickie sex i don't enjoy, he does, I like back and think of England. But conversely, I'm too tired and can't be bothered to go on for ages. Yes female viagra def needed here.

Every few weeks. Like several previous posts, I just don't seem to be interested any more. He'd like it more often, but that puts me off even more in a way - it's just "sex" he wants, I feel like an object. Like someone previous said, he suddenly increases the random hugs etc when he wants sex - I'd like to have hugs more often just for the sake of it.
REal dilemma - quickie sex i don't enjoy, he does, I like back and think of England. But conversely, I'm too tired and can't be bothered to go on for ages. Yes female viagra def needed here.

sorry bout double post. And "lie back" by the way.

My dp thinks the same we have sex about 1-2 times a week less if i have my way!! and he thinks we should be at it like rabbits every night as we r still young he says (27 & 28)
but we have a 2 and 5 year old and by night time im knackered and just want to sleep

We average about 4-5 times a year, which is mainly due to my low libido and DH's work-related stresses.
I am really surprised that many of you manage to do it even twice a week, let alone those who get together every other night. I truly thought that once every fortnight was about average, having had kids and 10+ years of marriage. I feel quite sad now about our low frequency. It just seems such a hassle that anything else: a rubbish movie on TV, a book looks preferable to some fumbling in bed. It has also become boring and predictable but neither of us has any energy to do the imaginative/creative stuff any more. Also my difficulty to orgasm plays a major part in putting me off, as I always think DH will be disappointed if it doesn't happen for me. I don't believe it will ever improve .

rachelp73 I so agree! Moondog you're a disgrace. Charx I can see how you feel. I guess we're also once every 8 weeks-ish, and I really struggle to want to do it. Although it's good quality when we do. But I can't help thinking 'SLEEEEEPPPP! I could be sleeping!!!'. With a 3 year old and a 1 year old I'd say things are not yet back to normal for us, and I'm hoping there's light at the end of the tunnel - but that could be a year or 2 away yet! Need to catch up on all the missed sleep first. And make sure they're old enough not to wake up randomly at 2am (like last night).
So I guess my DH is finding it a struggle, poor guy. but then he didn't have to give birth, did he?! He's being understanding so far but who know how long that will last? You can only do what feels right for you though. It's much worse if you do it and don't enjoy it.
was about to type an envious face about all the 2-3 times a week. But really I'm not. Sleep is just so much more important to me now. So I'm kinda happy with how it is.

So relieved to read these posts ... I feel "normal" again ... whatever that is!!! We have bursts for a couple of weeks ... and then I'm too knackered to do anything else for the rest of the year!!! I am a self-employed mum of a 5 year old and an almost two year old with a DH who is a great dad but who I don't really fancy anymore ... so I guess that also has a lot to do with it too ...

you don't fancy him any more.

I still fancy my DH, just don't have as much energy as I used to! 2 x a weekish, but every night in the hols!

My sex drive is definitely influenced by my monthly cycle - doesn't anyone else find this? We tend to have a period (no pun intended) of about 10 days during which we might have sex 4 or five times but then pretty much nothing for about 2 weeks until my hormones kick in again.

My DH would like sex more often. He is 8 years younger than me but I think my lower sex drive is due to tiredness and not liking my own body/not feeling attractive (completely down to me - DH still fancies me and lets me know).

We had a period of just over a year without sex which started about 4 months into my 3rd pregnancy. I really struggled to get 'back in the saddle' after DS2 as well. Breast feeding and lack of sex drive does (so I'm told) have some scientific basis - possibly something to do with your body wanting you to use your energies to feed the existing baby and not divert them by getting pregnant with another.

And another thing - at the end of the day when all the kids are in bed I sometimes feel that I just don't want to be touched. I like the physical peace of sitting still and not responding to somebody else's touch. I don't mean this in a cold emotionless way, just that all day I have little control over when or how my own body is touched/grabbed/pulled/jumped on...(and I do mean by the children!) and that some evenings I want to be physically left in peace!

Btw, I think these threads are incredibly valuable - they help us to realise that we all share worries and insecurities but that actually there really isn't a 'normal'.

my dh would like to do it every week but im more every 2-3 months its just not that important to me

I think i'm the one thats abnormal after reading this, we have sex on average 2-3 times a night, he gets up for work at 5.30am and if i'm awake then we will and he wont get in until 6pm so he's always tired but never too tired for sex. I was told that that would stop since falling pregnant but it hasn't, he loves my bump and although a little paranoid about hurting me or the baby it hasn't put him off. Having said that our relationship is still quite new and we have had a tough time and broken up and got back together recently, but for all the time we've been together even if we are barely speaking we've always had a gd sex life. It prob doesn't sound it but I am body conscious also I think most women are but it says a lot that he wants to be more intimate with you don't you think?xx

I was really glad to read these too- you do start wondering if you're 'normal' after a while...
For us, usually once a week, although ds2 is only 10 months old so less since he was born.This week we're nearly rabbits, having done it twice already!!!! (and still Saturday night to come...)

Disneystar I wish I was you. Keeping that spark alive. Good for you.

Maidamess - lol.

We have some great sex and then there are those nights where DH has that look in his eye and I'm on for it as long as he knows its a 'quickie'.

TTC so every second day at the mo, but usually avg 3 times a month. Have had a couple of 'sessions' with dd (9mths) looking on, and that's seriously offputting to put it mildly

I've talked to DH about the whole 'nothing' for the evening and then all of a sudden at bedtime I'm expected to be gagging for it! I like moring and afternoon sec. Bedtime is for sleeping.

I can totally identify with wassername. We last had sex about 8 weeks ago, before that can't remember. I'm just so worn out all the while (I should probably be in bed now rather than writing this tbh!) It had been find for about 3 years (since DD2 was born) and I was fine with it, as I really have no interest whatsoever (cant even be bothered to "entertain" myself!), but saying that once I do get going I usually enjoy it. Just cant be hassled with all the mess, risk (of pg)and lets be honest, bed is for sleep. for a while I witheld sex as an incentive to get my DH to have a vasectomy, but that didnt work either!
Problem is now though that DH has started to let it affect his self confidence and it has caused quite a few problems (eg. jealousy/possessiveness) in our relationship, which ironically has only served to put me off even more!! He went to doc to see about counselling, and surprise surprise hasnt done anything about it. I went as well and was told I was anaemic, which is probably contributing to tiredness.
It makes me so sad that our r has come to this Maybe it will ge tbetter. He's away on biz for 10 days so I think th break might help, plus give me the chance to miss him a bit.
But on a positive note, I do feel much more normal after reading about everyone else! Perhaps we should let the boys read this and maybe they would understand that actually they're not that badly off!!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who needs to be left alone at the end of the day. I'm a SAHM with 4 DCs under 6 and i often feel like I've nothing left for my husband when he appears. I feel like I don't want to be hassled by anyone. There isn't a normal for us - I've been in the pg/bf cycle for nearly 5yrs now but it is interesting hearing what others do- my DH thinks anything less than 3 sessions/week is too little and i either don't love him or I'm being selfish. At least I can say how lucky he is!

2-3 times a week for us,we do put the effort in tho and try to make time for each other which is hard when you have kids, at one time tho is did average on 1-2 times a month. I read somewhere that the more you do have sex the more you want to do it.

I have to say there are times when we are both exhausted and just cuddle up which is equally nice.

twice this year, but after 2 big babies relatively late on i've prolapsed so am constantly uncomfortable to say the least.."DH" can't even be bothered to look after the kids for 10 mins while i do my physio (pelvic floors) so i don't have to have fairly major op, never listens and constantly moans. I can't even be bothered to hate him. He won't leave and i'm not making my kids homeless. You think you've got problems....

ushag that sounds awful,I'm sorry.

We are about once a week,occasionally twice. DH would like it alot more, but I need to sleep at bedtime. MUCH prefer it in the morning or afternoon but whose got time?

I do still very much fancy my DH thank god, and am gratified that he clearly does still fancy me 8 years into marriage and 2 kids later. I don't think Iwant sexmuch at all really, but if we go much longer than a week or so I start having really erotic dreams

Has anyone tried the herbal rememdies for low libido? (Google 'alternative therapies for low libido)...............my husband is getting a complex that I never want it. The GP is totally unsymathetic...........I think it's a combination of hormones and being constantly knackered!

I forgot to say we are about twice a month. DH thinks twice a week is normal..........

I forgot to say we are about twice a month. DH thinks twice a week is normal..........

Does anyone else have a hubbie that no longer fancies them cos of their extra pounds? I know I need to shift the weight (that's another story) but reckon I'm still pretty and attractcive, but it really puts him off having sex with me. Which really hurts! So we've done it once since DS 2 was born 10 months ago. Anyone else out there whose partner witholds sex cos they're overweight?!