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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Quick question - if you found these texts, what would you think?

59 replies

SorryNeedANameChange · 30/08/2008 00:06

I was playing on DP's mobile phone game and it suddenly went off when I pressed a wrong button. I had to fiddle with it to find the game again and came across his texts. Curiosity got the better of me and I looked through a few of them (thats genuinly how it happened) and here is what I found.

"Sorry, had to go, he was waking up. spk to u soon xxx"

"I just needed someone to talk to x"

"Its a shame you're at work, we could have met up for a drink x"

"are you back yet babe? xx"

All from the same number. No name attached to it.

So what would you think? please be honest.

OP posts:
Miaou · 30/08/2008 00:08

The messages themselves wouldn't bother me overly much. The fact that you didn't know about them/the person sending them would ring alarm bells.

Ronaldinhio · 30/08/2008 00:22

Does you oh normally text his friends in this manner?
If I found these txts on my DH's phone to a number I didn't know I'd know there was something there that I wouldn't want to uncover.
But that's because he'd never normally txt like that except if her were in some type of relationship.
That's my DH and you asked me to be honest but it doesn't mean there is anything untoward.

pinkteddy · 30/08/2008 00:25

"are you back yet babe? xx"
This would ring alarm bells with me sorry.
I would be checking his sent items too and received calls.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 30/08/2008 00:53

I'd be suspicious, I'm afraid, but then I am a naturally suspicious person, unfortunately.

susiecutiebananas · 30/08/2008 00:59

I'm afraid it would definitely worry me. alarm bells ringing. What does your instinct tell you though? Only you know your man, and the kind of chap he is, and how he conducts his friendships. Is it the kind of conversation you would expect him to normally have.

Its clearly a woman he's conversing with.. hmm, I think you need an open chat with him, and some answers.

my BIGGEST advice is, don't jump to conclusions, and despite it not looking great, don't have that in mind when you talk to him. Try, somehow not to e accusing. Explain how it happened - that you read them- and tell him how it has worried you and is there any way he can put your mind at reast as what's creeping into it is not nice... see his reaction from there. The CALMER you stay, the more likely you will get an honest response.

Deep breaths. Good luck. sorry you've got this to worry about . Its the most horrible feeling in the world...

nappyaddict · 30/08/2008 01:03

the are you back yet one would worry me too. back from where? seeing her?

Yeyeayo · 30/08/2008 01:08

I would be immediately suspicious and assume cheating... but that's me.
It doesn't sound good when you put it all together. However after further thought, it could be an old friend... only problem is the fact that there is no name attached. And that again could be plausibly explained.
Long way of saying it doesn't LOOK good but it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating. Keep your eyes and ears open. Like susie says speak with him and watch his reactions.

anniemac · 30/08/2008 01:13

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hollyandnoah · 30/08/2008 01:31

If i found those texts, any of them not just the "are you back yet babe?x" I would probably think he was up to no good tbh.
I would either... take a sneaky peek at his phone at random times over the next few days, like when he's in the loo or something. See if there are more.

Does he take his mob in the bedroom at night? Like for an alarm or something? If so, slip ir down the side of the bed/behind unit/underbed and see how he reacts when he thinks he has misplaced it. Offer t help him find it and see how he reacts when you 'find' it.

Ehm, if you have enough time you could always delete all her texts and send the exact same ones to his phone from another number (spare sim?) and if he went to reply they would come to you and not her.

Get a friend or someone to text him using such text style and see how he replies. he might say " is that you xxx"

Failing all that, just say. "ahem whats all this?!?! "

But i would prob do a bit of sneaking first lol..just me though!

Linchan · 30/08/2008 01:32

Could you get a friend you trust to fake a marketing call to the number to find out who it is? No, too skulduggery. I'd be concerned but I'm a hothead and I'd probably have it out with hime directly without thinking about it first.

I hope it's not what you fear... be brave, though. Like annie says, have a dig first but I'd think it would be worth talking to him about it. Good luck.

loopylou6 · 31/08/2008 10:33

did he agree to let you have the phone to play games? or where you playing it when he didnt know?

TheHedgeWitch · 31/08/2008 12:11

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mankymummy · 31/08/2008 12:14

i wouldnt worry about any of them apart from the word babe.

maybe im in the minority but anyone i know would only use that with someone they are intimately involved with.

TheHedgeWitch · 31/08/2008 12:14

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shoot · 31/08/2008 12:23

If it was my DP I'd know there was another woman- particularly as there's no name attached to the number, and 'babe' has been said. I would KNOW.

But other people's relationships are different.

Can you think of an explanation?

FluffyMummy123 · 31/08/2008 12:27

Message withdrawn

nappyaddict · 31/08/2008 12:31

the babe bit wouldn't bother me. i call everyone babe, darling, chick etc

pamelat · 31/08/2008 18:58

I would be immediately suspicious & have to ask him about it. I am a suspicious person though.

Some girls do sign all texts with kisses and call everyone babe.

The one about having to go because he is waking would worry me as it sounds like her boyfriend/who ever would not appreciate her speaking to him. BUT, I suppose there could be innocent explanations.

I would probably call the no, you may even get lucky and get voicemail which tells you who she is? Or better really, ask him.

Pan · 31/08/2008 19:11

I don't think you can access the messages in the way you described. I do think you opened the messages file deliberately. There is no 'short cut' to press by mistake. And I suspect you did this as you do have anxieties already. So, as you say, please be honest.

nappyaddict · 31/08/2008 23:36

oh i assumed she was talking about a child waking up.

Beaches · 31/08/2008 23:41

I thought it was a child waking too, I address all my friends like this, male and female, married attached and single, everyone is honey! My dp does not worry about it, I know your knee jerk reaction is to panic but dont play games or sneak about, just ask, calmly! Good luck

Gobbledigook · 31/08/2008 23:44

I wouldn't think. I'd kill.

Ring alarm bells? Well if it was my dh and someone was calling him babe they'd be in BIG trouble!

Gobbledigook · 31/08/2008 23:45

cod, you'd ring?

TBh, I'd be straight to dh with it saying 'what the hell is this all about?'

Katw3kitts · 31/08/2008 23:52

DH used to get text occasional messages on his phone from (we assumed) a woman .. he did show them to me)No name.

Months later they started getting juicier and mentioned a man that DH knew.

Curiosity got the better of DH and he Eventually phoned the initiator. She answered with a cheery 'Hello X ...' and he discovered that he vaugely knew her as she worked in another office.

He explained he had been getting some texts and she giggled nervously as she realised that she had been calling the wrong X on her mobile. They had similar names !!

So... there could be an innocent explanation.... but I'd be tempted to call the number. Use a pay phone if you want to be anonymous

handlemecarefully · 01/09/2008 00:01

I would think he is having an affair......