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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Quick question - if you found these texts, what would you think?

59 replies

SorryNeedANameChange · 30/08/2008 00:06

I was playing on DP's mobile phone game and it suddenly went off when I pressed a wrong button. I had to fiddle with it to find the game again and came across his texts. Curiosity got the better of me and I looked through a few of them (thats genuinly how it happened) and here is what I found.

"Sorry, had to go, he was waking up. spk to u soon xxx"

"I just needed someone to talk to x"

"Its a shame you're at work, we could have met up for a drink x"

"are you back yet babe? xx"

All from the same number. No name attached to it.

So what would you think? please be honest.

OP posts:
Anifrangapani · 01/09/2008 00:07

Frankly - if it was my dh I would nail him to the floor with a very large rusty nail, straight through his sac, but that comes with history So I am not the best person to ask.

geminigirl · 01/09/2008 00:08

I would be in two minds about it, I would certainly be suspicious but would he not have deleted them if they were something to hide? But maybe he's doing a double bluff and he wants you to think that... I think you will have to maybe pretend that your phone isn't working and you need to text someone and 'accidentally' find the texts and ask him about them.

Mamazon · 01/09/2008 00:08

If it had a name attached i would give the benefit of the doubt but i would question him.

I don't thnk he would let youplay on his phone if he thought there was anything to hide though.

ask him outright who it was and what they were discussing.
I know a lot of people who call everyone "babe" "doll" sweet"

nappyaddict · 01/09/2008 00:46

If it was a wrong number though like with Kat's dp surely you'd just delete them?

flameavoidancename · 01/09/2008 00:56

looks like flirty text messages from a younger woman. Ask him, but don't be surprised if from then on he hangs on to his phone for dear life after promising its a wrong number.

My spoken for man immediately got himself a second phone and we only text via that number. Its hidden, she hasn't found it.

If your dh is having an affair, he's not being very discreet.

BlackEyedDog · 01/09/2008 01:00

Whattt? Flameavoidance?? Sorry that's horrible.

BlackEyedDog · 01/09/2008 01:21

To op: can you think of reasons that this may be untoward? Late home from work for example? Offhand mention of some witty woman from the office- its hard for some guys not to mention the object of their desire?

If this is ringing bells with you then: keep schtum, have a check about, try and see what's what. Personally I'd be looking for more clues, I might even send a txt from his phone to see what I get back! Reason is that someone having an affair rarely owns up to it IME, so checking before asking "who the F is this?" can get you some answers.

If you think all seems well enough then I would simply say 'Who is sending you these texts, dear?'

susiecutiebananas · 02/09/2008 00:27

I think there was someone on here who did just that. replied to the message in a 'flirty' way, and got back a text she had not been wanting. She found out a horribly hard way that her H was having an affair.

I really do NOT think you should be sneaky, or use any odd tactics to find out.

You need to just talk to him. Do not accuse him, be honest with him, and tell him you had read them. Tell him what is worrying you, be open. He will more likely tell you the truth. Honestly. Trust me on this one

It might actually not be what you are thinking or what posters here are suggesting. I truly hope not. Good luck.

monkeysmama · 02/09/2008 13:02

Are you prepared for the truth? I found something similar many years ago (to my dad not dp). The truth came out and hurt a lot of people for a long time. I am not suggesting that it wouldn't have anyway just that from the moment you ask you have to be prepared for the immediate fallout.

Good luck whatever you do.

pattymc · 02/09/2008 13:10

hi sorry haven't read all the replies but if I read this I would be suspicious. First I would call a friend and ask them to call the number and find out who it was without that person realising - then I would check dh phone over the next few days to see if there were any more texts - sorry this sounds so devious but better to get things clear before you start accusing and no good asking dp as he will just deny and be more careful (if there is something going on) and you may never find out the truth and he mght carry on.

sueellenewing · 02/09/2008 13:14

did you have a look at his sent messages?

what time of day were these messages received? can you identify them as significant in the context of work/home life etc ... (by that i mean are they in working hours or late at night when he is at home)?

tbh the fact that the number doesnt have a name suggests that there is something he doesnt want you to know about

why not phone the number from your own mobile in case it is someone you both know (sorry)?

DungunGirl · 02/09/2008 13:19

I had this happen to me before.

It was when I was 20 and with my boyfriend of 5 years, I found lots of calls to a unfamiliar number on his phone bill.

I thought this was weird as he always got out of calling me for too long or too often by saying that it was too expensive to call on his mobile.

I guess I am less trusting than some of the ladies here, I marched straight up to him, demanded his mobile phone and instantly accused him of calling another girl and therefore cheating.

Funny thing that 'gut feeling' - I was right.

Just to sweeten the deal, when he admitted it was another girl, I smashed up his phone! Was the best feeling ever.

FlightAttendent · 02/09/2008 13:22

It sounds like someone who is relying on him emotionally. He might have been a shoulder to cry on for a colleague or something and colleague got carried away, or it might be a two way thing.

It does sound like he is involved in something dishonest though

FlightAttendent · 02/09/2008 13:22

Yes has he got anything odd in the 'sent' folder?

cheesesarnie · 02/09/2008 13:25

id be angry.have you spoken to him about it?asked whats going on?

cheesesarnie · 02/09/2008 13:26

where is op?first post was sat nothing since?hope ok

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 02/09/2008 13:29

This is suspicious I am sorry to say. Whatever what you look at it, it is. The fact that there is no name attached speaks in louder volumes than the content of the texts.

Another very valid point though has alrady been addressd.. was he letting you use his phone voluntarily? People with something to hide on their phones go to great lengths to stop them being looked at by their other halves.

muckypups · 02/09/2008 13:31

Its ther babe one that i would hate. Its my pet name and my dh was texting someone else calling her babe. Hurt like hell. Get a friend to phone the number and see who ans, your friend could then say sorry wrong numbere. Hope it works out ok. Take care xx

Bronze · 02/09/2008 13:34

What time were the texts sent?
Especially the "are you back yet babe? xx"

Dior · 02/09/2008 13:35

Message withdrawn

muckypups · 02/09/2008 13:36

flameavoidence your message has made me feel physically sick. Wheres your tact for the wifes going through this pain????? And thanks for the tip about another phone, nmade me feel 100% better NOT!

Flamesparrow · 02/09/2008 13:44

Just sticking my head in to say that flameavoidance is NOTHING to do with me!!!

cheesesarnie · 02/09/2008 13:45

did wonder flame but didnt 'sound' like you!
flameavoidance-sounds bitter-fresh hurt maybe?which is no excuse but if its a recent thing i think id be narky about subject too iyswim

muckypups · 02/09/2008 13:48

Sorry everone, im just so cross and upset now . I really feel for the poster after having recently been through this. I mean, how on earth has her post helped sorryneedanamechange????

Flamesparrow · 02/09/2008 13:48

Someone sent me an email asking me!!

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