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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being spoken to like crap

64 replies

Milcy · 12/08/2008 14:41

Am I being OTT to be upset by this?

I'm trying to tidy up last night after having been at work. First thing that happens is DH finishes a packet of crisps and just slings the bag on the floor and then points to it for me to pick up I picked it up to avoid an argument and then get the hoovr out and DH shouts "you can fuck off with that, I'm watching telly"

So I left the hoover in the middle of the floor and stormed out and he said I was trying to cause an argument.

I'm still a bit upset about it, I just feel like he doesn't respect me at all.

OP posts:
tiredemma · 12/08/2008 14:42

He sounds like an absolute shitbag.

Is he normally such a cunt?

beanieb · 12/08/2008 14:44

erm. he's a dick quite obviously. If he did say those words in that exact order and it was clear he wasn't joking (sometimes couples do have jokes like this) then it's totally out of order. Was this a first time thig or has he behaved like this before?

mountaingirl · 12/08/2008 14:44

Get a large bucket of water a throw it over him! How dare he speak to you like that. Poor you.

Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 14:44

Its hard to say, sometimes he's absolutely brilliant but other times he's like this. Like an absolute split personality.

OP posts:
olympicsnotfederer · 12/08/2008 14:45
Hmm
Miggsie · 12/08/2008 14:46

Oh dear, that is just terrible, really really disrespectful and unkind.

If he treated a member of staff like that at work he'd be up for a disciplinary for unacceptable behaviour/bullying.

No wonder you were cross.

Is this a regular occurence?

CatIsSleepy · 12/08/2008 14:46

sounds like a horrible way for anyone to behave

Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 14:46

He wasn't joking, he didn't even look at me when he said it. The most annoying bit about it is that he saw me get it out, saw me faff unwinding the wire and almost hang myself bringing it into the living room and THEN says I can't use it

OP posts:
turquoise · 12/08/2008 14:48

I'd be pissed off as hell at the slinging of the crisp bag on the floor, before you even get to the offensiveness of the pointing to it for you to pick up. That is pretty indicative of a total lack of respect for you, even without the speaking to you like crap part.

Is he normally such a complete arse?

goingslowlymad · 12/08/2008 14:50

My husband would be dead if he spoke to me like that. He wouldn't dare. Nor would I ever treat him like that.

Why the hell are you with him? That alone would be a mrriage killer for me and I can't believe if he talks to you like that then it's a one off incident.

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy · 12/08/2008 14:50

tiredemma I heart you
that was brilliant

how did you nearly hang yourself?
Do you keep the vacuum cleaner on a high shelf?

tiredemma · 12/08/2008 14:51

he sounds like a bully. Id wrap the vacuum wire around his bloody neck.

tiredemma · 12/08/2008 14:53

FFFF- I dont normally use such words, but will make an exception in this case, as he clearly is one.

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy · 12/08/2008 14:56

I use words like that all the time, but never with such aplomb.

I'd shove the crisp packet down his snivelly gullet and attempt to hoover it out the back end.

beanieb · 12/08/2008 14:56

has this behaviour only just started to annoy you? If you have put up with it for a long time he might just feel like it's acceptable and it may be difficult to get through to him how much it hurts. I would say you need to be strong and talk to him about how his behaviour is making you feel.

maybe hoovering just as he was watching TV was a bit pointless but you don't deserve to be spoken to like that.

Personally if it were me I wouldn't have picked up the crisp packet.

Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 14:58

I don't mean hang myself litrally, I just mean I really hurt myself.

He is often like this. He'll say to me "go and get me my coat" so I'll take him it and you can guarantee he'll say its the wrong one and make me go back and get his other one.

If he spills a drink he'll just shout "there's a mess on the living room floor when you get a minute" god forbid he clean it up himself.

Like this morning he was watching berenstain bears and was eating a cereal bar, picked all the raisins out of it and lined them up on the arm of the sofa before swiping them all onto the floor and telling me not to buy them again as they have raisins in. He then points to the mess and says "see? pick them up will you?" .

There's other stuff too but I'm going to stop whinging before I bore everyone. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't me being a cry baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 14:59

I have put up with it for a long time so I know half of it is my own fault.

OP posts:
tiredemma · 12/08/2008 15:00

I believed you until I read this

"Like this morning he was watching berenstain bears and was eating a cereal bar, picked all the raisins out of it and lined them up on the arm of the sofa before swiping them all onto the floor and telling me not to buy them again as they have raisins in. He then points to the mess and says "see? pick them up will you?" .

You have to be joking. He would be fucking dead and buried in this house.

beanieb · 12/08/2008 15:01

poor you. He sounds like a horrible horrible man. Do you think you could stand up to him a bit and tell him you won't accept behaviour like that anymore? Even if you can't say this to him you could demonstrate it by refusing to pick up after him?

hellish · 12/08/2008 15:02

That is disgraceful, my husband is a total arse but even he doesn't throw stuff on the floor and expect me to pick it up.

No good advice (I'm not in a good position to give relationship advice) but sorry you are having to put up with this and I hope you find a way to improve things.

goingslowlymad · 12/08/2008 15:03

I hope this thread is a wind-up.

If not then you are probably not going to take any advice given to you anyway.

Miggsie · 12/08/2008 15:03

Milcy
he's a bully and he's treating you like a slave/servant I'm afraid.
It is not your fault he is like that.

You are not a cry baby, you have a legitimate right to be upset.

This is emotional abuse.
Please ring women's aid, they can talk to you and help.

Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 15:03

I'm not joking tiredemma, he does that kind of thing all the time, thats why it doesn't seem a big deal to me anymore but when I tell othr people they're

I have tried beanib, I stopped picking his clothes up and didn't wash anything unless it was in the wash basket but it didn't work.

OP posts:
beanieb · 12/08/2008 15:12

when you say it didn't work, what do you mean?

hercules1 · 12/08/2008 15:14

Milcy, I've read your other posts and although you may be a troll it's better that we act as if this is genuine.

THe man is a sadistic bully, really he is.
Follow the advice given to you and contact womans aid.