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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being spoken to like crap

64 replies

Milcy · 12/08/2008 14:41

Am I being OTT to be upset by this?

I'm trying to tidy up last night after having been at work. First thing that happens is DH finishes a packet of crisps and just slings the bag on the floor and then points to it for me to pick up I picked it up to avoid an argument and then get the hoovr out and DH shouts "you can fuck off with that, I'm watching telly"

So I left the hoover in the middle of the floor and stormed out and he said I was trying to cause an argument.

I'm still a bit upset about it, I just feel like he doesn't respect me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 15:14

everytime he went in the bathroom he emptied the wash basket all over the floor so I ended up picking everyones clothes up anyway. If anything I gave myself more work this way.

OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 12/08/2008 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotDoingTheHousework · 12/08/2008 15:16

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 15:16

He does work. We both do.

OP posts:
FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy · 12/08/2008 15:18

I don't know what a berenstain bear is.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 12/08/2008 15:24

Milcy, serious, I started reading the thread halfway through,and assumed you were talking about your four year old son.

I was going to suggest a complete clampdown on all privileges until he can treat you with respect.

now I see that actually, it's your husband. You are allowing yourself to be treated like a slave by a fully grown man.

What kind of arrogant prick is he?

My advice, honest to God, is to leave him. I usually suggest relate, but I also believe that true twattery never dies, and his never with.

beanieb · 12/08/2008 15:27

Do you actually speak to eachother? When he was tipping the laundry on the floor did you ever ask why or did he ever ask you why?

Is your relationship conducted through a series of grunts?

hercules1 · 12/08/2008 15:29

Milcy - has he ever threatened you or been violent?

AnnasBananas · 12/08/2008 15:30

Oh man he is a LOSER. Sorry you are married to him he is rude and disrespectful. I would lay down a few ground rules or tell him to sling his hook.

Portofino · 12/08/2008 15:31

Does he have any redeeming features at all?

To me, even he was an extremely well endowed George Clooney lookalike with a sparkling wit and huge bank balance - there is absolutely no way I would allow him to speak to me like that!

ThatBigGermanPrison · 12/08/2008 15:33

Let me take a wild guess.

You don't challenge him any more, because although he's not a violent man (and you know this because he tells you so), if you push your luck, he pushes you over. He loses it and kicks holes in the doors. Does he throw things? He will soon, if you challenge him.

And although he's not a violent man, he thinks that some women are just asking for it. I mean, there's just no need to wind a man up when he's had a hard day at work.

Good job you don't dare wind him up, isn't it? Because although he's not a violent man (and you know that's so, because he tells you so), I suspect he'd knock your two front teeth from your skull if you argued with him for long enough.

Then he'd inform you that you'd pushed him to it.

I hope I'm wrong.

I don't think I am.

beanieb · 12/08/2008 15:34

even if he hasn't been violent or threatened you he is still a dick and you don't have to put up with it. You also don't need him to have been violent to make the decision to leave him.

what you need to do is decide why on earth you would still love a man who treats you like this and (If you have children) if you want them to grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable. You have a responsibility to your self to be happy and you deserve some respect.

If you are genuine then please think about why you are still there and how you can change either his behaviour or your life by moving out.

beanieb · 12/08/2008 15:35

"Let me take a wild guess.

You don't challenge him any more, because although he's not a violent man (and you know this because he tells you so), if you push your luck, he pushes you over. He loses it and kicks holes in the doors. Does he throw things? He will soon, if you challenge him.

And although he's not a violent man, he thinks that some women are just asking for it. I mean, there's just no need to wind a man up when he's had a hard day at work.

Good job you don't dare wind him up, isn't it? Because although he's not a violent man (and you know that's so, because he tells you so), I suspect he'd knock your two front teeth from your skull if you argued with him for long enough.

Then he'd inform you that you'd pushed him to it.

I hope I'm wrong.

I don't think I am."

Blimey - this is rather a massive leap of the imagination isn't it? The OP hasn't said anything like this in any of the threads she has started, nothing at all. People can be controlling but not violent!

ThatBigGermanPrison · 12/08/2008 15:39

Like I say I hope I'm wrong. I don't think I am though. What else but the fear of violence could be keeping a Western-raised adult in such domestic subservience that she grovels on the floor for freshly dropped crisp packets when ordered to pick them up by her husband?

dittany · 12/08/2008 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zsos · 12/08/2008 15:41

This is HORRIBLE you really need to get out of this. I cant believe this!!! terrible. Does he have BiPolar disorder?? maybe you should talk to your doctor. But most of all i think you should leave this man, BEFORE your kids start picking up this kind of behavior would you want your son to talk to his partner this way or your daughter to get talk to this way? they will pick up on it.

BeHereNow · 12/08/2008 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Milcy · 12/08/2008 15:52

I just wanted to reply incase anyone thinks the thread is a joke. I'm going to be back on later but I have to go now, he's due home from work soon.

He's never been violent though. I'll be back later.

OP posts:
MatNanPlus · 12/08/2008 15:56

Milcy please see someone, that is an incrediably distructive relationship for you and the DC's.

My friend learn't the hard way she was knocked unconscious at her home and left alone till she came round over 3 hours latern suffering massive facial/skull bruising and swelling including fractures to her cheek bone and skull, he was a controlling 28yo man who lost it one evening over her not answering the door to him quick enough !!

He had worn her down over their 5 yr relationship with belittling comments and it was hard to watch, she had been a very self relient single parent before meeting him.

As the relationship developed she always had a reason for not :

Returning the phone call she hadn't been told had been recieved,

Answering/Replying to the text or email that had been sent and deleted,

She had a hard time rebuilding her self esteem and it shadows her still some days but she is more like my old friend now 3yrs on and she is getting mentally stronger by the day.

beanieb · 12/08/2008 15:59
Hmm
MatNanPlus · 12/08/2008 16:00

Powerful website Dittany

lizinthesticks · 12/08/2008 16:03

"eating a cereal bar, picked all the raisins out of it and lined them up on the arm of the sofa before swiping them all onto the floor and telling me not to buy them again as they have raisins in. He then points to the mess and says "see? pick them up will you?" ."

Holy mother of shite!! You should've sunk an axe in his back!! Ok, well - no. But honest to god that's just so fucked up. Christ. What manner of twisted bullshit IS this?? Ditch the tosser. Seriously.

Kally · 12/08/2008 16:18

errrrmmmm... noone surely believes this? Its a wind-up no? I'd be ashamed to even admit I was pandering to someone like this. please say it's a wind-up...

SueMunch · 12/08/2008 16:19

Just throwing the bag on the floor would be enough in my household.

We teach our children that this is wrong, it would never be an issue for us as an adult couple.

I would definately be concerned about the swearing - it's something that shouldn't be tolerated and is totally disrespectful to you

Kally · 12/08/2008 16:21

please?... does anyone else think it's a wind-up?

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