Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

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...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

There was an excellent post from someone else (OldLady?) several pages back pointing out that people pay for all kinds of services, some of which are more pleasant to perform than others, many of which the customers could perform for themselves yet choose not to, and asking why sex is still seen as something that it's so wrong to pay for - which has not been answered by any of those objecting to sex work and sex workers. People rent their bodies to employers for an agreed amount of money over an agreed amount of time - and, dittany, the reason I think that sex work can be a better option than marriage (if the sex work is entered into freely and the sex worker chooses her clients etc) is that the sex worker gets time off whereas a woman in a bad marriage is stuck in it full-time until she finds the help and the strength to get away.

OBM: Yes, tis me. Namechanged for a variety of reasons (none of which are sinister).

Some women pay for sex. Is that not Ok?

oh good re not sinister - and apols for lack of tact, I was beginning to worry that I should delete my post.
i am really off to bed now tho

Well Dittany, not everyone thinks that displaying their genitals or having them touched is such a terrible thing. People do, after all, touch genitals and penetrate bodies in the course of medical treatment (both conventional and 'alternative therapies'). Many jobs put employees at risk of contracting diseases or being injured (refuse collectors can get pricked by discarded HIV-infected syringes, people who work in the emergency services can get bitten or punched or kicked by those they are trying to assist). And I do not deny that some sex workers are abused and exploited and trapped any more than I am claiming that all marriages are abusive and toxic. But you seem unable to see any middle ground between lovely loving sex and foul horrible paid-for sex.

OBM: No worries. I changed my name partly out of boredom and wanting a proper MN-style conceptual name and partly because the old name was a little bit blindingly obvious to even casual acquaintances - and I do recommend MN to other mums at P&T group etc, not all of whom do I want to know either some of my more unconventional opinions or some of the personal stuff I have posted. Well I don't want to give them a big glow in the dark neon indicator that it's me, anyway...

fatbob, I have never had a beating but I'm pretty sure it's not nice. It is a ridiculous notion to think that you have to have experienced something to have an opinion on it.

i have never had a period, i bet they are really not that bad to be honest.

thats my opinion

PS i also dont post in threads about periods becuase i havent got a clue.

I post in threads about human activities because I am a human being.

Im not im a scumbag

I've been to strip clubs and I do know women who've worked in the industry including women who've have NOT been prostituted.

anyway i was talking to twelvelegs not you so there.

Message withdrawn

Some women pay for sex. Is that ok?

Cod I thought you were Teresa May

and what about arranged marriages in other cultures where the brides family get a gift/money for entering into the marriage?

I quite like this:

People do not rent their bodies to employers, they rent their skills their brains and their labour, none of which involve the gentilia.

SheSells, that is an interesting new tangent!

Would you rather be a lapdancer or marry a much older man you had been betrothed to since you were 7?

I'd be a lapdancer any day (if there was much call for old crones in the industry)

id much rather dance. i was offered by a man to settle down with him and he would look after me and i never have to work again. he was older but not old. he was a business man who worked long hours and found it difficult to find the time to meet anyone/socialise outside of work. i politley declined. i dont want to be reliant on a man for money. id rather earn my own any day. its much safer.

but my point about the arranged marriages is that it that wrong? your not only exchanging money for sex but also for love and you are making a commintment for the rest of your life to some one you barely know. yet it is accpetable in many cultures and is part of thier religion, i would feel very uncomfortable telling some one that thier religous beliefs were wrong and disgusting and objectified women. but to me lapdancing would be a much better option.

clearly the arranged marriages were either party is unhappy to enter into is wrong but many woman are happy to have arranged marriages as are many men.

Would you rather be enslaved to a husband than an industry? Good gracious it is stupid to start talking about things that may be worse in order to make lap dancing acceptable.
How about some women earn enough and have enough self esteem to never contimplate taking their clothes off for a living?
Besides we are not discussing cultures that have arranged marriages, we are discussing main stream British culture and what is acceptable.
If my daughter were to choose to lap dance for a living I would feel like I had let her down in some great way. Likewise most parents would rather say their daughter were a doctor/lawyer/office worker etc than a stripper for a living.

Ah - so it's the taking clothes off for money which is wrong?

So what you are saying is that the woman who take their clothes off to earn money must be somehow lacking in self-esteem?