I've name changed to do this thread. I'm a long-standing regular MNetter.
I just need some help/advice about my relationship with my DH. We have two daughters.
I have been with DH for almost 20yrs. He is a lovely caring guy, when he wants to be. He has a temper. I saw it this morning.
He works extremely hard and puts his job first and foremost in his life, even before me and the kids. This has always been a bug-bear for me. Whilst I know holding down a full-time job is important I don't see it should always come first. He is in charge of his own working day. He can make changes to his day if he chooses to. When it comes to me and the kids he won't.
He has no relationship with his parents. He blames me for that. They never liked me from day one. They've always made it obvious they don't like me. They preferred his first wife. We have not seen them for many years. They've not even met our youngest daughter. Their choice, not ours. We ring them - they put the phone down. We text them - no reply. They live a 2hr drive away. His Father once said to me on one of our first visits that I was the girlfriend on the rebound. He has also called me some vicious names in the past and has made some very threatening comments about my family. As a result I do not like or trust DH's family.
DH's temper was awful this morning. I told him I'd had enough of being stuck at home. I desperately want to go back to work but I have the children to consider. My youngest is due to start school this Autumn but finding a job that will fit with school-runs is almost impossible around here. The schools themselves have no part-time work either. I told him I'd love to go out one evening, even just for a drink, but there is no-one to have the kids. I have friends but I don't like to ask them. DH has no friends - he is always too wrapped up with work to keep his mates outside work.
I told him to f-off this morning. I'd had enough. He keeps me awake with his snoring. He doesn't come to bed until the early hours because he watches rubbish on tv. He wakes me up when he comes to bed. We have no sex life whatsoever. I can't remember the last time we had sex - must be last year. When I told him to f-off this morning his reply was 'ok, I'm off'. I told him not to come back. His reply was 'ok, fine'. He was stood at the stairs and he told me to push him down the stairs. He kept telling me to push him...'come on push me down the stairs then'. Needless to say I didn't.
We have no money. We are fully skint. I am struggling to keep our fridge full. DH's money is good but with our mortgage and general outgoings we have next to nothing to live off. I have a car which I've considered getting rid of but I know if I do I'll need it for some emergency or other. I have an elderly Mum who doesn't drive and lives 10 miles away. My Dad died some years ago. I can't get rid of the car in case she needs me. I can't afford to run the car but its legal, that's about it.
I worry that the kids are picking up on the bad state of my relationship with DH. He does nothing to help himself. He is a good Dad but has no patience with them. I'm often telling him to calm it with the kids because its all too easy for him to raise his voice with them. The eldest is now becoming quite scared of him and his temper. He has never hurt them. He's not like that but his shouting and temper is scaring her. She comes to me when he's like that.
I can't afford to be living on my own with the kids. We don't have the money to survive. He has nowhere to go anyway. He'll never leave. His parents won't want him. He has no other family.
Y'know what though. I do love him. But I don't love him the same way I used to love him. I don't feel close to him anymore. We don't kiss or cuddle. I hate this. What do I do? xxx