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Night in police custody

301 replies

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 18:54

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 08/11/2026 22:26

I’m afraid this is very common and another way to abuse you.

I work in custody and see it A LOT.

glad you’ve ended the relationship. Do not let him worm his way back in.

I’m sorry you found it traumatic (understandably).

shuggles · 08/11/2026 22:28

@fireflyblue how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

Completely putting aside who said what, and who did what... it should be completely clear that the two of you should not be in a relationship, and you should not be living in the same home.

whippersnapper55 · 08/11/2026 22:35

I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience. He must have thought quickly once you'd phoned the police and hit himself in the face leaving marks. He's shown you his true colours and it's a very good job you are never going to see him again. Don't let him talk you round. Block him on everything.

As to the experience with the police, unfortunately I don't think making a complaint will do much except subject you to a lengthy stressful process that is unlikely to result in a positive outcome for you. If the police say they have evidence of you committing assault then they can say they followed the correct procedure. Did they take photos of the marks?

Luddite26 · 08/11/2026 22:35

RumPidgeon · 08/11/2026 21:30

DARVO comes to mind. Do not go back to this man - he will harm you in ways you cannot imagine. I’ve been there. I have very finely attuned spider senses now.

I‘m really sorry this has happened to you. If you feel up for it you can write a complaint into the police force who arrested you. I‘m not sure what would come of it but I think it’s awful you were taken in like this - instead of just told to go home.

Block this man and forget him. Focus on your kids - think about the impact this would have on them. Losing their Mum and you losing them.

@fireflyblue please don't go back.
He will put you through hell.

wizzywig · 08/11/2026 22:36

Please get your version of events recorded otherwise all that will be on record is his. Its pretty much par for the course that a dv perpetrator will say that they are a victim.

Thewonderfuldollypartonsbra · 08/11/2026 22:38

UnctuousUnicorns · 08/11/2026 22:15

Imagine being such a pathetic specimen of a "man" that you falsely accuse a woman of assaulting you! His mother must be so proud!

My ex was a controlling arsehole

If I didn't conform to his rules,id get a slap (or worse)

One day he had me pinned,by my throat over the safety gate id installed so I could leave dd safely while I ran for a wee (I think a female friend had texted and I refused to show him the message so he claimed i was hiding a secret boyfriend)

I admit I punched him (using the heel of my hand) to get him off me

He rang the police and wailed id hit him and he wanted me arrested

I told them what had actually happened and you could tell they didn't believe me (I had fingertip marks around my neck)

They told me I was very lucky that they where not going to arrest me 'this time' for hitting him and took him away to catch the next bus home

The bus stop was the next street along

They didn't even hang around to make sure he got on it-they dumped him there and drove off

They where not happy when they got re-called out,10 minutes later as he was banging on my door so hard,I thought he was going to put it through

They did arrest him but let him out a few hours later with no charges

They also told me to stop wasting their time and the next time I rang,they would issue me with a £90 fine

I have no faith in them-they don't care about women and girls at all

Fortuity · 08/11/2026 22:42

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 19:21

yes, I sent him a message saying it’s over and that I don’t want to be contacted by him again.

he replied saying that I’m overreacting and that we can sort things out!

I’ve blocked him now. As much as I know we can’t continue in a relationship after this, it’s still difficult walking away - it doesn’t help that we have loads of plans in the lead up to Christmas with both our children, I have to remind myself that a change of plan is better than me and my children being exposed to a man as toxic as him.

Good grief. If you had made a false allegation against him which resulted in him being arrested, made no attempt to retract the allegation so that you could be released, and then swanned off on his return to have a drink with your mates in order to relax, I would love to know what he thinks an appropriate reaction would be.

He's not only a lying bastard, he's very very stupid. Your life will be so much better without him in it.

Copperoliverbear · 08/11/2026 22:42

Make sure you don’t give in never see him again.

DrBlackbird · 08/11/2026 22:49

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 08/11/2026 19:21

Agree with others surely he is an ex boyfriend now?

The police did nothing wrong in arresting you. He alleged assault and appeared to have injuries to support his allegation. They had to investigate that.

The experience was awful but you need to focus your anger on him not the police.

Block him. Dont ever see him again.

The police did nothing wrong in arresting you. He alleged assault and appeared to have injuries to support his allegation. They had to investigate that.

Give me a break. They did not have to lock her up. She was the one who called the police. She was the complaint! That call would be recorded. What was her height/weight vs his?What is more likely between who’s the aggressor and who’s the victim? The vast percentage of domestic abuse is M on F.

@fireflyblue you should make a formal complaint about how the police handled this. Why should they have believed his word over yours?

The police are institutionally misogynistic and raging sexists. There’s no end to the evidence of this year in, year out. Just how many times will women be murdered by stalkers and exes after their concerns were dismissed by the police? In the case of one young woman, she was the one fined by the police for vexatious complaints before being murdered by the ex.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-67440814

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65015479

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/next-steps-to-rid-police-of-misogyny-and-predatory-behaviour

https://www.thecanary.co/uk/2026/07/17/police-misogyny/

https://www.cps.gov.uk/london-south/news/police-officer-jailed-rape-after-prosecutors-use-previous-trial-evidence-expose

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2026/oct/16/devon-cornwall-police-settle-lawsuit-male-officers-abuse-claims

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgq06d44jyo

Met Police officers

Met Police: Women and children failed by 'boys' club', review finds

The Met is institutionally racist, misogynistic and homophobic, Baroness Casey's damning report finds.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65015479

Blue18273 · 08/11/2026 22:57

Surely a normal human would be like no this man isn’t who I thought he was, I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine so just going to call it. Get a taxi home and cut all ties…don’t believe you’re telling the whole story and suspect you are both a Jeremy Kyle story

BrentfordForever · 08/11/2026 22:57

@fireflyblue sending hugs, how scary 😟

well done for getting rid, if he ever tries to change your mind, just remember next time he ll do something worse, to you or a loved one

he’s the worse kind, the very very scary kind, cut all contact

sending love x

Winklepickers · 08/11/2026 22:58

Lemonfrost · 08/11/2026 20:53

Yes, plenty. I agree its a miniscule amount compared to men, but it's still plenty. The Police obviously felt the arrest was proportionate, and as an allegation had been made and there appeared to be evidence supporting that, they did the right thing.

they did not do the right thing. He alleged she punched him. She denied it. He had no injuries. ( marks are not injuries).

if you walked into a police station and said someone had punched you, they don’t make the person spend the night in jail. They would get interviewed, possibly charged and allowed to walk around until the court date.

over the top. Heavy handed.

firsttimepregnanthelp · 08/11/2026 23:04

@fireflybluei am so sorry this happened to you, what an awful experience. I would have thought they would have told you if they were referring you to Social Services, but even if they have they won't do anything as the relationship is over. You might receive a phone call from them but that will be the extent of it. They are used to dealing with malicious allegations.

AllRighterrrr · 08/11/2026 23:05

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 20:21

Yes he’s blocked. The police did say that I should consider a formal report about his behaviour and my original reason for calling them last night, they said I could call 101 and that it didn’t need to be done at the station today - I just wanted to get out of the place asap!

I hadn’t considered the point about him trying to make me feel scared to ever call the police on him again, that’s a real possibility that I hadn’t thought of

The other poster is exactly right. I called the police on my ex because he was threatening me. Whilst they were on their way (I believed) he called them to say it was an emergency I had attacked him and I was a psychopath because I was on antidepressants (not for mental health issues but pain control of chronic condition). I hadn't gone anywhere near him but when the police came it wasn't to talk to me about him but to him about me. I left with them because I had no idea what he was capable of after that. I ended it and don't regret it for a second. The poster was right. He's trying to take away your only safety net so you'll never trust the police to help you if anything happens again. Don't go anywhere near him so he can't call the police on you again.

Maia77 · 08/11/2026 23:05

Don't go near this toxic and abusive coward. Sorry you've had to go through this.

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/11/2026 23:06

LondonLass2026 · 08/11/2026 21:36

Not sure that's correct. My BIL is also a police officer and I asked him once, too. It WILL be on record that she has been arrested and it will show on checks. That's about the extent of my knowledge though, I don't know how she would get it deleted, I'm not a solicitor.

I've been arrested, then NFA'd. Nothing has ever come up on my several Enhanced DBS checks.

BlueFlyCheetah · 08/11/2026 23:06

LottaQ · 08/11/2026 20:19

Just what I was thinking! I don’t think o colas stand the injustice!

Exactly. Even without charges, that accusation is on record against her name now.

MyLifeHasChanged · 08/11/2026 23:09

Disaster 'relationship' 🙄
Get rid of it and focus solely on your kids.

Hankunamatata · 08/11/2026 23:12

As soon as you felt the need to pick up the phone to call the police the relationship should be over

No person has any right to make u feel that unsafe

Cantgetausername87 · 08/11/2026 23:12

Blue18273 · 08/11/2026 22:57

Surely a normal human would be like no this man isn’t who I thought he was, I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine so just going to call it. Get a taxi home and cut all ties…don’t believe you’re telling the whole story and suspect you are both a Jeremy Kyle story

Louder for those at the back WE DONT VICTIM BLAME

LondonLass2026 · 08/11/2026 23:13

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/11/2026 23:06

I've been arrested, then NFA'd. Nothing has ever come up on my several Enhanced DBS checks.

Genuinely good news. Just not sure why the police advised otherwise. I'd be delighted for op if nothing showed up.

She DOES now have an arrest record though. That's a fact.

Sweetandsours · 08/11/2026 23:16

He sounds like a very dangerous individual.
I sincerely hope you take the police advice and make a formal complaint and do a Claire's law request.

He needs to be reported.
He very deliberately did this to you and expected to continue to see you.

This is the real him, a complete liar.
Please report him.

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/11/2026 23:24

LondonLass2026 · 08/11/2026 23:13

Genuinely good news. Just not sure why the police advised otherwise. I'd be delighted for op if nothing showed up.

She DOES now have an arrest record though. That's a fact.

Genuinely wondering - what are the implications of having an "arrest record"?

I've never been in trouble with the police since my arrest (30 years ago!) And I've had unblemished DBS checks for my job role ever since.

Blue18273 · 08/11/2026 23:29

Cantgetausername87 · 08/11/2026 23:12

Louder for those at the back WE DONT VICTIM BLAME

It’s not victim blaming in fact quite the opposite, the reality (from personal experience) is not when a man has/is going to put hands on you that you stay in their house phone the police from their house the police turn up and they have marks on them and you don’t…in 99.999% of cases that’s not how domestic abuse from a male goes down and it’s a mockery/slap in the face to those who have faced the reality of it

Blue18273 · 08/11/2026 23:33

And to add the reality of the next day would is not I didn’t get a drink of juice, I had a thin blanket, I didn’t like what I slept in, it’s the fear of leaving safety to go back to zero safety