Night in police custody

[fireflyblue]

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

It is, it applies. I receive the notifications.

DARVO comes to mind. Do not go back to this man - he will harm you in ways you cannot imagine. I’ve been there. I have very finely attuned spider senses now.

I‘m really sorry this has happened to you. If you feel up for it you can write a complaint into the police force who arrested you. I‘m not sure what would come of it but I think it’s awful you were taken in like this - instead of just told to go home.

Block this man and forget him. Focus on your kids - think about the impact this would have on them. Losing their Mum and you losing them.

So if the OP hasn't stated where they are then how is it automatically my advice thats incorrect and not yours?

You can’t be “de-arrested” once you’ve been booked into custody. This can only be done before you are taken and booked in.

This will show as “no further action” on the PNC. It’s not a caution or a conviction, but a record of the offence arrested for.

Crazy that he thinks you're over reacting!

She isn't guilty ffs

Not sure that's correct. My BIL is also a police officer and I asked him once, too. It WILL be on record that she has been arrested and it will show on checks. That's about the extent of my knowledge though, I don't know how she would get it deleted, I'm not a solicitor.

I agree that it sounds like this isnt a new experience for him.

He knew what to do, what to say.....and his weird under reaction suggests that he is used to whoever he has done this to being talked around.

I would strongly suggest a Clare's Law application @fireflyblue , not least because if it comes back with anything then it strengthens any case you may wish to bring against him.

@fireflyblue

So sorry you went through this OP. I have been arrested a few times (long story). I was offered food - packaged sandwiches, fruit, energy bars, chocolate, tea, coffee and soft drinks.

It is shocking you could not call your children - how stressful. To have no toilet paper is a basic right and of course you would not know that you could ask for some as it was your first (and probably last) arrest.

When you feel able, look for a no win no fee solicitor as mentioned below. They can also help you get the incident erased under GDPR.

Please do not stay silent and feel embarrassed. You might help someone else who finds themselves in the same position.

From AI but useful

1. Civil Claim for Compensation (Actions Against the Police)

She can potentially bring a civil claim for False Imprisonment / Unlawful Arrest and Breach of Human Rights: Bullet Unlawful Arrest: Under Section 24 of the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 (PACE), an arrest must be both based on reasonable suspicion and strictly necessary. If a specialist solicitor can prove the officers lacked reasonable grounds or that a voluntary interview would have sufficed, the arrest is unlawful and compensation is payable for the period of detention. Bullet Custody Breaches (PACE Code C): Depriving a detainee of water or food for 10 hours and failing to allow a phone call to arrange urgent childcare are serious breaches of police custody codes of practice. These breaches strengthen a civil claim for distress and human rights violations.

1. Recommended Next Steps for Her

Bullet Get the Custody Record: She is legally entitled to request a copy of her Custody Record from the police station. This official log details exact timestamps of when she was processed, interviewed, and whether food/drink was offered. Bullet Write Down a Timeline: Encourage her to write down every detail while it is fresh (times, officers' badge numbers if remembered, exact timeline of custody). Bullet Contact a Specialist Solicitor: She should speak with a lawyer specializing in "Actions Against the Police." Many offer an initial free case review or work on a Conditional Fee Agreement (No Win No Fee).

Good lord why are people telling OP to leave and block him when she's said multiple times she has already done so.

OP I'm so sorry you went through this, firstly being made to feel afraid for your safety and secondly the injustice that you were made out to be the aggressor rather than the victim. I appreciate the police have processes to follow but that doesn't make it any easier on you. So many female victims of DV are let down it's horrifying. I hope you're doing ok, good riddance to him.

There's a toxic tone to your post. If I was OP I'd have a few choice words for you.....

Yes, that’s what I said. It’ll be on her PNC record that she was arrested but no further action was taken. It’s not an arrest/conviction so won’t be an automatic disclosure. Possibly for an enhanced DBS check, but only under special circumstances.

So sorry this happened to you.
A friend of mine had similar situation. Police arrested her and she spent a night in a cell, their small kids were left in his care. I couldnt believe it when i found out. My frkend was traumatised by the whole experience

Wow how awful for you - particularly as you called the police for help!
Take this as a lesson learned that he is definitely not the man for you.
He is an aggressive liar who doesn’t give a stuff about you!
If you rekindle this relationship you must be mad!!

For clarity, there are two parts to the process:

1. The Police Notification
The police will notify the educational setting of any domestic abuse incident, whether the children were present or not.

2. The School's Response
Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, children are recognised as victims in their own right if they see, hear, or experience the effects of domestic abuse.
Once the school receives an Operation Encompass notification, they use their safeguarding training and existing records to decide on the next steps:

• Immediate action: Assuming the children did not see or hear the incident and there are no other concerns, immediate support or referrals may not be needed. The notification will simply be logged on their safeguarding record.
• Ongoing monitoring: Even when absent, children can still be affected afterwards, such as if their mum is struggling to cope or if the ex-partner's behaviour continues. Because of this, the school will maintain a watching brief to look out for any ongoing effects.
• Tailored support: Any decisions about support are always personal to the family and the specific impact on the children.

The programme is designed to be supportive. Too often, children are in school struggling with the impact of domestic abuse on themselves or their parents, and nobody knows or only finds out days after the event. This reporting system ensures someone is aware and ready to help.

The discussion and information was provided as there are differing experiences and opinions offered to the OP, as to whether school and SS will be notified.

My ex did this to me and changed the locks while I was in custody. I was then on bail for a few weeks. I’ve not yet set foot in my home, this was 18 months ago.

I put a complaint in and was told the police don’t have to corroborate evidence before an arrest as they’re priority is to ensure the safety of everyone.

If your boyfriend makes any further allegations, even to you only, report them to the police. Get in there first. It’s what I was advised and have continued to do.

And LTB.

OP how awful.
I think it's utterly wrong the police arrested you.
For a start, YOU called THEM. Secondly, you had no marks on you. Third the police say they believed you, but acted like 'their hands were tied' and they "had" to arrest you. On what planet does a woman who called the police out of fear of violence from her bf end up spending the night in the cells?
I think you should absolutely take this further and report his behaviour to 101. You were put through an awful ordeal.
He is an evil, vindictive, abusive man to be able to think on his feet like that, bruise his own face, and get you arrested. Nasty piece of work - report him.

I would very much like to think you dumped him Straightafter this? Because if you didn’t, I’m not quite sure why you were writing this thread at all…

This exact same thing happened to my friend. I'm so sorry op. Absolutely wild that you can call the police and yet you're the one who ends up arrested.

This is clearly a horrible situation.

You sound quite capable. Perhaps write to your local councillor or visit your local MP's surgery. Take control of the situation. The cops owe you an apology, or at least an explanation. It might make you feel safer if you can understand what happened and why.

The police let themselves be used by an abusive man. Again.

Omg, let this be a huge lesson for you if you ever get tempted to go back to him. 1) a man who makes you so scared you get to the point of calling the police 2) a man who then lies about the situation resulting in you being arrested
Theres no future in this OP, please move on.

Imagine being such a pathetic specimen of a "man" that you falsely accuse a woman of assaulting you! His mother must be so proud!

Honestly, what is the point of posts like this?
You can read what the OP has said she's done. Why you would ignore it, then post to speculate about what she might or might not have done, makes no sense.

You poor girl, what an awful experience.

Just be glad it's all over with that man now. Be kind to yourself. x