Night in police custody

[fireflyblue]

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

We're on mumsnet and the op has given permission!

Did she not do that when she was interviewed? What else can she do?

Toxic. Get out and stay out of the relationship. You have to be strong and you have to get support from friends and family as he’ll try to coax you back. Do you have a child together?

Were you arrested?

But MN didnt, which is why it has been deleted.

Legislation, already posted up thread.
Legislation to inform children’s schools. This will form part of the safeguarding of children and the school may make a referral to SS as part of their duties.

www.operationencompass.org/

She was in custody not in prison.Custody is at the police station and the detainees are contained within a small room with a toilet and a sink and a thin plastic mattress on a cement or fibreglass "bed". Door is a heavy metal door with a small hatch letterbox like (slightly wider) for detention officers to pass meals, drink or communicate. Hatch is closed otherwise.

Don’t worry about @Crymeariver86 - the correct information from Operation Encompass has already been shared.

The scheme enables territorial police forces in England and Wales to
notify educational settings and, where relevant, local authorities about domestic abuse incidents they attend, including those attended via Rapid Video Response. Incidents are subject to an Operation Encompass notification where a child under 18 is a victim of domestic abuse. This includes children who are physically present at the incident, children who are not physically present during the incident, and situations where the child might reside in another household temporarily or permanently.

That's actually true, and is not frightening people. SS involvement is mandatory in domestic violence cases to safeguard the children. OP should cooperate fully and openely with any investigation regarding safeguarding. They are there to support not to frighten anyone.

You should consider your legal standpoint and do a complaint yourself . After all you where the one calling the police .
this reminds me of the Gabby petition when the police arrest her and claim he is the victims and then he kills her .
This is why women are dying at the hands of their partners .
Get legal help

I am so sorry OP.
However you have had a very lucky escape from a man who made you feel so threatened that you called the police AND then lied so that you got taken into custody AND then went to the pub with his mate!

Your life will be much better without such a dreadful person in it. Block and move forward.

Men are reacting strangely since Russel Brand was found guilty.

You need to leave him and never see him again for your own safety . He will do it again.

My sister tried this with me (she is narcissistic and has severe MH issue) I was arrested and then she was overheard plotting to report me again and was going to say I assaulted her child as she wanted mine removed from me. I have not seen her since if I wasn’t near them they can’t accuse me.

You MUST cut contact as it could also affect your dc if you are wrongly labelled violent.

Ive been in exact same position,called police on my ex they arrested him and when interviewed he said i had attacked him so the police came for me, social services wasn’t involved, block and move on because they don’t change x

He sounds dangerous, there’s absolutely no way I’d stay with him. You were released this time but what happens if he does this again and you’re cautioned or worse.

Sorry this happened to you, but try to think of it as a safeguarding issue from the police point of view. I suspect your ex has had experience of this given his actions when the police arrived, by which I mean an ex of his has called the police in similar circs and he's been locked up.

One of you was getting taken into custody and spending the night in a cell. His lies make me think he's been there before and didn't want it to be him (again). That he doesn't see it as THAT much of a big deal imply he's been there done that with past partners. Not someone you want to be around long term I would say.

I really can't see SS getting involved in an NFA. There simply isn't time. The cops on duty will be on a new shift as we write, your case already well forgotten about.

Just one final thing - you did call the police. In domestics like this they're not having a quiet word and going on their way. Someone is leaving with them in order to split the thing up. They're only interested in the easiest/best/most simple outcome for all involved (them included). It's not always the most just.

Huge apologies if I've missed a similar comment but have you been de-arrested, op? If not, this will all show up on enhanced DBS checks (maybe not basic ones) and you may have to declare it when applying to travel to the US. You might not be bothered about going there but it will impact other areas of your life.

Can you see about being de-arrested? This will stay on your record otherwise, all because of a lying bastard.

I've been through something similar with an abusive ex many years ago, and it was truly soul destroying.

He has obviously experience of this and knew what to do when the police came.

JFC if your version is true and he blind-sided you with falsely reporting himself as a victim what other conclusion could you arrive at?

He has to be utterly narcissistic and there must be other instances, red flags, something.

Definitely cut all ties and file the report as advised.

But it says

Incidents are subject to an Operation Encompass notification where a child under 18 is a victim of domestic abuse.

No child was a victim of domestic abuse in this case so surely the guidance you keep referring to is not relevant to OP’s situation?

Im in Scotland

You can't be de-arrested after you've been processed through custody and questioned, I don't think?

And is the OP in Scotland? …she hasn’t said so.

Your advice to her is therefore incorrect.

I was advising another OP, who was challenging you, that the correct information, for the OP’s situation, had already been posted up thread.

HTH’s.

The poor OP. Not least because of the number of posters who seem incapable of reading her updates.

She has ended the relationship. She has blocked him.