dh left me early this morning

[lou33]

that's it really

took his credit card, and went. Wouldn't tell me if he was coming back, refused to take his mobile, told me to tell the kids what i wanted.

really hope you manage to work things out.

thanks again

we have talked about me going to thailand, we both want me to still do it. I think it would be good, because apart from the fact i am v strong atm, and need to get myself better, to help myself and him, it will do us good to have a proper think about what we want out of our relationship.

it has been particularly shit since november; a huge fit by me in the beginning of nov, one of his close friends dying in the middle of nov, another big fit from me the night before we flew to thailand, tsunami, breast cancer, housing wrangles.... i guess it is all taking it's toll.

i don't think that his mum has replied simply because i know her too well. She is almost finished her treatment, and says herself she is feeling much better, it will be purely down to the fact that she doesn't care enough about him, and he knows that.

Moo, don't worry about anything you said, there was nothing in it i could disagree with!

He just told me another interesting fact which may explain a bit more towards his fears for me going away. He sid when he was a kid his mum used to take him on holiday every summer with the other sibs, but without her h (dh's stepfather), and without fail she would have an affair with someone while away, making no attempt to hide the fact from him, in fact he said he used to put pillows over his head to stop hearing them going at it. I guess he worries i am the same type, but 17 years together should tell him i am not.

He has had counselling in the past, as have i, and for both of us it has the opposite effect to what we want to achieve, so for now i don't think this will be an option, although i have asked him to think about it, as it could be better this time round.

The kids are delighted to have him back. Dh actually went awol yesterday afternoon, but came back in the early hours to say he was off, when the kids were in bed, and ds1 cried himself to sleep asking for his daddy, so now he is in the boys room making up scary stories at their request for bedtime.

Hopefully later we can talk, if we haven't fallen asleep as i think we both feel so drained today.

should say am NOT v strong atm...

Lou.

It really does sound promising Lou. Your poor dh - it's no wonder he has irrational fears with a mother like that

X

Lou, I wondered if something his horrible mother did was at the bottom of his insecurity about your going Good luck x

i really hope you manage to work things out. i don't know him. and i don't know you in RL. but he is lucky to have a wife that is so able to look at herself and her relationship without defensiveness.

oh honey, (((hugs))) I can't imagion what you've been thru. is there no one who could look after your little ones for a few hours for you and DH to have a few hours on your own? possibly a night away might help to talk and get everything on the table as it were.

Has DH talked to him mum about these feeling he has? maybe that would help, althou if you say she's the way she is, I suspect that will turn out for the worse.

Eitehr way hon, I'm glad he's come home, and you're managing to talk things thru. hope everyhting works out for you all, and you all find some peace.

((((((hugs))))))

Galaxy

If this situation does not resolve itself are you available to sit, whilst I drive Lou to anywhere she might need to be ??

Have an hour and a half on Friday morning and can cancel arrangements for Friday afternoon.

Lou

I presume you are covered by Waverley, are you ?
if so have you heard of Hoppas.

here and maybe of some help

I keep thinking of you and your dh Lou and wishing for the best. So glad you're talking about it now!
Good luck
xxx

it's because he tried to talk to her that she said he was not her son

thanks for the offer lgj, and the info

His mother is priceless, isn't she? Were the other children aware of all that, or were they too little?

He has done incredibly well to come out of that childhood such a nice bloke and a brilliant dad. Maybe you can counsel each other in the future, if you have time when the kids are asleep. I hope he is a bit reassured now that you couldn't be less like his bloody mother.

Hoping so much that the two of you get over this and come out the other end stronger - you deserve to after what you've been through.

lou -- have only just seen this, and can never think of the right thing to say anyway.

But (in case it helps) some friends of my parents were in Sri Lanka during the tsunami and the bloke (60ish, upper class confident, public school, stiff-upper lip type) has been really struggling since they got back, even though they were inland at the time the wave actually hit.

Hope things get better soon.

Blimey lou, you poor thing. I'm glad your dh is back, and I really hope you can make a go of it. xxx

Lou - have missed all this today, but hope that it all sorts itself out - for all of your sakes

I think its entirely understandable - you've both had an awful lot of stress and pressures over the last few months. Once you're back from Thailand maybe its time for a bit of bunkering down together and just getting back in tune again.

i don't know jan, re the other kids, he has an older foster brother by a couple of years and a younger brother by 5 years. He also has a sister, but she wouldn't have been born them i think, as she is 10 years younger than me.

Message withdrawn

Lou, glad to see he is back. Call me or CAT me if you need anything. *Essbee has my number if you no longer have it.

lou I've got my fingers crossed for you. I guess for your dh just knowing that his kids missed him and were worried about him is punishment enough for going awol in these situations

Lou - so glad to hear that h'es back and you're talking. I hope that you can get through this together.

Me too Lou. Hope you get this sorted out.
Isn't his bl*y mother a mare!!!

Hugs to you both

Lou, good luck.