Financial incompatibility in a new relationship

[SapphireSteel28]

My partner died 9 years ago, and I only felt ready to date the past 15 months. I had to focus on my children, but now they’re 17 and 23. I met someone straight away, and that lasted 5 months, but fizzled out, then I met another man who I was with until 2 weeks sgo. He is extremely wealthy but wasn’t the best at treating me well-there was gaslighting and lying but we were very physically compatible. I didn’t feel “in love” with either of these men but enjoyed spending time with them. Now I’ve met another man and we’ve been on 7 dates but haven’t slept together-yet. He says he’s “falling for me”, and I feel the same. I haven’t felt like this since my partner died. However-he is financially insecure. I own my own home and have a pension and savings -I didn’t inherit anything as my late partner had no life insurance. I’ve worked for it myself in a stressful career. We are both in our 50s. I can’t decide whether he is drawn to me as a solution for his financial problems or likes me for myself. I can’t decide whether it’s better to stop it now before it gets more intense. Can a relationship work with a financial imbalance?

I don’t think it’s about wanting a man to be the ‘breadwinner’, it’s more about not wanting to feel obligated to financially support another adult.

If OP wants to do things like travel, weekends away and visit nice places, then she either has to do it alone, or find the money to pay for him too. When there’s a big financial mismatch in a relationship, one person inevitably ends up propping up the other.

@MidnightMeltdown I totally understand that and agree that it could be an issue.
Lots of women seem happy with a financial disparity similar to the one you talk of though?
Is it different because OP the wealthier of the two and a woman?

This doesn’t sound particularly financially insecure to me? it sounds like living within his means.

Personally, this wouldn’t put me off pursuing a relationship.

In my opinion no. I wouldn’t advise a man to get into relationship with a woman in this situation either.

I would say that it does depend to some extent on your stage of life. For example, if you are younger and plan to have children, then the women might be doing more of the childcare etc, which is a different situation entirely.

However, at this stage of life, it’s extremely risky. If you marry/cohabit, then you risk losing half your assets which will be impossible to build back up.

She has already said she doesn't want to marry or cohabit.

I’ve always been introverted. It doesn’t mean I don’t have friends. I’ve had a lot of solitude. This weekend I was with him for two and a half hours, the rest of the day I spent alone or with my son. Today I visited my Mum then chose to spend the day reading despite invitations. Tomorrow I will eat my lunch in my classroom as I don’t like small talk in the classroom then visit a friend for an hour.

Given this sensible approach, as long as he can afford the cost of dates then it seems unlikely that your financial circumstances will be a problem. Given his daughter, he probably won’t be looking to cohabit either.

I haven’t said introverts don’t have friends. I’ve said that, based on the amount of social engagements you’ve had in the last fortnight, you aren’t introverted. Even what you’re describing here isn’t solitude. I suspect that a weekend of actual solitude would have you climbing the walls.

You are clearly extremely extroverted. The fact that you’re disagreeing with this (while now ignoring what everyone else is saying to you about the actual thread topic) is extremely odd, but tracks with what I was saying in my last comment.

Anyway, I’ve said my bit. Good luck.

Please don't let yourself be disheartened or disparaged on here by people who don't even know you.

No man falls in love faster than one who needs a home.

This sounds like a very similar situation. You broke off with your last beau 2 weeks ago and this one already has feelings for you? That called love bombing. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

No.
He's looking for a warm nest and home comforts.
And a nurse with a purse.

Sorry that his DD is disabled but you don't have to be the nominated charity to take care of them.
Run far away from him.