Single Mum not intersted in dating single dads any

[Killerqueen777]

As the title goes single Mum to one and just not interested in dating a man with kids. I dont want the responsibility of another at the moment. I dont even want more of my own as i had a bad birth. Most of the men i know are single parents have children with different women who they dont even see. And people try and act like you're a hypocrite for not wanting to indulge chaos, impulsivity and neglience. And yes there are the exceptions of good dads who were in long term relationships that failed but they're not common round here

Not true, I have two very good friends and a sibling who all have children, who are all women in their 40s and either married or in long term relationships with men who never wanted children of their own but happy to join a ready made family. They seem very happy, the men just for one reason or another didn’t want their own children but had no issues with joining a household with children in and being with women who already had them. Editing to add in all cases the men are a few years younger than the women. Not a huge shocking age gap but a couple of years.

You don't have to move in and live happily ever after with every guy you date. You can just date them and do fun things together without blending the family, picking out furniture and spending Christmas together.

its hypocritical if you expect him to take your kids on, whether it's your personal
preference or not!

@QueenOfAccountability Well you'd have guessed wrong I'm happy ro report! We've been together about 10 years now and married for 5 of those. He is an excellent stepfather to my sons who are now both adults.

@Mrcollinswave My now husband hadn't got any bio children of his own but was happy to become part of one with children (not babies or toddlers) already around.
I didn't want to blend families due to financial reasons and felt it not in the best interests in the two children I had.
Worked perfectly for us - we both found what we were looking for. Happily married.

It’s an absolute minefield OP I’m with you. I am a lone parent and not ready for dating yet but when I’m bored I often think about it. I can see why you would want a man without kids as bringing extra kids into a relationship could be complicated.

Single men my age (39) are likely to be the ones that aren’t good in relationships otherwise they would be in one already.

Men who have kids but only see them only every other weekend are unlikely to be good dads/partners.

Men who are good dads are unlikely to have the time for dating as they are with their kids. And then there is the added complications of potentially blending a family.

I suppose there’s a small group of men that perhaps want kids but it hasn’t happened for them, but I imagine that’s a very small group of men. And I doubt many of them would want to take on kids that aren’t their own.

So the solution for me is to work on myself and my female friendships. Otherwise I think I will have to wait until I’m a bit older and the good dads have more time to date as our kids will be older!

what? Are you suggesting that my sons are like Timothy from Sorry just because I have their best interests at heart? They would laugh like drains at that. They all left home young and are independent and not afraid to stand up to me. It doesn't mean they don't listen to my advice even if they don't always take it. I said I wouldn't choose for them to date women with kids, or to recommend it. I didn't say I make it my business to stop them from doing so. They are grown men.I can't ban them from doing anything.

just because you know a couple of men who did do that and were happy to do so doesn't make it the norm or the majority. I think if you asked most men who wish to be childless, they'd be pretty reluctant to take on someone else's child. Depends on the age of the children I guess, though.

Anyway...has anyone else noticed that yet again, a thread is started by a brand new user name who makes two posts on her own thread about a very contentious topic guaranteed to polarise opinion, then disappears while we are still talking about it two days later?

This site is populated largely by fake threads these days.

I have to admit when I started dating I knew I didn't really want to be with a man who already had kids, largely because I'm not great with kids or very maternal in general (I found it very different when it was my own). I did realise it was a bit unreasonable though and was open to trying it. I was very lucky and found someone who didn't have any due to not wanting them but who was open to being with someone who did. I think it helped that I only have one child and that she was 11 when we met so past the little kid phase. That said, now she's 14 and it is difficult in a different way which I don't think either of us had fully anticipated!... but yeah, it can be done to find a man without kids as a single mum, but it's pretty rare I think.

@MrMurphysComeuppance Not all men wish to be childless through choice of course. My husband and his ex-wife both wanted children but it didn't happen for them. Absolutely not the reason they split, but unfair to assume all childless men have never wanted (or longed for) children of their own.

Single men my age (39) are likely to be the ones that aren’t good in relationships otherwise they would be in one already

Presumably this is also true about you? Otherwise you'd be in a relationship already?

You're looking for a man who doesn't have kids, and who doesn't want kids. That's quite specific (not sure what your acceptable age range is), you've narrowed down your dating pool to maybe 10% of single men. But you do have kids of your own already, and a man who doesn't have and doesn't want kids isn't going to want to date a woman with kids is he. So you've effectively reduced your prospective dating pool to zero. You're entitled to whatever requirements you want. But if you actually want to date or have a relationship you also need to be realistic. Good luck searching for your unicorn.

I fully understand anyone not wanting to date a single dad, and I am a single dad.
Just thinking about what the woman I am seeing has to contend with, and not just me 😀

First of all she has to be content to never be my first priority, my two daughters share that spot.
There is little room for spontaneity, I need to arrange childcare.
She has to accept that what happened a couple of weekends ago will happen when I had to cancel our Saturday night date at just gone 2pm when one of my daughters felt unwell.

That all seems a lot, if you add in to the mix a woman with children of her own and it must be a whole magnitude more difficult.

@NorthernJim I found the unicorn then - we've been together 10 years and married 5! I didn't want to blend families. He's a brilliant stepdad to my now adult children.

But I never did assume that. We have been talking about men who do not want children of their own. The OP has specified a preference for men with no kids and has said she doesn't want any more, so someone hoping to have any with her is probably out of luck.

Of course there will be men who have missed the boat for their own children for whatever reason, and they might be delighted to take on someone else's, but that's not what this thread is about.

@MrMurphysComeuppance Did the OP rule out men who have "missed the boat" re bio children as it were?

I think people are being heavily optimistic if they think a man with no children will be delighted to take on someone else's children, particularly in this day and age the men will just swipe left.

It is entirely your choice.

@NowStartingOver I met my now husband online (not the swiping app, however!) He had no children; I had two.

No but she did say she thought she didn't want any more children, so a man who hadn't managed to have any yet but might be hoping for that chance with her would be barking up the wrong tree.

Of course that sort of man might be happy to take on someone else's child. But it's slim pickings if that's what she's limited to. Either someone who doesn't want his own but is happy to raise hers, or someone who hasn't managed to have his own yet in spite of wanting them, but is happy to not pursue that goal with a women who wants kids, and just be content with the one ready-made step child he could have with the OP. And that's assuming he actually likes her child and her child likes him. Which is the next hurdle.

You don't want to date a man with children.
You don't want any more children and you have an existing child yourself from a previous relationship. Yanbu to decide who you will and won't date but your dating pool is going to be extremely narrow.

@Whenisitsummer I opted for this far narrower pool of men rather than wasting my time dating men with children whom I wasn't interested in (I don't believe blending children in two families - or more - is in best interests). Worked for me. And for my two children.

@MyDucksAreHavingAPartyno as I was in a relationship a long time. I’m talking about the ones who have never held down a relationship in their life, not people who are just divorced and it didn’t work out. The commitment phobes etc.
But yeah I’m hardly a catch either, 39 year old widow with two small kids, I know that men aren’t likely to want to date me either.

@MyDucksAreHavingAPartyi meant to add as I don’t think I explained myself very well, the ones who have had successful relationships at my age will mostly have kids I would imagine. And I’d guess that most of the really lovely men are happily married at my age but maybe I’m being pessimistic.