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Original poster

Am I overreacting to my wife chatting with dads and coaches?

249 replies

thunderkiss77 · 23/09/2026 22:41

At our son's games and practices, my wife is very chatty with the other dads and coaches and it's starting to get on my nerves but I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous. She'll walk off from me to go talk to another dad or one of the coaches and I think that's sort of rude. She will occasionally send me to go ask something for her, but a lot of times, its something I don't think is worth asking in the moment and if don't budge, she'll go. Last week she left our spot in the bleachers to go chat with one of the other dads who was spectating by himself (granted we all know each other of course). She was there for about 15 mins until some other parents showed up whom she doesn't care for. I'd understand chatting in passing, but leaving your seat in the middle of the game to go visit? I don't know.

I don't think it's her flirting and she's very social and an involved mom and it's related to our son and the game mostly. I do think the optics are bad, especially while I'm sitting around while she's in the face of some other dad. Last season, she was talking to one of the assistant coaches for 45 mins on the phone (regarding the team- our son was around but not me for most of it) and it was a call I thought was unnecessary and went too long. Now, I do think she has a bit of a liking for this guy. He's married and we saw him with family at a game last week (his kid is on the same team) and she led the charge to go speak to him, and his wife interjected with a big "hi" looking right at my wife, almost as if sending her a message- at least that's what I read into it.

Another season, there was a quiet dad she seemed to happy to talk with (seemingly more than him even) who I never had an exchange with. She may have known his son prior through teaching if I recall. She was always engaging this guy and even once left me in the middle of a game to "get a better spot" but wound up right next to him, grinning and chatting away. I was fuming. He was married but the wife didn't show that often. I actually looked up his phone number in the team directory and checked our call log to make sure I didn't see any calls between the two.

Sorry for being so verbose. Do I need to tell her to chill out or am I just being jealous? If we had a girl in sports and I ran around chatting with all the moms and female coaches with and without her, I'm sure she'd have something to say.
I feel like it's borderline disrespectful and she's doing more than necessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
thunderkiss77 · 24/09/2026 22:32

Boreded · 24/09/2026 20:40

I don’t think people aren’t understanding you. I think you just don’t like the answer you’re getting.

You keep saying you came here for insight and accept you might be irrational, but you’ve spent the whole thread arguing with pretty much everyone who thinks you are. Every time people respond to one issue, it turns out that isn’t really the issue, there’s more context, or actually the problem is something else.

  1. You started with: my wife is very chatty with the other dads and coaches and it’s starting to get on my nerves. THEN said: I really don’t mind it and she’s always been that way. So that isn’t actually the problem.
  2. You said: I do think the optics are bad, especially while I’m sitting around while she’s in the face of some other dad. But you also keep saying you don’t think she’s actually doing anything with these men. So what are the bad optics? Who do you think is watching and thinking something is going on?
  3. You were fuming when she sat next to one particular dad. You then looked his number up in the team directory so you could check whether it appeared in your call logs. But you also say you didn’t think anything was going on between them. So why were you checking whether she’d been calling him?
  4. With another man, you said I do think she has a bit of a liking for this guy, told us both men are good looking guys, and thought his wife’s hello was almost as if sending her a message. But then you keep saying this isn’t really about jealousy or attraction. You’re the one who keeps bringing attraction into it.
  5. At first her behaviour was borderline disrespectful and you were asking whether you needed to tell her to chill out. THEN it was that she’s overinvolved somewhat in your son’s sport.
  6. THEN it was about her needing to ask questions there and then. You first said they’re things I don’t think is worth asking in the moment, but when people picked up on that, it became It’s often the timing of the questions more so than me deeming her questions unimportant.
  7. THEN it became What am I to her if she needs a 2nd opinion on everything I say?
  8. THEN you weren’t actually expecting her to just accept what you say, you wanted some acknowledgement when it turned out you were right.
  9. THEN you were almost erased from the decision making process.
  10. THEN it was her telling another dad her plans for your son and you thinking when did WE decide this?
  11. THEN part of the problem was apparently consideration for these poor dads who may or may not be excited to see her coming.
  12. THEN it became We’re operating under two different sets of rules because she wouldn’t tolerate the same behaviour from you.
  13. And now it’s that you’re being made to feel irrelevant and subordinate to other dads in my own household, and apparently your son’s sport is being run under the rule of her and her council of other dads and coaches.

That’s a lot of different versions of the problem.
And no, it isn’t because you’re a man on a female dominated site. I’ve already said this. If you were a woman posting that you were fuming because your husband sat next to another woman, keeping tabs on which attractive mums he spoke to, noticing whether their husbands were there, interpreting a spouse’s hello as some sort of warning, looking up a woman’s phone number specifically so you could check your call logs, and worrying about the optics of him talking to women, I’d tell you that you were being controlling too.

But you haven’t discussed any of it with her.
Instead you’ve spent the best part of a day telling strangers who she talks to, where she sits, how long she talks to them, whether they’re good looking, whether their wives are there, what you think their wives’ reactions mean, whether your wife reports the conversation back to you afterwards and now whether the dads actually want her talking to them in the first place.

And every time people respond to what YOU have told us, you explain that we’ve got the wrong end of the stick and give us another version.

You say you’re looking for insight, but you don’t seem particularly interested in any insight that ends with you being the one who’s overreacting.

Maybe stop trying to convince us and actually talk to your wife. It’s infuriating

  1. My OP wasn't fleshed out. It took another user to make me complete the though that this wasn't simply romantic jealously. The two one offs of actual jealously just fit into the larger picture of inconsideration.
  2. Maybe I'm overreacting here. Sometimes it borders on a little out of the norm from how the others carry on. I won't die on this hill.
  3. I was wrong and should've done better just being honest and point out how I felt. It was impulsive, but just odd that it was always this one guy whom I just so happened to never have met, and this wasn't a case where she needed input on the game as I've been harping on.
  4. One offs lumped in, those two. I very well think in those two scenarios that she fancied them a bit, which it is what it is, but it spilling over into even his wife noticing, or leaving me to move next to another guy in a public setting, does border on something I should have discussed with her, at least.
  5. Poorly formed thought at the outset, I'll admit. I was afraid of it turning into a bigger essay than it was.
  6. It wasn't the same in each instance.
  7. Jealously through her showing low confidence in my input. Poorly communicated at the jump.
  8. (and 9) Acknowledgement sometimes, at least. She asks for it, and it's healthy to sprinkle some in from time to time for both in relationships. If she goes along with something I suggested, it's as if she came up with it.
  9. ...
  10. More unilateral decision making that I'm just finding out about.
  11. The guy walked past the bleachers and seemed to have found a good spot to stand and view the game. I did not wish to impose because sometimes, he sits in the group, other times, he's off following the game on his own.
  12. Driving some of these thoughts is that idea that she would take issue if reversed, irrational or normal. That doesn't contradict anything.

I only brought gender into it because someone else did.

But I'm going to let it go. I'm not trying to infuriate anybody and I'm probably a little too much in my head on this one. I will talk to her politely about how I feel and get my headspace right for this evening's game. I'm falling back.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 24/09/2026 22:39

Both of us talk to other dads and/or coaches and gather their perspectives. No issues there.

What? This is your ENTIRE issue. This is what the whole thread is about.

Am I overreacting to my wife chatting with dads and coaches?

LittleGuinea · 24/09/2026 22:54

Based on these posts, if I were OP's wife, I would want to spend my time talking to literally anyone else, too...

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/09/2026 00:05

WallaceinAnderland · 24/09/2026 22:39

Both of us talk to other dads and/or coaches and gather their perspectives. No issues there.

What? This is your ENTIRE issue. This is what the whole thread is about.

Am I overreacting to my wife chatting with dads and coaches?

exactly.
also, I talk to dads and coaches to chat. It is not all about gaining their perspectives? They are people not utilities.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/09/2026 01:12

thunderkiss77 · 24/09/2026 15:46

We both socialize. I'm not sitting around grumpy with my arms folded. We typically find a good spot to set up and ideally, it's around the parents we know. It's mainly an annoyance of mine when she gets excited over something like she has ants in her pants and needs to run off to go find a dad to download to. In the case of her wanting me to call the other dad over, for example, it was as much about me wanting to be considerate of him because he looked like he went to where he was just to focus on the game. If he was looking for familiar faces to sit with, he could've easily found us.

Show quote history

"It's mainly an annoyance of mine when she gets excited over something like she has ants in her pants and needs to run off to go find a dad to download"

There is a lot of contempt for your wife in that sentence.

You started your thread by saying
"I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous."

Quite a few posters have said they do think you are overreacting, yet in most subsequent posts you argue that you are not.

Toooldtocare25 · 25/09/2026 10:25

it definitely sounds like some double standards here and I highly doubt that all the people calling you controlling would be happy if you were acting the same way constantly. However men and women should be able to talk to each other freely.
I suspect this comes down to respect and probably there is more to this between you than has been shared
the difficulty arises in what to do. Unfortunately If she’s the type to stray she will find a way.

ElizaJ74 · 25/09/2026 19:13

So you've said she has questions, you think they're irrelevant so she goes off to ask them herself
What exactly is your problem?
You sound dismissive and controlling

ErinAoife · 25/09/2026 19:15

Just jealous in my opinion. Your wife seems to be a very friendly person who loves having interaction with other people. Let her be.

August1980 · 25/09/2026 21:00

Is she flirtatious OP? Aside from this how are other things in your marriage?
if she is genuinely friendly - surely she would be the same either way mums and dads? Not just the dads? How old is your son? What does he think?

cupfinalchaos · 25/09/2026 21:11

I have a husband like that.. outgoing and friendly and will happily talk to women in front of me or not in front of me. The only one I’m jealous of is him as I wish I was that sociable! If you’re feeling insecure op are there any other issues in your relationship?

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 25/09/2026 22:06

thunderkiss77 · 24/09/2026 02:53

Maybe there's some kind of cultural difference as I am an American, but for most wives here, if their husbands said they were moving, by themselves and withour invitarion, to get a better seat and found the seat next to the mom by herself, whom his wife doesn't know outside of their kids being on a team together, she would take issue on some level. It's the same principle.

And again, I'm fine with her being a social butterfly. We've been together for a decade, I know she is and it's fine. Im just wondering if she's pushing the lines of being considerate.

Show quote history

Hey, fellow American. American women would say you are possessive and controlling, and tell her to run.

superfrog2 · 25/09/2026 23:24

thunderkiss77 · 23/09/2026 22:41

At our son's games and practices, my wife is very chatty with the other dads and coaches and it's starting to get on my nerves but I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous. She'll walk off from me to go talk to another dad or one of the coaches and I think that's sort of rude. She will occasionally send me to go ask something for her, but a lot of times, its something I don't think is worth asking in the moment and if don't budge, she'll go. Last week she left our spot in the bleachers to go chat with one of the other dads who was spectating by himself (granted we all know each other of course). She was there for about 15 mins until some other parents showed up whom she doesn't care for. I'd understand chatting in passing, but leaving your seat in the middle of the game to go visit? I don't know.

I don't think it's her flirting and she's very social and an involved mom and it's related to our son and the game mostly. I do think the optics are bad, especially while I'm sitting around while she's in the face of some other dad. Last season, she was talking to one of the assistant coaches for 45 mins on the phone (regarding the team- our son was around but not me for most of it) and it was a call I thought was unnecessary and went too long. Now, I do think she has a bit of a liking for this guy. He's married and we saw him with family at a game last week (his kid is on the same team) and she led the charge to go speak to him, and his wife interjected with a big "hi" looking right at my wife, almost as if sending her a message- at least that's what I read into it.

Another season, there was a quiet dad she seemed to happy to talk with (seemingly more than him even) who I never had an exchange with. She may have known his son prior through teaching if I recall. She was always engaging this guy and even once left me in the middle of a game to "get a better spot" but wound up right next to him, grinning and chatting away. I was fuming. He was married but the wife didn't show that often. I actually looked up his phone number in the team directory and checked our call log to make sure I didn't see any calls between the two.

Sorry for being so verbose. Do I need to tell her to chill out or am I just being jealous? If we had a girl in sports and I ran around chatting with all the moms and female coaches with and without her, I'm sure she'd have something to say.
I feel like it's borderline disrespectful and she's doing more than necessary.

Yes you are over reacting! However it shines like you have an abundance of emotional intelligence and your wife is very lucky! It may and by the way I’m not a professional upset you or get to you because it’s impacting a vulnerable aspect of you that you could seek therapy for and address x

Original poster
thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 02:46

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 25/09/2026 22:06

Hey, fellow American. American women would say you are possessive and controlling, and tell her to run.

Show quote history

One spouse being extra friendly in social settings with a certain person of the opposite sex and without mate, whom the other spouse doesn't know from a can of paint and has never met, has been the source of many silent drives home, I can guarantee you. If the situation was reversed, I'd hear about it. I've had to account for the who's and why's of my female interactions before.

Do you disagree with that?

The general assumed rule that we've found equilibrium in is we don't carry on with people the other person hasn't met without an introduction at some point or an explanation ('hey I just ran into my coworker and they were saying xyz' or "hey that's my old classmate, let me go say hi").

And she has the same powers I do in the relationship. I'm don't put any expectations on her that I wouldn't hold myself to, and best believe that she uses her veto powers.

You had to drag me back in lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 02:55

And if anyone cares, I'm fine and we're fine. He had a game yesterday and we sat with around a familiar group and everyone chatted with everyone. She even seemed to- gasp- enjoy my company despite the charges levied against me 😆

One thing I will add as noteworthy is that after the game as the parents gathered to wait on the kids, I and my son went to greet the former assistant coach and she stayed back this time, which may confirm that she read his wife's gesture the same as I did.

OP posts:
inerja · 26/09/2026 07:23

thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 02:55

And if anyone cares, I'm fine and we're fine. He had a game yesterday and we sat with around a familiar group and everyone chatted with everyone. She even seemed to- gasp- enjoy my company despite the charges levied against me 😆

One thing I will add as noteworthy is that after the game as the parents gathered to wait on the kids, I and my son went to greet the former assistant coach and she stayed back this time, which may confirm that she read his wife's gesture the same as I did.

I don’t know why you’re still bothering to post here. You asked for opinions and you just want an echo chamber.
nothing you’ve described looks healthy. It looks rule based and ridiculous and petty.
and that proves nothing about the coaches wife. I don’t even know why you put it in there. Your wife probably stayed away because you made her feel like she had to

StarlightLady · 26/09/2026 07:30

Overreacting? Yes.

TurquoiseGoldPeaches · 26/09/2026 08:02

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/09/2026 01:12

"It's mainly an annoyance of mine when she gets excited over something like she has ants in her pants and needs to run off to go find a dad to download"

There is a lot of contempt for your wife in that sentence.

You started your thread by saying
"I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous."

Quite a few posters have said they do think you are overreacting, yet in most subsequent posts you argue that you are not.

Show quote history

This.

Summerbay23 · 26/09/2026 08:05

somekindof · 23/09/2026 22:44

You have answered your own question. Yes you’re being jealous and need to chill out.

First answer nails it. If you want to talk go and talk but otherwise there isn’t any issue here.

Original poster
thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 08:36

inerja · 26/09/2026 07:23

I don’t know why you’re still bothering to post here. You asked for opinions and you just want an echo chamber.
nothing you’ve described looks healthy. It looks rule based and ridiculous and petty.
and that proves nothing about the coaches wife. I don’t even know why you put it in there. Your wife probably stayed away because you made her feel like she had to

Show quote history

I answered that question already. Why are you bothering to post? I didnt quote reply you. You've been one of the most aggressive people on this thread for no reason and seem easily triggered. Assuming she did is because of me is just your imagination because you've decided you need to be in full attack mode. I'm in good spirits her and everyone else at the games so no, she didn't.

OP posts:
FatterthanBarbie · 26/09/2026 08:42

I think this is hitting a nerve. One of you feel disrespected and I find men have a very low tolerance of that.

inerja · 26/09/2026 08:45

thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 08:36

I answered that question already. Why are you bothering to post? I didnt quote reply you. You've been one of the most aggressive people on this thread for no reason and seem easily triggered. Assuming she did is because of me is just your imagination because you've decided you need to be in full attack mode. I'm in good spirits her and everyone else at the games so no, she didn't.

Edited
Show quote history

Because you are a controlling man. And I feel very sorry for your wife. And you need to hear it.
why post publicly if you don’t want people to reply?

youve been far more aggressive than me 😊

MCF86 · 26/09/2026 08:46

My best friend is a man. I've let relationships go because they couldn't handle it. I'm saying that for context that I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with talking to men. My initial reaction was that you were being jealous over nothing.

But then I thought a bit more before replying and actually I think it is disrespectful to move away from your spouse to sit and talk to someone else for 15 minutes. Man or woman!
Go say hi by all means, but exchange pleasantries and then say "I'm heading back over to John, you're welcome to join us or pop over later so I can introduce you"
I'd feel like my OH would rather I didn't come, if they spent the whole time not including me in conversations.

OP have you tried being friendly with these other parents? Maybe she would like you included in these conversations but you aren't willing/don't find that easy. In that case I don't think you can really hold it against her.
I think you need to find out because, whether you are justified or not, this is the kind of thing that bubbles away and becomes a much bigger issue than it might need to be.

ExplodingSmittens · 26/09/2026 08:48

MN is international but it seems odd that you are male and American and using this site. Can you not ask your DFriends if they’d be ok with this or if you’re being a dick?

Original poster
thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 13:22

inerja · 26/09/2026 08:45

Because you are a controlling man. And I feel very sorry for your wife. And you need to hear it.
why post publicly if you don’t want people to reply?

youve been far more aggressive than me 😊

Show quote history

BS, and in the context of the times we live in now and the discussions being had, calling a man controlling is something I consider an attack, and I will push back against that. You said earlier that I'm not taking account my own behavior, but I'm not behaving in any way thats openly antagonistic to her, these are just thoughts I'm processing because I don't want to foolishly overreact.

She likely has no clue, and I don't say that's ultimately a good thing, but I certainly don't wish to control her, especially when she's free to question me on things and takes advantage of that freedom.

Where was I aggressive to you?

OP posts:
Original poster
thunderkiss77 · 26/09/2026 13:25

ExplodingSmittens · 26/09/2026 08:48

MN is international but it seems odd that you are male and American and using this site. Can you not ask your DFriends if they’d be ok with this or if you’re being a dick?

What is "DFriends?" This site just came up on a search. I didn't even realize it was London-based until I had registered.

OP posts:
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