Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

I don't think she is the problem.

I think a young woman in this situation is very vulnerable though, and I'd question the intentions of any man who thinks this is a desirable working arrangement.

Are you helping him financially? Does he owe you any money? I think you need to drop him!

Also came on to say unusual to travel as a web designer particularly to a country where he doesn’t speak the language! I feel for the 22 year old and hope he isn’t pressurising her for sex since he’s doing her a favour by employing her from his perspective.

But blaming AI isn't enough..don't get me wrong I hate the effect it is having on people's jobs. But as a self employed/business owner he needs to also have a plan for dealing with that. Not just sadly shrugging his shoulders and blaming AI. Either he finds ways to work around it, cut costs (stop the business trips, sack the employee) or he accepts defeat and does something more profitable.

To be honest he sounds like a bit of a fantasist or at best a dreamer. Very much taken with having the image of a successful business man (jet setting for meetings with "clients") rather than having a plan to get there. Does the employee even want to go? If I was her Id be dreading a fake business trip with my boss but no clients to meet and trying to cold call. That would be excruciating at best.

Is she likely to be interested in a man old enough to be her dad? He sounds a bit sleazy if he’s framing this an opportunity to ‘help’ her.

To be honest OP it sounds like you could split up with this man and unless you specifically mentioned it, no one would even notice, possibly even yourself.........

I’m actually starting to think this may be a joke. OP owns a house and business, has a successful career, has children and friends. Her life is full of good things - why would anyone in that position put up with this man’s nonsense? I’m cringing just reading the updates. He adds nothing to her life except stress and a constant feeling of being unimportant.
Before everyone piles on and says that I don’t understand because her emotionally abusive mother has done a number on the OP, I do understand actually as I had a similar mother. Plenty of PPs have suggested therapy, which I agree with. Or if OP can’t get past the idea of being single being a “failure” there is the option to try to find someone else. Or end it and don’t tell people. Let them find out gradually. OP admits that she mostly lives like a single person anyway.
Unless OP comes back to say that she is at least seriously THINKING about dumping this guy asap without further agonising over it, it seems we are all wasting our time unfortunately with well-meaning advice.

What sort of a new web design business takes on 22 year olds and pays for long haul trips for marketing?

Sounds beyond sketchy to me! That's not the norm for the industry, at all!

Exactly - it’s not a job that requires anyone to accompany

You didn't mention how long you been with him but this is a LTB moment

Apparently his business is not doing well but he's getting money from somewhere

I'm wondering if he is a con artist?
I can see this type of guy getting money from friends family unsuspecting women and then disappearing

He's secretive, a liar and a gaslighter. Do you really see yourself happy in the future with him?

He sounds like a massive cunt.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why!

I'm sure why. he practically lives with her and now he's spending three weeks away with her.

You sound fab. I’ve never said this before - on here or in real life - but you honestly should break it off. Your partner sounds like a complete loser and is not bringing anything to your life. Do it today and have a great weekend.

Just ditch him op - before he goes away AND tell him why.

He needs someone to tell him that working from his home with a young woman and taking her on holidays is a boundary crossed for you. He sounds oblivious to basic norms.

His business sounds like a cover for doing what he pleases.

There are worse things than being single

My youngest son works in Web design. The whole point of the Internet in this kind of job is that you can do everything from where you are based. He has never been away even overnight and would never dream of taking a 'work' trip that took him away from his wife and small children for that length of time.

Couldn't agree more! I found myself newly single (husband died) and in a way, without wanting to sound crass, it was made easier by the lack of choice; but after some time of adjustment I learned to not only get used to being single, but actually relish it. Did loads of stuff; went to various meetups, galleries, courses, you name it, and met some great people along the way. I've since remarried but look back on my single time with great fondness. The best thing was not worrying about what someone else was getting up to, and being free to do whatever I chose. Priceless.

Are you sure she's actually working for him?

My DC was invited to a Google Gemini seminar inw London recently. Very swish interactive day related to his industry. Web designer firms are fucked.

Well we’ve just had a massive argument. He was moaning about going bankrupt, saying that’s the only option etc I suggested he sack off paying staff and the work trips and he went absolutely mental told me I was being negative and unsupportive. I think I touched a nerve.

I also think this 'web design' story is dodgy- this is a dying area, he wouldn't need to travel for it unless what he does is specific to an industry in that country and why would they be interested in him in a different country, and why would he need this woman to go with him for weeks?

I suspect this is a cover story, he's travelling, he's taking her, nothing sounds genuine about this tale.

@cheeseandhamtoastie42
Why do they work side by side at his house?
My best work friend became so when I had a temp job at her company and this was how we were seated together
To be honest I feel icky for you

I think you know the answer already, OP.

Do you want to be with someone who would rather go bankrupt than stop a jolly with his young (and very vulnerable) assistant for weeks on end.

You sound great, what's going on here for you that you are believing or tolerating all this? Do you have some friends that have met him that could help you assess this situation?

He literally quit his cushy working from home six figure salary job to do this. Honestly!