Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

Ok, so why are you with a man you don't trust?

The choice isn't, be with a trustworthy man or an untrustworthy one.

It's be with a trustworthy man or be single.

Raise your standards for gods sake.

totally agree with this!
my best friend is a web designer and works alone at home, never been or needed to go abroad and has clients far and wide. She has quite a few fellow web designer friends and they often do work for each other but don’t need to be in the same area to do it!

im sorry op but this man is talking bollocks.
I would absolutely end this relationship. Big hugs x

Completely agree. I get the job markets not been great but if a 40 year old man offered me a job and the my office base was with him at his dining room table… id have been like wow I just had a near death experience as he was clearly planning to murder me!

I would hate it if my 22 year old daughter was in this position. If she did have any illusions about him being a rich older man , she will be sadly let down. Plus if he did do anything he would also be a cheat .

Why do successful financially stable women put up with these deluded " businessmen " .? Obviously other women have been there and got out . Join them .

Like some others on here, I work alongside web designers every day. I've never seen a single one of them behave in the way your OH is doing. They rarely leave their desks, never mind the country. Apart from this extremely dodgy trip, it sounds as if he doesn't respect you enough to even tell you what's going on in his life. I think most women, if their partners had to go abroad for work, would have fight and hotel details - in case of emergency if nothing else.

But beyond the crap boyfriend behaviour, I'm really worried about the young woman he has working for him. You say she's just graduated - so she's really inexperienced in professional behaviour and entirely without power and influence. And he's got her sitting side-by-side with him in his house every day (never heard of Zoom/Teams then?) and now he's taking her overseas for an extended time where she'll be alone with nobody but him - and he's no doubt got the credit card and tickets! Is she ok?

She's likely an escort.

You ask why? You dont trust him, he gaslights you, hes not honest with you, you dont know what he gets up to in his life or where he goes or when he goes, he never asks you, hes gone away with a woman in her 20's for 3 weeks, if i were you i would message him and say "i like yoy quite a lot but i love me more so im gonna call it quits and move on"

Really doesn't sound like he adds much to your life. Cut him loose, you'll enjoy the peace of mind more than the minor benefits he brings to your life.

Sorry about your shitty parents. Being single at your stage in life is a million times better than having an unsatisfactory relationship. Your mother may be (subconsciously) jealous of your freedom and success.

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 He's likely having an affair with this woman.

I speak from experience as a former escort.

Why stay with him if he gaslights you?

Your comments suggest your eyes are wide open and that you don't even like him op.
It seems you're only with him because you've been raised to believe that to be single is a failure. I would bin him and get therapy to undo the damage your mother's caused.
You sound pretty clued up and are happy with your life outside of your relationship, you really don't need his ego and small penis in it.

Tbh the 22 year old probs won’t want to shag him necessarily? Unless he’s really hot or really rich?

However it is a bit weird and feels a little creepy to me. I’d probably throw this one back based on the other stuff you’ve said.

I'm in this industry and have never in the last 25 years had call to go on a long haul trip for weeks.

Like, it's a digital business - I work with people all over the World and it's all video calls.

When i was young i worked with this woman age 25 she had been with this guy for years and she knew he was unfaithful, anyway he went on holiday with this other woman and lied about it, my friend was manic for 2 weeks whilst he was away convincing herself he wasnt lying, she even sent herself flowers pretending they were from another man....dont be her, just leave him no drama no explanation just leave

Not the point because you obviously need to bin this one off - but is she going for the ‘holiday’ part of the trip too?

You're not married, don't live together, and no shared kids?

Just walk away, you don't like him very much, you don't need a reason beyond that.

You’re about to get a masters, have a successful business, do charitable work and have childfree time?

you sound great, I want to set you up with my brother.

Come on now, @cheeseandhamtoastie42 .
What are you doing in this relationship?

Firstly you deserve better, he isn’t behaving very well and to be honest I’ve never met him and he give me the ick. (Never thought I would use that word)

As a mother of a 23 year old female, I’d be uncomfortable that he is creating a scenario where she could be in a vulnerable position.

Most 22 year olds are not looking at some older man in a relationship as an option. Usually they just trying to get on with their job and do it well. Men really do at times think a lot of themselves.

You can do better, look at all you achieved and what would you say to a friend or your own daughter in this position?

I didn't make the point but my answer to that would be:
He gaslights and lies to you and is 'not a very honest person
He is shit at business (most independent freelances lean in, work really hard and don't swan around on non-specific long trips with no defined itinerary, paying the overheads of a 22 yo assistant. My friend is a web designer - works for some U.S film companies and has never been on an overseas trip for business - the most he does is work late to accommodate U.S time for creative meetings. BUt he works really hard and misses social events and travel for deadlines. Kind of the opposite to your boyfriend)
He is full of internet guff about envisioning his success and goals "I get what I want" and probably fantasises about some sort of romantic Digital Nomad lifestyle but doesn't actually put in the work
He is a grifter - see above
He has double standards
You don't have trust in him (for good reason IMO)
Who wants a relationship with someone who swans off prioritising travel and leaves the country for long periods of time without ever suggesting you go with him for a holiday

It's very clear why his business isn't doing well, and it's not despite having 2 employees and going on regular long haul trips, but probably because of that, especially when at least half the time on "work trips" is spent being a tourist and when the industry he's trying to work in doesn't respond to cold calls and is being superseded by AI.
I agree with all the other PP, this guy is bad news all around. The young "assistant" is just icing on the reason-to-dump-him cake. Good luck @cheeseandhamtoastie42. You deserve so much better than this.

This whole thing sounds dodgy af. Is he business even real? Or is he just using it for tax deductible holidays? Or maybe it's actually cover for something criminal. Surely no business works like this; he shows up randomly at different places and tries to win them over with his "people skills". Why does he need an assistant and why does she need to work in his house?

I'm worried for her; the whole scenario sounds rife for exploitation.

The only web design he is doing is the tangled one he is weaving while being a deceitful shitehawke.

From what you say, and most of it seems far from complimentary, I’d wave him off on his jolly…..permanently! Way too many cons with this chap.

Oh and to add; I have a friend like you OP: issues with parents, mother puts up with too much, ignores red flags, always telling me that there are no decent men when she's telling me her latest bf horror story. Basically, you (and she) deserve more and it seems you have many issues from your parents that you'd be best to work through (away from your boyfriend!)

I hope this doesn't sound condescending but you really don't have to put up with this and being single is absolutely fine.

He sounds a bit dodgy for all sorts of reasons. Quite a bit of semaphore with the red flags going on.