Best friend knows something about my husband and will not tell me

[TVonyable]

My (supposedly) best friend has dirt on my husband, I’ve seen messages to confirm this, husband said at the time that revealing said dirt “would make me ill”. implored her not to tell me. This all happened at a very stressful time. Two ish years ago. I buried it, it was an awful time. Now it’s all I can think about.

wwyd?

They sound very immature OP. This is a ridiculous way for adults to behave.

First post nails it.

Surely it’s for your DH to tell you.

It’s likely that she doesn’t know all of the details anyway and so it needs to be DH that explains everything.

I’m not sure why you’re even still there. I’d have moved out the second I found out until he told me.

Marriage and friendship would be over for me.

Tbh i could forgive them not telling me at that time, if you were struggling with that much.

Now thought thats not an excuse and id ditch whichever one or both wont tell you because now this secret is becoming more of a stress than the dirt might be

You said you were in a life or death situation at the time... are you in a position to cope with any truth if you know it? You want to know, I would too, but I think you should make sure you are able to cope with any truth and have a support network ready once whatever it is comes out. Your husband is worried it will make you ill and your best friend has also decided that the truth might not be the best option for you right now. I would want to know too, but I really think that if it is this bad that your best friend will not tell you due to worrying about it making you ill then you need to think about how you will cope if your life blows up once you know and how you would move forward if it was something major.

End your friendship with this bratty woman and go NC with her. She's like a 7 year old I know something you don't. As for your DH. Well that's up to you. Do you suspect the two of them had an affair. Or your DH had an affair with some other woman.

Why is the friend getting the shit when it’s the DH who has done something?

I would walk away from both.

Honestly, I’d just go. If you can’t trust either of them, there’s no point in either relationship. Also, they don’t have your back as friends/partner. What are you getting from these relationships?

Does your friend know that you know she has dirt on your husband? If the answer is that she doesn’t know then I would just ask her. If she won’t tell you, you need to give your husband an ultimatum I think.

This

a bestie should have your back

let alone a dh

if there is something to be said then they need to say it

it sounds like sadly that she knows he even cheating and tells him this and he says don’t tell you

What exactly did the messages say?

She really isn't your best friend - & he is really not a decent man. You deserve better.

Treacherous pair. Get rid of both or you will never know a minute's peace.

How does she know what it is? Has she seen it with her own eyes, does it involve her or has someone told her? I could only tell you my best friends husbands name and where he works. Nothing else really. I'm friendly with him if I see him I but i don't have his number. I don't need it.

Why do some people feel the need to find the tiniest detail to kick someone when they're down?
Easy to do when it's a stranger on the internet isn't it...does it make you feel good?

So sorry you’ve got this awful dilemma - your ‘friend’ doesn’t sound like your friend and your husband doesn’t sound much of a good husband.
I would have to know then make my decision about what to do with these two dodgy relationships.

If you know that there is something about your husband that would "make you ill" if you knew it, do you even need to know what it actually is?

I would be thinking about leaving regardless.

Exactly!!!

It’s his news and he should be the one to tell OP.

The friend is obviously telling DH to come clean and he obviously can answer questions that the friend can’t.

I don’t understand why the thread isn’t - my DH won’t tell me what’s he’s done.

It’s going to make you ill if they don't tell you, I’d be going mad literally insane with worry! I think this is an ultimatum sort of situation now.

This thread is a classic example of framing something in the right way, especially an emotional way, will divert people from the actual information available and instead make them convinced the emotionally framed narrative is the truth and they will condemn people for that.

Depressing really.

How many times do we read threads where people are told not to tell a friend if they know their partner is a cheat etc, but here the friend is getting a beating for not telling OP

Honestly, after keeping this under wraps for 2 years, this is exactly what I would do. Sit down with them both, face to face, and tell them you want the truth…and the consequences of you not knowing the full truth when you walk away from the meeting - ie they are both history.