Best friend knows something about my husband and will not tell me

[TVonyable]

My (supposedly) best friend has dirt on my husband, I’ve seen messages to confirm this, husband said at the time that revealing said dirt “would make me ill”. implored her not to tell me. This all happened at a very stressful time. Two ish years ago. I buried it, it was an awful time. Now it’s all I can think about.

wwyd?

Tell them both that if you don’t find out what it is you’ll be ending your friendship and marriage.

Then get a solicitor appointment made, and tell them both.

If it is not that bad then they’ll tell you, if it is really bad then you’ve got a head start on taking the trash out. I hope it is the former 💐

it’s ultimatum time. They need to tell you.

How did this situation come to light?

If my best friend’s husband put me in the position of keeping some secret “dirt” on him from her I’d be telling him he has one week to tell her about it before I do.

This is not a friend.

Tbh I’m wondering if I should just walk away from them both. Divorce him, drop her.

They are horrible. Why tease you with this

I had an awful situation with family around this time, really stressful, but it’s been two years since. I don’t trust either of them to tell me the truth at this point.

They didn’t “tease me” with this. In a stressful situation I accessed DH’s phone, not snooping, I saw messages. I was in a literal life or death situation, so I mentally parked it.

Your husband has admitted there is dirt that would make you ill? Surely it doesn't matter what it is.

Has he said that to you or to friend? Is he manipulating her by convincing her it's in your best interests not to know?

I think you know the marriage is over regardless of whether they reveal the secret or not

So she said she knows something, but won't say what? And it's been going on all that time?

This would actually drive me fucking mad and I’d probably say you better tell me before I make you tell me. She’s a right cow for not just telling you, either keep your mouth shut or spill - taunting you is fucking cruel and she ain’t your friend.

This really is the only option. Sadly sounds like something has gone on between them.

Well I think it's obvious what has happened. You need the truth now if you are strong enough to take it.

Yes get rid, it’s cruel of them

Do they know that you know? It isn’t clear if you ever discussed or just read on his phone.

The threat should be enough to get the truth out of them. If it isn’t then the truth must be BAD in which case you know it’s time to drop them both

Im going to guess at. Your husband had something he needs to tell you about. Best friend had given him a ultimatum. He tells you by x date or she does. She's a good friend

Whatever it is was discussed by ops (D)H and friend two years ago. She’s not a good friend.

I hope @TVonyable it isn't that they've had a fling.
Whatever it is, drop them both.
You might find they'll come out as a couple.
It's happened to me the best.
Be prepared and I wish you strength.

I would approach them both separately. Ask them what the secret was. Since you were admittedly at "life or death" stress level, they might have separately decided to back down for now while your world was spinning. Then found it difficult to bring it up again. Because they wanted to give you time to adjust to the new normal.

It is not nice to add stress to a stressed person. Especially, a loved one. Since possibly both gave you time I would choose to give them grace. And say I'm now emotionally ready to hear this information.

There is a chance that your dh knew you knew he was keeping a secret but since you decided not to bring it up. He decided not to bring it up either and told your bf that you know. But decided to stay and didn't want it rub in your face. If he can gaslight you, he can gaslight your friend. This goes both ways.

Or a husband

OP , regain your strength. Look at your post agian as if it was someone else saying it. Let them go. And if the grass ain't greener dont let them back. Seems to be in all honesty that your DP wants you more than your so called friend. Some fucking friend that is.
Yeah I know we always blame the woman,but she should have had your back against your scummy parther knowing you were vulnerable.
I couldn't forgive this and they both need to go.

Now, you are emotionally in a better place, with less immediate things on your plate - it seems to me, natural that it’s come back into your conscious mind and you are thinking about it.

Your friend and husband must tell you what was going on, as to keep you in the dark wondering, is preventing you from being able to make an informed choice about your own life, and who you want in it.

Not snooping 🙄