Is he cheating? Urgent advice please!

[mouseymouse123]

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

sorry op

I think this poor soul needs her eyes opening

I tend to agree

Go. Away!!!

So sorry you are going through this OP.

You have done the right thing asking him to leave.

you need to contact a solicitor ASAP, and get your support crew around you. While it is a difficult thing to do you do need to let people who will support you know what you have found out. You need people looking after you this is a horrible thing to have go through, but if you tell some trusted friends or relatives who will support you and make you see it is not your fault. Best of luck OP.

@mouseymouse123 my heart goes out to you, but yes you’re right, there’s no going back from this. He’s been with prostitutes, he’s 100% cheated on you. You have a young family and he’s still been willing to do that. These men lie and lie to get out of it, but your husband is a selfish and disrespectful man.
I speak from experience as I’ve been through something similar quite recently… my husband wasn’t “that type”, he also didn’t have time to cheat. But he was. He was messaging prostitutes during work hours and visiting them quickly after work before coming home as though nothing had happened.
You know you can’t tolerate what he’s done to you and your little family, you know he’s lying. Don’t let him get away with it.
It’s horrible, but my only advice in the short term would be to tell someone in real life. Once you’ve done that it feels easier IMO to take the next step, plus you’ll have real life help. Good luck OP

One day at a time OP, one day at a time. Deep breath. You're doing brilliantly.

Men who cheat on their wives rarely do so in their own homes.

well it does happen though and it has happened

Right now, tonight, just lie face down and have a good cry. Then get up in the morning and get on with your day. Then repeat until you can face some practicalities. You don’t need to do anything at all straight away, except rally your people. You’ll need them x

You won’t believe me when I say this, but you will get through this. You are going to be on a hideous emotional rollercoaster and it’s going to be really tough, but there will be easier moments along the way. You will go through every emotion imaginable. You’ll have some very dark times. But…There will be laughter again. There will be joy again. There will be calm contentment again.

Your job is;

1. look after yourself as well as you can.
2. look after the kids as well as you can. Can they stay with a relative for a couple of nights?
3. tell someone you trust and accept any support or help available.
4. keep him at arms length for a good few days so that you can feel more clear.
5. Do not let him back in the house until you have copied any documents you might need (if you divorce you’ll need bank statements, house documents, passport, marriage cert etc etc - lots of men turn nasty when confronted by their shameful behaviour - they turn it in the victim - then play games like taking documents - get ahead of this in the next few days ).
6. get your GP to sign you off work and do an STI check.
7. take your time to make any big decisions.
8. Find your anger. You deserved better than this. Your kids deserved better. HE is the one responsible for this mess. His choices alone are responsible. He is not worthy of any empathy or kindness. Engaging with a prostitute is not a knee jerk thing - he had time to consider the implications and back off. He chose to do this. It’s selfish, weak and gross. He is gross.

We are all here rooting for you - your MN army. Come back as and when you need.

Oh dear OP. I’m so sorry. You must be feeling so many emotions at once. Just take it one day at a time.

Good luck

Darling you’re going to be fabulous.

Divorced women seem to be one of the happiest tribes around.

Get shot of this loser and get on with your fabulous life. You will be fine.

Hear hear. So true.

there are loads of random ways a fake nail could get into your house.

if he is cheating highly unlikely to be doing it in your house - men tend to cheat away from home at hotels etc especially if you have children

I’m more concerned why your mind instantly went to this conclusion - is there more going on?

Thinking of you OP. Sending strength to you x

Finding this strange to
happen in school hols tbh. Maybe he has admitted to something lesser in his head but full story maybe different

So upsetting. So sorry to hear this

I was going to say that if it were cheating it would be incredibly bold of him to do it in your home. Most men would go to a hotel or the OW house. But since you’ve now found messages to prostitutes it doesn’t seem all that unbelievable. So sorry op, what a shit. Can you think of any feasible times where he could have had people in while you were out? I suppose it doesn’t matter where it happened really, he’s a cheat regardless.

But prostitution in January is ok. Gosh. I’m out.

IMO in addition to having sex with prostitutes and potentially exposing you to an STI, he's still lying about it. No was was he only seeing them for a chat and a massage. That's BS. He's caught in his lies, and he just continues to lie.

The continued lying would do it for me. There would be no coming back from that.

I think you'll find the women here give great support. Mumsnet was fabulous for me when my husband died, and I guess losing a husband in this way is kinda similar as in its devastating and you'll grieve the loss of your marriage.

Hang in there. One day at a time. You'll be okay in the end.

It’s not ok at any time of the year?

???

We bloody are I am 57. I left my husband when I was 50. I am so fucking happily single!! absolutely love my life