Hiya @Missmos89 ,
I finally joined the Instagram world a few months ago and tbh I didn't stick with it. I only really wanted to connect with DIL to see Granddaughter pics but I discovered that anyone could add me and I had to go through and remove them one by one. It was a right pain. Some were people I knew or friends of friends, some were random. I mean Christ knows what anyone would have thought if they were trying to analyse what I'd clicked on or what I hadn't. I gave up with it!
Similarly. I was on FB earlier and I got an add for local single men about my age. Well, they all looked like models, certainly not a representation of my home town, plus one particular 'hunk' was an American fireman 🤣 def not local! No idea why it cropped up. I'd watched a few bits and bobs, mainly reels of god awful recipes but it would have been awful if I'd been accused of searching for them!
You know this, you probably also know that your husband wouldn't dare even think about searching for whatever you saw, knowing the fallout.
I know how it is. I was similar when I had PND and it's a really horrible, scary place to be because you're constantly on edge, constantly suspicious, feeling awful and ugly (or whatever) and paranoid. It's horrible isn't it? It's horrible for your husband too which is why I think he would go out of hiscway NOT to go near anything that would cause WW3.
You can get to a place where you have trust and you're not living in fear of him even looking at another woman, but you have to understand that you are not well.
I know you are starting on tablets, they won't work on their own. Did you know you can self refer yourself for talking therapy via the NHS page? I can't remember what it's called now, but I'll see if I can find it.
Give yourself a break, give your husband a break. Apologise to him. He'll be relieved that you recognise that you are ill and you want to work to get better. He'll support you. Don't push him away.
Oh, good luck. It's not nice I know.