Instagram

[Missmos89]

On Instagram if you type random letters into search such as “a” “b” can pages your friends follow come up that you have never clicked on?

I looked at my husbands and went mental as I seen three girls and he swears to me he’s never looked at their profile. Two I know for a fact his friends follow. They aren’t nude or anything, just influencer and other two are normal. I’ve got serious low self esteem and constantly seek reassurance from my husband of 10 years but he’s very depressed over my behaviour and was even crying saying it’s so sad I don’t trust him.

And you have never clicked on these profiles at all ? Obv not the undies woman

I just get worried if he’s checking them out. I don’t do that at all. Ok to be curious as to who someone is but that’s it

No.

If he was spending his time checking out women that’s what his feed would be full of. The algorithm reflects what you look at more than what accounts you actually follow.

You actually sound like you might be having quite an acute mental health crisis. I hope you’re able to get some help.

I am, you are not wrong. I feel I’m loosing my mind.

see his for you page had a lot of women influencers on it so is this correct then ?
he says he never searches people and his for you is totally random because he doesn’t use it the way I do. I’m on it all the time. He only watches reels. I do send him reels that may include influencers maybe I don’t know

As I've already said OP my FYP has lots of random things including half naked women which i have never searched for and never looked at. Instagram and Meta as a whole is insidious and it's getting worse.

Please see that this is an issue for you, maybe you need to end the relationship anyway and spend some time working on yourself. You can't keep losing your shit at your DH for something you only feel like he might have done. It's controlling and abusive

I get all kinds of random influencers and bot women popping up in my search.

Id guess he hasn’t been searching at all.

HOWEVER - even if he had looked at the profile of a friend of a friend, or an influencer - your behaviour would still be insane and abusive.

He’s right. The more you use it, the more focused the content that you see is. I’ll still occasionally get the bikini clad influencer stuff in amongst travel content. There’s a lot of that stuff on Instagram. If he doesn’t use it much then he’ll get a lot of generic influencers. I use mine regularly and post regularly (photos related to a hobby of mine, not pictures of myself) and so my feed is full of pictures associated with that same hobby, cats and travel content.

I’ve just done it and it’s bought up people I’ve never heard of before.

You seriously need help, or your husband is just going to leave you. Imagine if he was saying all this stuff to you, it would drive you mad! First thing in the morning, book yourself a GP appointment.

That's wrong about the For You part. I think you can maybe make it to be not relevant, but other than that, it's highly tailored to someone's interests, click, and watch history. Yes, it does sometimes throw in some random things, and I'm not surprised that if he's a car lover that he's getting Insta model content pushed in his direction, but if I saw that a guy's For You section was full of Insta Models, that would be a red flag for me. Even more so if he was following a bunch of random women.

I'm trying to work out if there's a deeper issue here. How is your self esteem generally? Have you felt like this in previous relationships?

I think the difference between you and some of the other women on here is that they feel like they know their partners enough, or trust him and their own judgement enough, to feel secure, even if they saw an odd Insta model or two on their partner's feed. You obviously don't, and that's a problem no matter if he's wrong or you're wrong. You may just be one of those people who are happier being single. People like that do exist, but it can be quite scary to consider if you've been with someone for a long time or you’re very emotionally invested in them.

As others have said, you really do need to get some help or your obsessive behaviour is going to drive him away. If my DH was checking what I'm looking at on social media, I'd be very pissed off. It's controlling behaviour and really unacceptable.

This is what I tried to say to him. See the issue previous was my husband was always I. His phone between Facebook, insta, YouTube football, auto trader and It got me down. He admitted he got into a bad habit and also apologised for not telling me how beautiful I am etc I naturally thofigt something on his phone was better than me. Thats why I freaked out.

he said I don’t think very highly of him and that he would never lie to me. He did look up this woman that we both know from our local area when he was in Monaco with my dad- long story short she’s an influencer management business and she was on the same boat as my hubby so he said to my dad and showed him her Instagram - my dad has told the same story. So maybe his for you changed after viewing her profile ? It wasn’t suggestive women or naked or boobs out etc it was just like glam lifestyle stuff but one of the subtitles beside for you was “ fashion “ I’ve seen his reels and there’s some Rolex stuff etc and I’ve sent him some clothing things so maybe ?

I’m very very insecure and my husband hasn’t helped this. I do feel loved he buys me expensive things but I tell him it’s not about that. I need a lot of affection. He has apologised for not complimenting me. I would dress up and he would say nothing. So yes it’s deep rooted.

I know 100% he would never physically cheat ever. Not even message a girl. He doesn’t follow any celebs or models on insta either. He says he’s not like other guys which I know is true but I can’t help how I feel atm.

also I’ve been with him 18 years and I love him very deeply

Also he told me about looking this girl up I didn’t randomly find her he’s quite open that they met her

"This is what I tried to say to him. See the issue previous was my husband was always I. " what does this mean?

"I’m very very insecure and my husband hasn’t helped this" .Have you always been insecure/jealous? I don't think you have blame your husband for this, confidence comes from within. People use different love languages, he might not be the best at giving compliments, but instead shows his love by buying you nice gifts

"I know 100% he would never physically cheat ever. Not even message a girl. He doesn’t follow any celebs or models on insta either." So what is the problem, if you genuinely believe this, why are you so upset if he has had a little nosey on someone's Instagram page? If you trust him, you wouldn't be looking for this, and from your posts, he has given you no reason not to?

This was a response to pink Gins comment about how the for you page is very specific to what we look at reels etc etc so therefore it makes me feel sad to read this as he assured me it was because he doesn’t really use the app apart from reels.

Totally ok to look at someone’s profile but not influencers I just get insecure about that. As I say I seen 1 influencer when I typed “a” he repeatedly told me he has no clue who it is. Do I believe him ?

I know but for me I need alot of love and affection. He has recognised he has been wrong and apologised and is currently trying harder

earthsights post not pink gin sorry

If you want him to get fed up and leave you're going about it the right way. So what if he sees images of women? He sees women walking down the street, on the TV?

@Missmos89 You need to get help and the first step is realising that this is something that only you can fix. He isn’t the problem.

I couldn’t live with someone telling me who I could and could not follow on Instagram. These aren’t sexual accounts, just lifestyle ones. You have to stop this or you’re not going to have a husband.

You’ve been together 18 years. It’s not normal to need constant reassurance and validation at that stage in a relationship, and it sounds like a truly miserable existence for both of you. He’s a person, not an emotional support animal.

its not about him following anyone I don’t tell him who he can and can’t follow. My issue was I thought he was looking g or checking out other women

if this is at all true, then your husband is going to leave you eventually and I wouldn’t blame him. Your insecurity over ‘influencers’ is just that. Your problem. He is allowed to look at whoever and whatever he wants to on Instagram. So what?

‘He has recognised he has been wrong and apologised and is currently trying harder’ - why? What has he done wrong - got working eyes? He’s allowed to ‘check out’ anyone.

Look, if you can’t see that freaking out about him from looking at accounts by women that are just normal lifestyle stuff is deeply abnormal, then I don’t really know what else to say.

I have all kinds of accounts run by men that show up in my feed. DP follows accounts run by women. It’s normal to view content related to your hobbies and interests by both sexes.

He has no interest in fashion or lifestyle. The women on for you were pretty influencers this is my issue. Not nice to think ur man is checking out other women

But he's going to see women everywhere op.

You won’t be getting any love or affection when he leaves you. Can’t you see your behaviour is not ok? You’re ignoring everyone on here that’s telling you are being massively controlling and risking your marriage.