Is your dh/dp your best friend

[mysparkleismissing]

I dont feel like mine is...

We can have a whole road trip without barely saying a word to each other

I got baxk from my best friends dad's funeral and his only conversation was 'were there many people there'

Im just curious as to what's 'normal'

So where better to ask than here

He absolutely is. The best part of my day is waking up with him and then him coming home to me. We talk about anything and everything. We are brutally honest and will say things like “shut up. You’re boring me now” when one of us is talking about something boring. We have never argued. He’s gorgeous. And I bloody love him.

No he is not my best friend but he does a huge amount of emotional 'heavy lifting'. He listens to my problems and talks things through with me. I bounce lots of ideas and worries off him and we work through them (I do the same for him). We have the same sense of humour and laugh u til we cry all the time. My son recently said 'why do you and dad always laugh like this [impersonates mild hyperventilating style laughter]?' We get eachother amd its all very easy, relaxed and comfortable. I respect him hugely and is one of the most knowledgeable people I know.

My best friend knows me better than anyone and, I think, sees the real me in a way I don't think anyone else does. She understands things from a female perspective but I think her 'job' as a friend would be harder if my husband didn't nurture me as well as he does.

No he's not. I do really like him a lot though. I don't have a best friend. I have several close friendships, but no "best friend". I've never understood the concept to be honest.

We've never said it like that, but we talk, share, laugh, and connect all the time and I'd say he's my person ❤So yes, we talk in the car the whole time (as long as I don't fall asleep 😂). If someone dies/funeral etc we would talk at length and unpack it all in quite a lot of detail, so I think my version of 'normal' looks very different to yours x

I was with someone 22 years and still didn’t moan about them. If someone started annoying me enough to start doing that then they aren’t for me.

No, my DH is my best family. It’s different to friendship.

DH and I have been together since 1992. I’ve never needed to “moan about him’ to my friends. Obviously we’ve had our rockier moments as a couple, but I find it utterly bizarre that anyone would think that regularly complaining about your spouse to other people was a normal aspect of married life or friendship. Do your friends not get bored?

Define best friend.

Can we go out and chat non-stop over a meal? No. Do we go out to exhibitions, galleries, shows together? No.

Will he do unglamorous stuff for me like keeping my car and other vehicle sparkling clean and roadworthy? Yes. Will he pre-plan in meticulous detail then work like a horse to make sure an event I have organised runs smoothly? Yes. Will he have my back when something deadly serious, like our 8-weeks prem daughter needing brain surgery, happens? Absolutely yes. He is my rock.

Although I admit after almost 38 years of marriage, there are still times he irritates the hell out of me. That's when you go out with the BFs you can have a good moan with.......🤣

No. He's the person I can depend on and trust most. But not the best conversationalist.

No he’s not my best friend. I have one of those and she’s utterly awesome, been around a LOT longer than him, I don’t need another.

But he is my emotional support human. He is the person who holds me together and takes the load when I can’t manage it. We’re a team. He’s my husband but not my best friend.

No he thinks talking to me is draining so he avoids it at all costs. He wouldn’t even be my 10th friend on the list.

he used to be at the beginning of the relationship when he was putting extra effort in and a bit of a front I suppose looking back. He can’t be bothered to maintain a friendship with me now. And he wonders why I don’t seem enthusiastic for loads of sex.

Yes, definitely. We chat all the time and he's my first choice companion to go anywhere.

I don't have a best friend aside from him and I keep people at a distance. There's no one that I confide in fully, including DH. I never moan about DH to anyone, I don't think it's helpful (though sometimes I keep small grumbles in my head, and I think they're best kept there).

No, he’s my husband! Completely different dynamic to a best friend even though we obviously get on well otherwise we wouldn’t be together.

He doesn’t want to sit and analyse personal issues like I do w my best mates. Same as I’m not interested in discussing the latest football signings with him!

I wouldn't have said mine is my best friend, I think it's a very different role. Like others, I feel completely at ease around him, I don't feel the need to fill a silence and also feel comfortable talking to him about stuff. The flip side of that is that he is not super interested in the things I am, and vice versa, so we go to our friends for different conversations.

There is not a single other person I have met that I can spend this much time around. Even my closest friends who I tell most things to, who I belly laugh with, get on my nerves after a few days. DH gets on my nerves too, but not in a 'God I need to get out of here way'.

I guess I just see them as two different roles. If we weren't romantically involved I'm not sure we would be very close friends. There is a depth to the relationship beyond shared interests and sense of humour, which is what most of my other friendships are based on. It's an interesting question.

No. That position was already filled when we met. I don’t need a best friend. I wanted a partner, husband, father to my children. We get on well. I enjoy spending time with him. But he is not and never will be my best friend.

Who the fuck are you meant to bitch about them with if they are your best friend???

No of course not, frendship and romantic love are very different things, I have friends,

howver what you describe isn’t about friendship, it’s a marriage in a bad state.

I don't like the concept of a "best friend".

I have several great friends who I'm equally close with, just in different ways. DH is one of those people.

Yes he is. He sees me at my lowest. And is always there for me. I don't know where I would be without him.

I have learned something new on here today, which is that even moaning or saying anything bad about your husband is a Bad Thing and not only should he be your best (and only) friend, you shouldn't even say negative things. All this repression! If you genuinely never think negative things ever, crack on. Otherwise they will be swirling around inside and it can be nice to let them out and get another's opinion. I tell my very close girlfriends about my partner's foibles because they are always on his side and tell me to shape up! They also make me laugh in different ways. I need that type of frankness and fun in my life!

As for what's different about my partner, that's a whole package of things; I don't cuddle, kiss, have intimacy, cry, laugh, be bored, live life's hardest times, see the child in him, with my best girlfriends. It's a different thing; and has a physical and, occasionally, spiritual dimension. Being a partner is so different from being a 'best friend'. I wouldn't inflict myself daily on my best friend for starters.

I agree. I knew this thread would go like this - the underlying implication that those of us who don’t consider our partners to be our best friends somehow don’t love them as much.

It reminds me of the performative “I love my kids so much” stuff you see on socials. Yeah love, we all love our kids!

This! I absolutely love my partner to bits but he’s not my best friend. It’s different.

OP, I could've written your post, all except for the 'I don't feel like mine is' part?

I often joke to my DH that words don't actually cost money you know, you can use them!

My DH is most definitely not a chatterbox, but he does tend to think exactly the same as myself about 99% of things, 99% of the time?

We agree on finances/decor/holidays/household chores/TV programmes etc so there's never any real need for many discussions about them?

Even while watching TV together, he might say something like 'Why would she do that, that doesn't make sense?' and I would've been thinking the exact same thing!

It's eerie really, and it made me dump him via email after a few weeks of dating initially, because he seemed 'too good to be true', as if he was just mirroring me? But he really wasn't, and the last 20yrs has proved that.

I know he'll tell me anything, he just isn't naturally 'chatty', and I'm fine with it.

In your case OP, is it simply that he isn't interested in talking to you specifically? Or do you think it's laziness? Or that he doesn't care?

Yes, I have two long term partners and they're my best friends too. I get on better with men than women, though I do have some female friends of 15 years plus. I can tell my partners anything, and we never run out of things to say.

He's like a best friend. He knows more about me than almost anyone, I trust him totally and feel comfortable and relaxed with him. I enjoy his company and we do lots of things together. But he's not as good at emotional support as some of my close female friends.

It doesn't make sense to me to choose a partner who isn't also basically best friend material.