Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is your dh/dp your best friend

80 replies

mysparkleismissing · 23/08/2026 14:37

I dont feel like mine is...

We can have a whole road trip without barely saying a word to each other

I got baxk from my best friends dad's funeral and his only conversation was 'were there many people there'

Im just curious as to what's 'normal'

So where better to ask than here

OP posts:
Tokek · 24/08/2026 16:29

scoopsahoooy · 24/08/2026 16:25

This is so fascinating to me as someone for who the line between friend/partner is much much more blurred... I would absolutely be friends with DH if we weren't together and I can't imagine dating/marrying someone who I didn't like in the same way as my friends - i.e. I think they're interesting, fun people whose personality and interests and conversations were compatible with my own. Other than sexual attraction I can't see a difference between the two - I'd genuinely love you to describe the difference for you and how you see the roles (if you can be bothered! I'm just intrigued).

Also agree that I'd love to know how this person conceptualises the difference in roles too - I think there's huge overlap in terms of emotional support, discussions, hobbies, a person to share cultural events with...

aliasfrog · 24/08/2026 16:32

Yes, i love him the most out of anyone in the world, that's why I married him.

Indianajet · 24/08/2026 16:34

My late husband was the one who always had my back, whatever happened I could rely on him. He was definitely my best friend.
I have other friends. family and a lovely sister, but to him I was the most important person in the world, as he was to me.

OneShyQuail · 24/08/2026 16:42

Yes.

I have very close female friends too.

But genuinely there is noone id rather talk to, spend time with, sit and do nothing with than my DP and he feels the same ❤️

Mammyloveswine · 24/08/2026 16:50

Apart from my kids my dp is my favourite person in the world! But we haven’t been together years and years, just get on really well and have interesting conversations and laugh and just enjoy spending time together! He’s just a wonderful person and I love his company -and fancy him lots too!

Mumof1andacat · 24/08/2026 17:00

Yes he is. We talk so much about everything. We have things in common but also our own interests. I've never had a female best friend. I've tried but I also end up being the 2nd or 3rd choice to them.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 24/08/2026 17:02

scoopsahoooy · 24/08/2026 16:25

This is so fascinating to me as someone for who the line between friend/partner is much much more blurred... I would absolutely be friends with DH if we weren't together and I can't imagine dating/marrying someone who I didn't like in the same way as my friends - i.e. I think they're interesting, fun people whose personality and interests and conversations were compatible with my own. Other than sexual attraction I can't see a difference between the two - I'd genuinely love you to describe the difference for you and how you see the roles (if you can be bothered! I'm just intrigued).

So, DP and I actually knew each other for a couple of years before we got together. A good friend of mine in uni worked in a shop and they'd all have nights out and I'd end up bumping into them or tagging along. DP and I really had nothing in common, but we'd always end up chatting to each other for a decent amount of time. Nothing romantic or sexual about it at that point, I just felt really comfortable in her company.

We were never friends. I never saw her outside of those nights out, never thought we should hang out for a pint one night or anything like that.

Uni finished, I went travelling for a year, came back and suddenly we fancied each other, were both single and the cheap beers in Jumpin' Jaks did their job one night.

I'm not really a people person. Fine for a day or so, but after that I've generally had enough of whoever I'm with. Even my two best friends, who I love dearly. We get on great, have a laugh, talk about all our shared interests and then go home and I think "Nope, don't need to see them again for a week". The few times we've spent a full weekend together I'm generally crawling the walls by the time we're done.

I've never ever felt like that with DP (or most of my previous girlfriends). Yes, sometimes I want a couple of hours to myself, but I've never felt like I don't want to see her for X amount of time. She feels like home, even in those drunken conversations before we ever got together. I feel comfortable with her, I feel I'm more "me" with her than at any other time. And when we first started dating, it didn't matter that we didn't really share any interests. We just never ran out of things to talk about, stuff that we'd never shared with anyone else. Things that would bore me coming out of anyone elses mouth. I learnt more than I ever wanted to know about the Kardashians by about date 5, and somehow it wasn't boring to me, because I was learning about her. 20 years later we've still not run out of things to talk about.

I think thats the difference for me, once you take out the feelings and sex stuff. My friends are the people I want to share the things I love with. My partner is the person I want to share everything with.

I'm always going to enjoy discussing the finer points of Star Trek with my friends, or bitching about the place we work, because we have that shared experience and knowledge. But DP is where I'm going to be happiest, even if she can't tell the difference between a Klingon and a Romulan.

WallaceinAnderland · 24/08/2026 17:04

Yes, he's my absolute bestie.

Confettions · 24/08/2026 17:05

He is my best friend, my rock, my shield, my biggest supporter and biggest defender 😘

TheSunBeatsDown · 24/08/2026 17:06

No, he's not my best friend. I have an amazing best friend I've had for over 40 years, and several other close female friends (one male) who are my 'ride or die' friends; they have helped me through my darkest hours, and are always there.

It's not the same relationship as being a partner.

My partner's the one I live with, speak with endlessly and prioritise our lives together; it's not the same thing for me.

I'm always relieved when men (husband, partner) have their own friends too, just one or two, as otherwise it's always about you being their best friend, and that can be a bit suffocating.

LeapyearLoser · 24/08/2026 17:07

He was for over 30 years but then lied, hid things from me and eventually left me! Foolish nearly 60 and supposedly living his best life!!

scoopsahoooy · 24/08/2026 17:26

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 24/08/2026 17:02

So, DP and I actually knew each other for a couple of years before we got together. A good friend of mine in uni worked in a shop and they'd all have nights out and I'd end up bumping into them or tagging along. DP and I really had nothing in common, but we'd always end up chatting to each other for a decent amount of time. Nothing romantic or sexual about it at that point, I just felt really comfortable in her company.

We were never friends. I never saw her outside of those nights out, never thought we should hang out for a pint one night or anything like that.

Uni finished, I went travelling for a year, came back and suddenly we fancied each other, were both single and the cheap beers in Jumpin' Jaks did their job one night.

I'm not really a people person. Fine for a day or so, but after that I've generally had enough of whoever I'm with. Even my two best friends, who I love dearly. We get on great, have a laugh, talk about all our shared interests and then go home and I think "Nope, don't need to see them again for a week". The few times we've spent a full weekend together I'm generally crawling the walls by the time we're done.

I've never ever felt like that with DP (or most of my previous girlfriends). Yes, sometimes I want a couple of hours to myself, but I've never felt like I don't want to see her for X amount of time. She feels like home, even in those drunken conversations before we ever got together. I feel comfortable with her, I feel I'm more "me" with her than at any other time. And when we first started dating, it didn't matter that we didn't really share any interests. We just never ran out of things to talk about, stuff that we'd never shared with anyone else. Things that would bore me coming out of anyone elses mouth. I learnt more than I ever wanted to know about the Kardashians by about date 5, and somehow it wasn't boring to me, because I was learning about her. 20 years later we've still not run out of things to talk about.

I think thats the difference for me, once you take out the feelings and sex stuff. My friends are the people I want to share the things I love with. My partner is the person I want to share everything with.

I'm always going to enjoy discussing the finer points of Star Trek with my friends, or bitching about the place we work, because we have that shared experience and knowledge. But DP is where I'm going to be happiest, even if she can't tell the difference between a Klingon and a Romulan.

Oh that's so lovely. And yes, understood about them being the 'everything' person - I actually don't think this is as opposite to how I experience things as it seemed :)

CookingSucks · 24/08/2026 17:33

My DH is also my best friend. We talk about anything and everything. He’s the only person in the world I feel 100% comfortable being with all the time, and it’s vice versa. I feel very lucky.

Dery · 24/08/2026 17:39

“BitOutOfPractice · Yesterday 14:40
No. I have a best friend. But I’m not looking for best friend from him. And we definitely chat A LOT and laugh regularly and I love spending time with him but he’s not my best friend. That’s a different brief I think.”

For me, it’s this. My husband is my husband; for me, that implies shared lives, shared activities, interesting discussions- lots of contented togetherness. But i also have a number of close friends who fulfill different roles in my life and who are also precious to me.

@mysparkleismissing - it sounds like you and your DH aren’t finding any joy in each other. But going through the daily grind together year and year can do
that even to a good relationship; sometimes your relationship just needs a bit of a polish to get it back on track.

NotMyRealAccount · 24/08/2026 17:48

My DH is my best friend. He's good at being a friend, and we were friends before we got together. However, I'm not his best friend. He has two friends who have been in his life for 50 years or more who have a stronger claim.

ScaredButUnavoidable · 24/08/2026 18:09

No he’s not my best friend, but that’s because he’s my husband, not my friend.

The depth/closeness of our relationship far outweighs that which I have with my friends.

The role of a friend and the role of a husband are completely different.

NormasArse · 24/08/2026 18:32

I think he’s the only person I can be totally me with.

I do have really close friends too though. I need both.

Limitedcapaxity · 24/08/2026 18:57

I have experience of this

My ex husband and I started off as friends before dating, and we would call each other our best friend. But I realised there was lots I didn’t/couldn’t actually tell him, and that he didn’t tell me, and that I did often see him more platonically than sexually, and when our relationship broke down it was the loss of the friendship he seemed to miss the most and he can’t bear to try to be friends with me anymore, so breaking up also broke up a friendship. So I won’t make anyone I’m romantically involved with my best friend ever again. I need my own friends.

In my new relationship we also became friends first, but it’s just different. It’s a different kind of friendship it’s unique. We love spending time together, it’s so easy, we talk shit and laugh all the time, we have really deep and vulnerable conversations and (currently, as he’s new so who knows if this will remain) he’s one of my favourite people to spend time with, I always get excited to see him and I very much fancy him, we touch all the time and I love his company. But he has his friends and I have mine for different reasons, and I’m going to keep it that way and not make him my whole world

HumptyDump · 24/08/2026 18:58

That’s not normal. You can do better than him.

MorrisZapp · 24/08/2026 19:02

Nah. We're more like workmates really.

Mirrorlolo · 24/08/2026 22:54

Yes I love his company more than anyone else's. He's such fun, so supportive and I can trust him with anything . We laugh a lot and also give one another lots of space

TheChosenTwo · 24/08/2026 23:00

Dear god no.
I love him dearly and vice versa, we work well as a team together, still love spending time with just each other but no, he’s not my best friend. I have a best friend (or several) that fulfill that role,

yamsam · 24/08/2026 23:29

Mine definitely is my best friend. We tell each other pretty much everything and do most things together.
We obviously have our own friends and our own hobbies that the other one doesn’t necessarily get involved in, so we’re not joined at the hip, but we probably spend more time together and choose to do more with each other than we do with anyone else.

ohlookimoneofthose · Yesterday 18:04

We both have wonderful friends, but we are absolutely each others' best friend and twin flame. Been together 20 years, and I can trust him with anything. He is the 'family rock' that glues us all together, that keeps the kids and myself laughing (even sometimes without meaning to, as he is a loveable wally. My loveable wally)

restingbitchface30 · Yesterday 18:50

He is in a lot of ways. I’m the most comfortable to be myself around him. We can still have a laugh and share similar interests in some ways. We can sit in comfortable silence. Yesterday we drove back from London to Manchester without saying a word to each other. However no one gets my humour in the way my best friends do. We can laugh for hours and have really similar personalities. However if I spent as much time with my best friends as I do my fiancée I’m sure we would sit in silence a lot too.