Has anyone agreed to a partner's fantasy of sex with another man?

[Ladyb50]

Has anyone on here had their husband/bf ask them to have sex with another man as it's their fantasy? My partner is desperate to watch me with another man and asks if we can go to a sex club, go dogging or join a swingers site. Have you gone through with it? Did it ruin your relationship? And did you just do it for your partner? I'm thinking if i did this it could ruin our relationship and also what would he be asking me ti do next!

Hmm, before you'd know it he'd want to join in or have his turn with another woman. Or he'd bw leaving you, for another woman/man of course, because you cheated.

My ex tried to make me do it (I was like 16 so it was extra weird). I said no. I am now good pals with his other ex who did it and she was actually quite disturbed by the whole ordeal and described it as feeling like she had been pumped out. I am very glad I didn’t do it or get pressured tbh, at 16 I was a bit more of a people pleaser but it just instinctively felt fucking gross.

Also, it 100% came from (in my ex’s case) extreme and excessive porn use. Not saying that’s the case for you but…

Completely agree.

Well women (and men) that have severely beaten their DC also shouted at them to begin with. So should we infer that someone that shouts at their DC will go on to beat them...because that was how it started in the extreme cases?

Ridiculous to compare OP's DH to someone that drugged and raped their wife for a sustained period.

If he’s run out of stuff he wants to imagine doing with you alone he’s an idiot with a small brain.

Is it one step towards getting “permission” for him to shag another woman? Or man?

In any case, I’d get rid of him.

Consensual conscious sex reminds you of non-consensual sex while unconscious. Why?

Ignore the prudes - this is a totally normal fantasy but if it isn't for you then don't do it. If however, you spot someone you want to have sex with then crack on(!)

Please listen to the Swingers podcast on BBC Sounds.
Whoops, looks like most of you have already suggested this.

or want something more extreme eg 2 x men, choking etc. Just say NO and get rid because these ideas are never going to go away.

Boyfriends have asked this of me a few times over the decades. It was always the ones who went on to cheat, treat me like crap, or who were seeing someone else at the same time as me (unknown to me of course).

Let me tell you he has zero respect for you.

It isn't "prudish" as someone says above, to not want this. I've had threesomes, dated women and men together, all sorts of things, but having sex with someone while a boyfriend watched (and I did do it once when I was 25) was the only thing which really made me feel used and like crap.

Ooh, stalky! Thats fun!

If you must know, the start of DP and I's relationship was somewhat messy. The first night I kissed her, I was still in a crumbling long distance relationship with someone else that I then ended the next day.

DP and I then messed around for a few months, non exclusively, before I got my act together and asked her to be exclusive. She was seeing a couple of other people as well during that time. In the middle of this DP got pregnant (despite both condoms and the pill), something we didn't find out about until DP actually went into labour.

So yes, I can be a bit fuzzy about the dates of stuff around that time. There's my version of the truth, DPs version of the truth, the version we told DD, the version we told our parents. And yes, I fudge the numbers on here sometimes because it can lead to questions that aren't really relevant to the thread, and end up derailing it.

To be absolutely clear for you, the conversation about swinging happened as part of me asking her to be exclusive. I honestly can't remember exactly at what point it happened now, 2, 3, 4 months in. I do know that she was almost certainly pregnant by that point.

Basically I told her I was falling for her, and that I wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with her. As a part of that conversation I told her that if she wanted to continue sleeping with other people, that was fine, I found it kind of hot, but that going forward it would have to be something we did together, like swinging. If that wasn't OK with her, then that was fine with me but I was out.

She took a day to think about it, decided she wanted to be with me, and that if she was going to be in a proper relationship then she wanted to be sexually monogamous as well. So that was that, and as I said I've never brought it up again.

People have been doing this kind of thing for hundreds of years, long before porn was readily available. It's really not helpful to say 'Because porn' every time someone wants something moderately out of the ordinary. People have had sexual fantasies like this since the dawn of time.

OP, absolutely do not do anything you're not entirely into. If you're in the slightest bit uncertain or reluctant, don't do it. If you're only doing it because he's into it, don't do it. It's his fantasy, not yours. He should certainly not be putting pressure on you in any way to fulfil it if it's not your thing.

No, the motivation is completely the opposite.

The thing about wanting to watch a partner willingly have sex with someone else hinges around watching them have a great time and being an active participant, being overtly very sexual and wild and uninhibited and liking being watched. Sometimes the whole point is that they have a better time with the other man, in fact.

The thing Gisele Pelicot's husband did is a very specific sadistic fetish where the entire point is the woman's lack of consent and having complete control. The whole point of it is that the woman doesn't know what's happening to her. It's entirely about lack of consent and powerlessness.

These sorts of conversations are troubling.
We acquire many ideas about relationships, sex, life etc through our shared culture. So when people say, it's "your preference", or "your choice", it's really not that simple. Look at our culture, look at the origins of ideas and be aware that ideas filter through culture and become acceptable or not depending on your culture. Very sadly I think we are immersed in a culture where sexuality and relationships with our loved ones are infused with the idea of objectification. Pornography is a dominant industry, it instrumentalises our relationships in a very insidious manner.

Yes people have had sexual fantasies forever.

And yes "people" have also treated women as sex objects and got off on degradation in their fantasies and in real life for hundreds, possibly thousands of years, because these types of fantasies and fetishes are a side effect of misogyny and generally society fuckedupitude around sex and around women's sexuality, amd many societies are misogynist and fucked up about women's sexuality.

What has changed is that "people" are doing it much more now with the advent of porn that normalises it.

I think you are very naive. Plenty of men also get off on seeing their "partner" degraded.

Eh??! So a guy getting off with another woman (or man?) 'while you are participating' is fine but him just watching you with another partner isn't okay? Then it's too far?! What??

Okay. Your experience isn't everyone's though so don't assume everyone with this specific fantasy cheats. People could say that about you! That being willing to have multiple partners at the same time means you're willing to cheat. Sex and relationships aren't the same thing. You can have sexual fantasies and also be a good, moral person.

You already know this so your comment is weird and judgemental.

I was just about to say the same thing! A real eye opener.

Again how far fetched

Sick perverts are everywhere, I’m afraid!