Has anyone agreed to a partner's fantasy of sex with another man?

[Ladyb50]

Has anyone on here had their husband/bf ask them to have sex with another man as it's their fantasy? My partner is desperate to watch me with another man and asks if we can go to a sex club, go dogging or join a swingers site. Have you gone through with it? Did it ruin your relationship? And did you just do it for your partner? I'm thinking if i did this it could ruin our relationship and also what would he be asking me ti do next!

Listen to the podcast 'Swingers' on BBC Sounds. A horrific tale of the reality of swinging.

Do not do it!

I think if he's that keen to see you with another man , his next step would be him joining in or him with another woman or man while you watch .
You don't want to do it but he does, so either he is going to be unsatisfied or you're going to be coerced. Either way will not lead to a happy existence for either of you.
I would ditch him if he continues to press the matter. Men with ideas like this rarely accept no for an answer.

As with anything to do with sex, you need to decide what you do and don’t want to explore.

if you are happy to talk about it during sex as a fantasy but he’s bringing it into everyday conversation, then you do need to make it clear where you stand.

it does provoke strong feelings, as you can see, but as with all things to do with sex the important thing is what he does/how he acts when you say no.

It doesn’t necessarily make him gay, a rapist, a cuck or any of the extremes above.

That would be the end of the relationship for me

My ex husband used to go on about this often. I said no but he would keep on. I then found he’d joined a swingers site behind my back. That was the beginning of the end and I started to look at him differently. For that and other reasons the marriage broke down some years ago now. Best off out of it!

I think the first point (and only point really) is that nobody should do anything sexual they don’t want to do. If you know this is something you aren’t in to, it ends there and he needs to respect that. If he can’t then I’d be thinking long and hard about if this is someone I want to spend my life with.

It isn’t an uncommon fantasy for men. There’s two “versions” of this; cuckolding (where the man enjoys being humiliated by his wife getting pleasure from someone better or bigger than him. Cucks enjoy watching this happen or hearing about it after the fact, it’s driven by their own need for humiliation, it’s a fairly common masochist fantasy) and then there is “hotwifing” (these men don’t enjoy a humiliation aspect - they enjoy having a sexual wife who enjoys sex. The relationship is essentially opened up to allow to have sex with other men on HER terms. She may go on dates, or have a regular man she sees outside of the relationship). This fantasy is more about the enjoyment he gets from seeing his wife enjoy sex.

I’d try to find out which one he is tbh - it can successfully be incorporated into bedroom talk (as other posters have said). But the long and the short of it is that both of the above need your consent and actually centre your enjoyment of another man, if you aren’t enjoying it it becomes something very different

Nope. Never come up. Thank God.

Since last night this poster seems to have been going through old threads and reviving them and posting similar long responses of absolute weird stuff that makes no sense..
Very annoying.

Crikey. That took a turn. Is he an Alpha, do I have to pay for the next instalment?

Off to look up compersive/compersee.

OP It doesn’t sound like something you want to do and he should understand that. Have a sensible conversation with him explaining the intimate side of your life is for him and him alone, suggests he dials back on the porn for a bit to reset to a different attitude, because it’s making you uncomfortable.

I don’t get how the sexual side of you (not just intercourse - everything from exchanging a look and handholding and up!) can be shared, surely that’s what separates us from just being housemates? Reading some of the other pp’s points of view have been enlightening and fair enough for them, but not for me - and not for you OP, if you don’t want it to be.

There is a whole BBC Radio series exploring this topic. I recommend you give it listen, perhaps together with your husband. It will do more to help you decide than any feedback here could.

I was going to say the same thing.

I know very dramatic creative writing. Quite the turn.

There has been at least one Esther Perel episode on this theme. You should listen to see how it went.

🧟‍♀️ Zombie thread 🧟‍♂️

Erm….its only may be a month old lol stretching the definition of a zombie thread!

The thread was dormant and some weird (possibly AI) nonsense resurrected it. I may be wrong but I don't think OP is still looking at it

My neighbour did it for her husband. There marriage ended be claimed she was a slut and that she cheated. He honestly begged for her to do it for years.

Gisele’s husband persistently pressured her to have sex with other men for him while he was secretly drugging and inviting other men to rape her.

OP don’t do it . Tell him no. His fantasy is to degrade you.

look out for hidden cameras in your home, these type of men get a thrill from violating their wives as their objects.

What others have said. If you’re into it, it’s possible for it to be fun and consensual. But it doesn’t sound like it’s your thing. Tbh if my partner asked I’d jump at the chance so I understand the fantasy (but it’s not his fantasy so i never would)

There is a massive gulf between a fantasy of something that is fun and consensual for both partners and rape. Conflating them is like saying smoking fags and smoking crack is the same because they are both things you smoke… like, not really the same at all.

If the OP doesn’t want to and the husband still pressures her that’s another matter entirely.

😂sunk cost phallacy.

I agree a lot of what is now labelled "kink" under any other circumstances i.e. not connected to sex, would be considered psychologically very strange. Porn has a lot to answer for imo.

I don’t quite see how fantasising about a heterosexual sex act would make a man gay… Or are you suggesting that the men who consume pornography with male and female performers are actually gay?

anyhow, if OP wants to try this sex act because she herself is interested? Sure. But this really isn’t the kind of thing she should do as a favour whilst you grin and grit your teeth..

I disagree. There are probably very similar motivations from the men in these situations.