Has anyone agreed to a partner's fantasy of sex with another man?

[Ladyb50]

Has anyone on here had their husband/bf ask them to have sex with another man as it's their fantasy? My partner is desperate to watch me with another man and asks if we can go to a sex club, go dogging or join a swingers site. Have you gone through with it? Did it ruin your relationship? And did you just do it for your partner? I'm thinking if i did this it could ruin our relationship and also what would he be asking me ti do next!

I know I'm not the most, whatever, but can anybody give me any insight into why they would want to see their partner having sex with someone else. Particularly after they have said they don't want to.
I'm lost here, tbh.

If i had a husband who constantly told me he wanted to do this the marriage would be over.

It's nothing like that

My ex tried to pressure me to do this and I said no. I actually know his other ex who did do it and she said it was gross and she felt like she had been pimped out. I’m very very glad I didn’t do it.

God no. The only time I've ever agreed to it is quite literally during the "deed". I'd never pursue it otherwise and thankfully DH never brings it up outside of sexy time.

Speaking from personal experience I did it as my husband said he’d leave and then the gaslighting etc went on for another two years to get me to do it again and again. I finally had the strength to leave last week and it is very much abuse if one party doesn’t want to do it.

the marriage became so toxic and I questioned that what I was thinking wasn’t correct as he would say it was obvious I enjoyed it which in my own mind I completely switched off and I can 100% day each time was a further chip away at my self. Please don’t do it if you are in anyway unsure OP. It’s not worth what you are left feeling about yourself and I know that I will be needing a great deal of mental help she will never view a relationship or sex as an enjoyable part of it ever again

My ex always had this fantasy during sex. He would tell me exactly what i will be doing and who with and how big they were and all sorts of other things that didn't turn me on. I did tell him it didn't turn me on at all but he just kept going on about it. It made me feel worthless to him in the end as I just felt like an object to fulfil his fantasy. I didn’t want to even fantasise about it but every time we had sex he would just carry on with this idea.
It eventually made me go off of him as I couldn't be in the moment with him while he was telling me what he would love to see me doing with other men. Complete turn off and ruined our relationship.

What makes you think that?

absolutely nothing wrong with it if your are both on the same page and it’s something you want to do it’s as simple as that if not it’s a no

Is he watching a lot of pornography? Sometimes consuming lots of porn can change your sexual pallette. Combined with any sexual trauma or insecurities it can become a preoccupation. If it doesn't meet the fantasy and reality rarely does then it will be on to the next thing more extreme. I'd suggest investigating where this really stems from.

If its not your fantasy or nowhere near something you'd be interested in then no thanks is really all that's needed. There should be no pressure from his side at all.

I agree with this!

Christ, no.

It’s not your fantasy, it’s his.

It’s deeply weird for a man to want to watch the woman he loves have sex with another man. Most men would hate it. So, if you want to, ask him why he’s obsessing about this. Ask him what happens if you like sex with this guy more than you like sex with him… Ask how he thinks your relationship would be better for this.

How do you feel about it? This is the most important thing here.

If your p is obsessing about you having sex with another man and keeps going on about it, how does that make you feel? What’s your sex life like? What’s your relationship like in general?

What's a 'cuck' thing? Or is that a typo?

You are married to him because of your own free will .
He does not own you or get to tell you what you do with your own body . It is not his to give away .

If you wanted to do this , you would not be on here asking that question . To put it into context he wants someone to rape you.

+1 for listening to BBC Swingers.
He needs to spend less time on the internet.

Add my 2p and say, if you've never thought of it, it's not your fantasy, it's his and his alone. If you don't want to, I suggest saying it's a red line, it's never going to happen, don't bring it up again.
If you're tempted, have a think on where your hard stops are.

Swinging or cuckolding is only fun if both partners consent and commit to the fantasy. It is absolutely not something you should be doing just to please your partner. Also, before getting into any such arrangements, it is important to discuss the impact of it on your relationship and potential consequences. For eg., what are the boundaries and rules? So many things need to be thought of. Neither of you can simply jump into it without thought. At this point, your husband is being petulant. It's one thing to share a fantasy and perhaps role play with each other but he cannot insist you do it. If he keeps insisting, then it might be time to end the relationship.

My response would be " that's fine enjoy thinking about it from here til kingdom come. Its a no from me."

I wouldnt be here for any of this.
People will label it a kink i think he has psychological issues.
Whether its control and dominance of you or degradation of himself. Both suck.
The former is imo a form of controlling and abusing you. The latter (to my mind) means he doesnt respect you as a real person and is happy to subjugate someone he claims to love and use you as an instrument to get his emd away.

If he isnt accepting no.its a red flag.

Also honestly even if you do it...do you really think once will be enough or do you think he'll be pressuring you into let any fat sweaty pervert roughly man handle you....

Will that be enough? Will he want them to pay him? So you are extra humiliated?

Honestly the depravity of men no longer surprises me.

I get sunk cost phallacy (see what I did there) is at play but id be looking to exit the relationship.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly5vvw77pzo?app-referrer=deep-link

You don’t want to do it so just say no. You’re a person, not a prop in your husband’s sexual fantasy.

I would end the relationship if he didn’t accept this.

If you have no interest in this then shut it down Op, he can use his imagination but he needs to accept your No to doing it in real life. Why is his sexual fantasy more important than your comfort and safety?

Yikes, no! https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0nqywd0
Be careful OP this is now recognised as a way men abuse their partners.

I will never get my head around this. If you love someone and are in a committed relationship, why on earth would you want your other half to have sex with someone else, let alone watch.

Even talking about it in the bedroom.....no thanks.....its just grim to me!

Sex is an extension of an emotional connection to me, ive never done ONS, my few relationships have always been long term.....so glad this isnt a fantasy of my DPs because I would be out of there like a shot.....he cherishs and adores me.....and I him.....how can you have those feelings and want them to have sex with someone else

Can just about be arsed to shag DH once a week/10 days let alone having to think about doing it with doing it with someone else! X

I mean I would fulfill his fantasy in a roundabout way...I would leave him and find a man that was respectful and treated me like a person and not a sex object. Ta da fantasy fulfilled and he can spend his time alone fantasising all he wants about you with another man because you will be.

Not everybody views sex in the same way as you. I certainly don't need any emotional connection. It's nice to have, but not essential.

It doesn't mean I love my DH any less.

What's your fantasy op? What do you want?