Has anyone agreed to a partner's fantasy of sex with another man?

[Ladyb50]

Has anyone on here had their husband/bf ask them to have sex with another man as it's their fantasy? My partner is desperate to watch me with another man and asks if we can go to a sex club, go dogging or join a swingers site. Have you gone through with it? Did it ruin your relationship? And did you just do it for your partner? I'm thinking if i did this it could ruin our relationship and also what would he be asking me ti do next!

Don’t do it. That’s his fantasy, not yours. Sounds like you don’t want to do it so just say no. Don’t let him coerce you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with.

Has he explained why he wants to see you with another man ?

DH and I swing, but we are both into it and it's fun. I wouldn't agree to do it for someone else. Only consider it if you think you could be into it too.

Listen to the radio 4 podcast swingers.

He just says he can't stop thinking of me with another man

You are not an object for him to use to live out his fantasy.

You don't want to do it. For crying out loud, DO NOT DO IT.

This reminds me of Gisèle Pelicot, just grim, he's a wrongun.

It has to be both your fantasies. We role play a lot about it. I definitely could in theory so could he we are both very sexual type people.

However there is one I known factor in it for both people. Jealousy and this would stop us doing it.

If it isn’t something that excites or turns you on it’s coercion so don’t ever give in. That’s abuse.

A bit of a reach.

I’m not sure what decent man would want another man to touch his partner.
Fine if you’re into that but if you’re not, no way!

What a weirdo. I'd get rid if you're not gagging to do it yourself, which you're obviously not. Him being fixated on wanting to see another man have sex with you is very revealing, and says a lot about how he sees you (none of it positive).

Very strange and wrong comparison

Given OP’s husband is pestering her, saying he’s desperate to watch her be shagged by another man despite her clearly not being into it, there is at least a passing similarity, and it could be driven by similar underlying motivations (a sense of ownership over OP’s body, wanting to see someone else use what’s his, wanting to reduce her to a sexual object, or to degrade her). It might not be of course, but then why hasn’t he dropped the subject when it’s obvious she’s not that keen?

This

No idea 🤷🏻‍♀️ but Gisele husband drugged her and raped her and allowed other men to do the same. The OP’s partner hasn’t done that I assume. I agree that if the OP doesn’t wish to go along with his fantasy then he should drop it but comparing him to a man that raped and drugged his wife for over ten years is a stretch

Imo this is just a stop on the way to gay town

Tell him to really work out what he wants

Unless it's also your fantasy, no.

Only ever do sexual things that you actively want to do.

I know someone who did this to please her DH. Ended with her having a full mental breakdown of which she has not recovered. I don’t wish to put the details on the internet as it’s not my story to tell, but please don’t do it just for your DH’s sake.

No, he's not the same, but I do think there's a passing similarity, and possibly similar motivations. This could be the beginnings of that kind of abhorrent behaviour, with him pushing boundaries and seeing his wife as an object he should be able to share with other men. It's definitely a huge red flag.

I had a friend whose husband had a cuck thing. They went there. Ultimately the marriage broke down. Its not for everyone. Sometimes fantasies are better left.

Ask him if he'll shag another man first.

And try typing with both hands.

It’s something I talk about as dirty talk during sex with dp but we have talked about it a lot and we are pretty sure we don’t want to go anywhere near it in real life as a couple. Im a lot more interested in a real life version than dp is, and im not interested. I’m sure we will go on talking about it.

Tbh just decide what YOU want. Does having him talk about this as a fantasy excite you? Or do you enjoy seeing him get turned on by it? Then do that and have great sex with him because you’re both turned on. Or does it scare and upset you (or bore you, turn you off)? Then tell him it’s not going to happen, his thoughts are his own but it’s not a fantasy you enjoy.

tbh my experience is that men seem much more focused on the idea of actually carrying out fantasies in real life, despite all the obvious downsides. What’s wrong with just having exciting ideas in your head? Most of us do.

Do YOU want to do that? If not, then it's a no-go. Don't be persuaded into something you don't want to do against your better judgement just because Mr Randy-Pants wants it.

Him asking would be a sign for me that the relationship is already ruined.

He’s not the right partner for you if he won’t accept a clear ‘no’. He’s showing you that he doesn’t respect your boundaries by continuing to pester you.