Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

[TreadlngWater]

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know

My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us

Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn

She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time

I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding?

I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either

Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done

The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there

I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work

If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go?

Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

I thought these were much older children.

given their young ages I hardly think the newly turned three year old will care less about Being at a wedding, in fact, would probably rather not be there. It's immensely, boring for a young child to be at a wedding. Id probably Extend that to the four year old as well. Can the six year old go and be watched by the father's grandparents. You keep the baby and the younger children.

Read the thread properly, the ex (ie OP) IS invited, it's the babe in arms that's the 'problem'

Agree with other posters, this is up to your ex to solve given it’s his wedding day arrangements. Offer the three solutions;

You bring baby
or
Ex delegates care of his children with you to a relative the children know on the day
or
None of you go

I would never have expected SS mum to tie herself in knots to please us on our wedding day! She did offer to pick him up at the end of the evening, but I didn’t even feel it was fair for them to have to turn out late (even though we were just down the road) and my friends (with kids a similar age who he had been around before), his grandparents and my SIL (qualified child care professional with twins the same age) all were happy to provide their support on our day.

Exactly. I'd pass on the whole thing tbh including dc too and just take them to McDonalds as a treat.

Never underestimate how Bridezilla some women can be.

It’s his wedding so can see his point about just work something out. Do you want/need to go? Could the kids you share not just go and be picked up? When it’s your wedding be up to him to then take one for the team with the kids… 3 years to be separated isn’t that long.

Yes your ex can very non-dramatically sort someone out to look after the kids then.

Or the father of the baby could watch his child for a few hours?

Why should Op even do that?

Unless she really wants to see her ex get married?

If he wants his kids there then surely he sorts it out?

Your ex is as weak as piss. It's not your problem, it most definitely is his.

But there's no need for Op to go.

I disagree. OP has been invited. That doesn't indicate deviousness from the bride.

Why should OP do all of this??

their father is getting married. If he wants his children there, he needs to sort the arrangements to make it happen!

I have never heard of inviting your ex to your wedding to look after your children! My ex SIL got married to her new husband, they both have children, their children were part of the day, mainly supervised by their grandparents during meal and at reception and stayed with the grandparents overnight.
no ex partners were required to attend!

This manchild has divorced OP, yet is still expecting OP to do this wifework of looking after his kids for him whilst he does something more interesting.

Worse, he expects her to sideline her own newborn baby to do this.

What an entitled tool. If I was his STBDW, I'd see his treatment of OP as a red flag warning me of what I could expect both in and after the marriage.

She’s invited the OP because the ex wants his kids there but nobody wants to have to look after them.

Bloody hell the youngest is two! And his / her father is getting remarried in a few weeks and the mother is 35 weeks pregnant with someone else. Fuck me, there’s no hanging around is there?

And you all get on and you’re invited to the wedding!!!

Bloody ‘ell. It’s a different world.

Agree with you op.

"Ok, sadly that means I won't be able to come, so Ex/ your Groom will need to mind our three children throughout."

Ex-H's remarriage is not the baby's father's problem. Why should OP make this his problem when it isn't even hers?

If he can get the breastfeeding-for-men extension kit fitted in time.

Newborns are notoriously 'on demand' at unpredictable intervals.

But maybe the OP could drug the baby for the day?

Exactly which is why her exh’s parents, the kids grandparents, should obviously be taking them.

Actually, if I was the soon to be a new wife of the man, I would be running away and leaving them to it.

Imagine at your wedding, having to tolerate your husband to bees ex wife who he only separated from three years ago.And he left a woman while pregnant and tolerating a three year old, a four year old, a six year old and a new born baby by another man at her own wedding.

Fuck that shit for a game of soldiers. I would leave him to it and call it off. She's tolerating an awful lot.

Why can't you can't the op just stop hovering around her ex and get on with her new life instead of trying to force her new baby by someone else into her exes wedding. Just tell him none of the children are coming and have done with it.But stop forcing your baby on them. Where is the new baby's father?And all of this, because that hasn't been explained. Surely he can take his child for a few hours or is a dead beat as well.

There is there is no explaining to a child who isn't even three yet.They won't give a toss about the wedding.They won't even register, they can barely string a sentence together. All of this hand wringing over children so young missing the wedding is largely misplaced.

Why are you making this your problem op
This is his problem
Rediculous you should be going to look after them .
He either gets one of HIS family to mind them or he pays someone for childcare
Nothing to do with you ..at all...

I'm not sure minding his own baby falls into "problem" territory does it?

I never met a newborn that would peacefully wait a few hours between breast feeds. Maybe they do exist, but as a retired midwife, I imagine it is quite rare. I also think it is unreasonable to expect a fairly newly delivered mother to manage new baby, 2,3 and 6 year old at a wedding venue on her own. It would be extremely stressful.

sorry, 3,4 and 6