Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

[TreadlngWater]

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know

My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us

Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn

She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time

I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding?

I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either

Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done

The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there

I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work

If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go?

Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

Yep and no doubt the ex and his new wife will chuck another newborn in to the mix after they’ve wed so then they’ll 5 kids between them all two years apart.

She knows exactly what she's doing. She knows you can't leave your newborn

Exactly. So stop making it your problem. Send a message

‘Hi ex and bride to be. Unfortunately I am unable to attend the wedding due to the logistics of having a new born and needing to be close for feeding. Just wanted to let you know now so you have time to make alternative arrangements for the children as I know it is very important for both ex and the children for them to attend. Sorry I’m unable to come to facilitate, but realistically it just won’t be possible’

You’ve gotta see it from their point of view , Nobody wants a screaming newborn at their wedding.

They don't want your DC there, this is their way out of having them there without saying so. I got married after I had DC. My family looked after them. I've been to a friends wedding where the same happened with her child.

The Dad needs to make arrangements for his children to attend his wedding. OP's newborn isn't their problem, and their wedding isn't hers.

This.

The wife to be is being very unreasonable, I would assume she was trying to get me to not go.

Or, could the grandparents look after the baby?

I'd message them and say 'Unfortunately, as my baby will be newborn I will either have to bring them along or won't be able to attend. Could you please let me know your preference so then I can let the children know who will be looking after them at the wedding if it's the latter.'

My bridesmaid had a newborn baby and the baby attended (in a babygro suit! So adorable) as I 100% would never have considered asking her to leave her newborn at home!

Hey Ex - if baby can’t come I obviously can’t come. When and where do you want me to drop off the kids?

no need for you to sort anything…

It’s their problem to sort out not yours . As many pp have suggested just tell them you cannot leave your newborn baby . It is never unreasonable for a mother to not want to be separated from her newborn . You will be absolutely exhausted anyway, and they are treating you as the child sitter the way they are going on.

I would not be dealing with the new wife at all - just my ex. Just say you cannot attend given the baby. If they want the children there they will have to sort something out.

Why is your ex leaving it to the women to sort out?

Why on earth would you want to attend your X s wedding ?I can’t imagine anything worse , even if you “got on “ . It’s not for the sake of the children , especially the just turned 3 . They will have a new baby and a Dad getting married , a lot for them to process. Take them out for the day to a park or a beach and spend the day with your family , not your X s.

@TreadlngWater speak to your ex. ignore the bride. she isn't your kids parent.
Ask your ex what he wants - does he want his kids there? if so he has to accept either you bring the new baby (and probably your partner) or none of you attend - as you can't run around after 3 kids and (worry about) leave your partner to look after a not-invited v small baby.
Let the EX make the decision.
It's not hers to make.

It does show what kind of step-parent she will be.

Be fully aware that your ex will be dancing to her tune, and your shared kids will suffer for it.

Why should you organise childcare for your ex's wedding? Its laughable.

It’s a bit weird that you were ever going to go in the first place.

Tell him you can’t go and he needs to arrange for another family member to take the children for the day if he isn’t going to be watching them.

Tgat should have been the arrangement from the start. His new wife to be obviously doesn’t want his ex at the wedding! I don’t blame her!

Because he thinks that dealing with his children is women's work and hence beneath him.

Tell ex and bride that you can’t attend so to take you out of the equation and ask who is providing childcare for his dc for the day.

No need for drama.

agree with this!
Can’t believe you have 3 kids already with the youngest only 2 and there’s already a wedding and another baby in the mix! How stressful!

I’d imagine OP will include her children in her wedding and not ask her ex to “supervise” her own children at said wedding!

presumably the groom’s family will be there and will help their son/brother/uncle look after his children at his own wedding

Even without the baby in the mix I don't know why you'd think of going.

OP needs to toughen up. She is making this her problem when it’s not.

Agree with most PP. This isn’t that complicated OP.

You cannot leave a BF newborn of that age. Both you and the baby will be miserable. Therefore you are de facto no longer invited.

Your older children’s invitation is separate to yours. Your DH issued the invite and HE has to decide if he will

1. Facilitate their attendance
2. Disinvite them

It’s absolutely not up to you to sort logistics for a party that you are not invited to.

Good for you!

there is nots a chance I’d have left my newborn baby for an hour let alone several.

but each to their own I guess 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't be attending anyway. We got married and had our children from previous relationships there - wouldn't dream of asking exes to come and take care of them! It's just not your responsibility when he has the children and his wedding is not your concern.