Page 13 | Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

TreadlngWater · 2026-08-09T13:35:13+00:00

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding? I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go? Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

endofthelinefinally · Yesterday 17:55

GalaDinner · Yesterday 17:49

Frankly, given the number of children and their young ages, I'd be very wary about who would be looking after them at the wedding, if he can even be bothered to sort something out. Whoever it is will need eyes in the back of their head, and be constantly vigilant. Certainly they will not be able to relax, drink, chat and enjoy the wedding while they are in charge. Do you really think there will be anyone there that you could trust? It's a very tall order, particularly for someone older with less energy, or unused to the ways of children.

This. I couldn't trust my Dc's grandparents to safely look after one toddler in an empty room without supervision. Expecting them to be responsible for 3 small children at a wedding would have been madness. Wedding venues are rarely child proof and OP doesn't know who might be delegated to watch the children.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 17:56

Wellshellsbells · Yesterday 17:27

Could this be a way of not having the kids there?they know you won’t go without your baby so then they can tell people the children aren’t there because of you?

Exactly this. This has been engineered to make OP look like the bad guy.

lordbaddingham · Yesterday 17:56

'I'm sorry, I can't attend if I can't take my new baby. But the kids can still come, I'll leave it to you to organise taking care of them as I won't be there. Hope you have a great day!'

Calliopespa · Yesterday 17:58

MyPlumHelper · Yesterday 17:50

The idea of a woman who is two months postpartum taking a brand new baby, a just turned three year old, are four year old and a six year old to a wedding on her own would be shocking to most women and they wouldn't want to do it.

There's a reason why she's not backing out and is instead insisting.Her newborn is allowed, it's a bit of a power move to insert herself into her ex husband's wedding.

How did you read the OP and get that version?

The GROOM wants his children there. However, he seems unprepared to organise care for them so wants to drag their mum/his ex along to perform that role.

Op is prepared - for the sake of her dc, who want to attend - to do this (more gracious than I would be; who much wants to see their ex get remarried, but anyway ...), but as she has a newborn she will be BF, needs to be able to take the baby in order to perform this favour of childcare on his wedding day for her ex.

But now bride is essentially demanding not only that OP come and keep the kids under control, but she also has to dump her newborn somewhere to do so, because they cannot possibly accommodate a small baby who requires zero catering.

MustWeDoThis · Yesterday 17:59

TreadlngWater · Yesterday 14:51

The father of the baby isnt invited either, its only me and my DC that have been invited. The only children invited are my DC aswell

I dont really feel comfortable leaving the baby with my bf for hours anyway as im hoping to breastfeed and obviously I dont know how that is going to go yet, especially with a newborn

There are grandparents but they arent really an option for having the children for the whole wedding, and tbh I dont think I should have to find someone to look after all of them when they were invited with me in the first place

It is a sudden change, thats the thing that is confusing me. They have known im pregnant for months and they knew the baby would be here by the wedding day, they still invited me and the DC knowing all of this. Its only recently that ive been told the baby isnt invited and now apparently the DC cant be there unless someone is "accompanying" them

It just seems to have come out of nowhere

My ex has only said he doesnt want drama and that we need to work something out, but I suspect this is more his wife to be's decision and he just hasnt told her no or really added his own opinion to it

I dont want to cause a massive argument with them, especially for the DC, but im not sure why im suddenly the one expected to sort out childcare when nothing was said about this before

Ive never said I expect them to change their whole wedding for me, I just thought when they invited me and the DC they had already considered the fact that id have a newborn by then

I think you're being unfair and the babies father needs to step up. He should be left alone with the newborn, you should express milk if you're able to. The choices you make shouldn't result in negatively affecting your other children or your Ex's wedding day. They are not forcing you to not go, they are reasonably expecting the babies father to look after his own child. I think it's a bit ridiculous that you are avoiding him doing this.

On the other hand, your ex also needs to be responsible for his children and arrange for extra help/care at -his- wedding so his children can attend along with their mother. Sadly, the relationship is starting to sound a bit frosty because you're all being difficult instead of meeting half-way. You all need an adult conversation, but you also shouldn't add stress to their big day because it's not about you.

Calliopespa · Yesterday 18:00

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 17:56

Exactly this. This has been engineered to make OP look like the bad guy.

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I suspect that is what the bride is playing at.

I think the groom just genuinely expects OP to dispose of the newborn for the day and help him out.

MeridaBrave · Yesterday 18:00

He’ll have to work out childcare for his children at his wedding since you can’t go (due to the baby). Maybe he can pay a student, or find a family member? Of course you can’t leave your baby.

lordbaddingham · Yesterday 18:00

ladygin · Yesterday 17:07

So, baby and baby’s dad hang out independently at the venue / nearby / in the car with downloaded TV for baby dad. You come and breastfeed when required. Kids go to the wedding with you as accompanied. But leave as early as possible. A total pain for you and the baby dad but you are adults and can cope. The kids get to see their dad get married which is very important. And you win points for being reasonable and flexible and accommodating

Fuck that. Honestly.

Hammy19 · Yesterday 18:01

Just tell him straight that this is not your problem to solve. And that, if he can't make alternative arrangements for his own children, then he'll have to explain to them why they can't go. He is being ridiculous

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 18:01

Calliopespa · Yesterday 17:52

Well I agree the groom needs to take responsibility here, but somehow saying the newborn isn't it's father's "problem" just sounds wrong.

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The newborn would be its father's problem if OP was wanting to get some sleep, go for a walk, go to the shops for a couple of hours, or do any other thing of her own volition.

This wedding is not of her volition, but has been imposed on her by her exH for his convenience.

lordbaddingham · Yesterday 18:01

MustWeDoThis · Yesterday 17:59

I think you're being unfair and the babies father needs to step up. He should be left alone with the newborn, you should express milk if you're able to. The choices you make shouldn't result in negatively affecting your other children or your Ex's wedding day. They are not forcing you to not go, they are reasonably expecting the babies father to look after his own child. I think it's a bit ridiculous that you are avoiding him doing this.

On the other hand, your ex also needs to be responsible for his children and arrange for extra help/care at -his- wedding so his children can attend along with their mother. Sadly, the relationship is starting to sound a bit frosty because you're all being difficult instead of meeting half-way. You all need an adult conversation, but you also shouldn't add stress to their big day because it's not about you.

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He wants his children at his wedding, he needs to look after them or arrange someone to do so. Why is it on the OP!

MeridaBrave · Yesterday 18:02

KitsyWitsy · Yesterday 14:37

Or he can take care of the newborn when you’re gone?

How does this work if she is breastfeeding? Not realistic for more than say 3 hours away from the baby.

hourspassed · Yesterday 18:02

I'd say you don't have to work anything out. It's your ex's wedding so he needs to facilitate his DCs being there.

I think she may be worried that a newborn belonging to her new DH's ex wife might take some of the shine away from her and her special day. I actually can totally see her thinking and don't blame her for this.

Your ex needs to step up and ask his sister/Mum/friend/ etc etc to look after his DCs for the day. It's really not your problem though I understand you want your DCs to go but he needs to sort it. Not you.

MeridaBrave · Yesterday 18:04

MustWeDoThis · Yesterday 17:59

I think you're being unfair and the babies father needs to step up. He should be left alone with the newborn, you should express milk if you're able to. The choices you make shouldn't result in negatively affecting your other children or your Ex's wedding day. They are not forcing you to not go, they are reasonably expecting the babies father to look after his own child. I think it's a bit ridiculous that you are avoiding him doing this.

On the other hand, your ex also needs to be responsible for his children and arrange for extra help/care at -his- wedding so his children can attend along with their mother. Sadly, the relationship is starting to sound a bit frosty because you're all being difficult instead of meeting half-way. You all need an adult conversation, but you also shouldn't add stress to their big day because it's not about you.

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I don’t think this is reasonable. Even if the baby can be left with his father as he will take expressed milk, the OP will be uncomfortable not feeding, and really not reasonable for her to be finding a space to express milk at a wedding she doesnt even want to go to.

Fatsnowflake · Yesterday 18:04

It's not reasonable to expect OP to express milk. Some mums can't and some babies won't take it. It can cause nipple confusion and interfere with successful breastfeeding. Newborns don't see themselves as separate to their mothers and it's completely unreasonable to expect her to leave a tiny baby. It would be a no from me.

jsfv · Yesterday 18:05

MassiveOvaryaction · Yesterday 15:08

If it's hours away were you planning on staying over? If so surely baby's dad can come along too, hanging around nearby so you can nip out to feed etc when needed but otherwise supervise your children?

What a great day OP will have in your world.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 18:07

https://www.alleventschildcare.co.uk/wedding-childcare/ send exH this and tell him that you will not be going.

Wedding Childcare

Wedding childcare, wedding nanny support, mobile crèche service and children’s entertainment for weddings across the UK.

https://www.alleventschildcare.co.uk/wedding-childcare

IJustMight · Yesterday 18:07

lordbaddingham · Yesterday 17:56

'I'm sorry, I can't attend if I can't take my new baby. But the kids can still come, I'll leave it to you to organise taking care of them as I won't be there. Hope you have a great day!'

Seriously, something like this is all you have left to do. It's his problem to solve, not yours.

Switchnow · Yesterday 18:07

SuePer · Yesterday 16:01

Yes but he isn't so she has to.

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She doesn’t actually have to. Who in their right mind marries a man with a two year old, and a man who expects his ex and his bride to sort out his kids between them? Sounds like a car crash. I wouldn’t worry too much if they miss it OP, I expect there will be other women, other weddings for them to look forward to.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · Yesterday 18:08

ShakaWhenTheWallsFell · Yesterday 15:51

Why would there be drama? You reply "Thanks for the invite exhub, I'm not able to leave my newborn, so won't be able to attend. Please make arrangements for our DC to be supervised by one of your attending family members"

This is very much not your problem

Exactly this. Why is it YOUR job to sort out them attending HIS wedding?

If you hadn't been invited he'd have to sort it

Purplerubberducky · Yesterday 18:09

He needs to sort arrangements for his kids for the day. If he refuses he’s a POS. You don’t need to go. He’s taking no responsibility and getting away with it

SunshineAndFizz · Yesterday 18:09

Just say you’ll be breast feeding so can’t leave the baby. So they’ll have to either let the baby come, or find alternative arrangements for someone looking after the kids at the wedding. Then let them decide.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 18:15

SuePer · Yesterday 17:33

Why do you even want to go op? Yes it'd nice for the toddler and the 2 not much older to go to a party but seriously they won't care if they miss it.

Where has OP said that she actually wants to go?

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · Yesterday 18:17

MustWeDoThis · Yesterday 17:59

I think you're being unfair and the babies father needs to step up. He should be left alone with the newborn, you should express milk if you're able to. The choices you make shouldn't result in negatively affecting your other children or your Ex's wedding day. They are not forcing you to not go, they are reasonably expecting the babies father to look after his own child. I think it's a bit ridiculous that you are avoiding him doing this.

On the other hand, your ex also needs to be responsible for his children and arrange for extra help/care at -his- wedding so his children can attend along with their mother. Sadly, the relationship is starting to sound a bit frosty because you're all being difficult instead of meeting half-way. You all need an adult conversation, but you also shouldn't add stress to their big day because it's not about you.

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Exactly, it's not about OP. It's her exes wedding day. He needs to make arrangements for his own children for his own wedding day.

And she's not being unfair. No one would be forcing me to leave my newborn for a full day just because my ex couldn't be bothered factoring in the fact he has children. OP is nothing to do with this wedding and had no say in it. Would you not have your children at your wedding if your ex wouldn't attend to babysit? Disgraceful behaviour.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 18:18

SuePer · Yesterday 16:01

Yes but he isn't so she has to.

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Actually, she doesn't have to and shouldn't.

OP can, and should, just let her exH fail here. She's no longer his wife, she's not his mother, and she's not responsible for enabling him to duck out of hiring event childcare.