Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

[TreadlngWater]

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know

My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us

Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn

She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time

I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding?

I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either

Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done

The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there

I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work

If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go?

Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

Win points?

For Olympic Level Martyrdom?

The two and four year olds need constant attention and supervision - not just someone 'keeping an eye'.

Unless i've misunderstood, she's left him so I don't know why you were worried about walking into an abusive relationship. He's marrying someone else, and she's having a kid by someone else.

This. Im surprised OP wants to attend anyway and the kids are still small. He didnt hang around.... no way id be going he needs to sort his own kids out. They all cant get along as well as OP thinks. Its your que to step back OP.

So your invited to be childcare for the children essentially.

Tell your ex there is no compromise.

Your baby is not invited so therefore you cannot attend as the baby is your priority at that time.

It's not for you to them arrange alternative childcare.

And don’t let them make it all your fault the children can’t attend. It’s not. They decided to have a child free wedding with the only option to have the grooms children attending is the ex wife who has just had a newborn but banning her baby from attending.
he can pay for a nanny for the day can’t he if there are no other options.

You make it their problem because it sure as hell isn’t yours. Just message them and say, ‘Since the baby isn’t invited to the wedding and is being exclusively breastfed, I will obviously be unable to attend. Just let me know what you want to do with the children when you decide. Hope it goes well. Have a great day!’

I agree with your last sentence. He’s their father, he should sort something out.

Crumbs, so much fuss and overcomplicating.

My three-year-old stepdaughter was at our wedding. She wasn't 'accompanied' - she was a bridesmaid, and everybody looked after her! She had a great time because there were other children there too. She remembers it still - during the planning stage would say 'our wedding' and 'when we get married'. The grandparents had her overnight in the hotel.

I breastfed for yonks but was still able to leave my babies for events - I pumped and dumped. Would that not be an option? How old will the baby be?

If not, their father could hire a nanny for the day - somebody would do it for £15-£20 an hour! It would be a small charge in the context of a whole wedding. Which might be a bit nicer for the OP too, no matter how well they all get on.

It’s very odd to attend the remarriage of your ex, I would be telling him clearly, not her, that he needs to find someone to mind the joint dc if you cannot bring your newborn, indicate you are absolutely fine not attending but you cannot provide childcare without your newborn, politely but to the point, his dc, his decision

Also - this really is for the father to work out, not the OP. It's not her job!

The baby not being invited makes no sense other than being a device to disinvite the OP. Babes-in-arms don't add to numbers.

The most I’d be offering is to arrange collection of the dc at x time

This is not your problem to solve. You can't go so they need to arrange for someone else to the escort the kids for the day. It's not your circus.

Why would anyone do this?

I'd tell them that you don't mind the kids going, but they need to work out who's looking after them. You don't want any drama and was willing to even come and watch the kids for him, but obviously not if you can't bring your babe in arms

He "doesn't want drama", what a fucking pillock. Congrats on him being an ex!

His kids, his wedding, his problem to solve. Just tell him that.

Why would you even want to be there anyway? It's just plain weird.

I'm not sure Op being able to take her baby is much of a solution if no one will be helping her.

It isn't your job to work out his childcare problems at his wedding. You can offer to go with the baby, or he finds someone else to supervise the kids. That isn't creating drama, it's a very simple statement of fact.

Could this be a way of not having the kids there?they know you won’t go without your baby so then they can tell people the children aren’t there because of you?

“OK, no worries. I’ll stay at home with the baby - a much better idea. I’ll drop the kids at yours the afternoon before.”

I just wanted to add

If the groom doesn’t arrange appropriate child care for the day and marries without his children present, he will cement himself in the bad parent hall of fame.

He wouldn’t be a prime exhibit, more just a mention in the annex, but his response here shows he probably has form
for this and will work his way up.

Your ex doesn't want drama so he expects the women to sort out his DC for him? Yeah, right.
You need to stop discussing this with his wife to be. Tell him very clearly its either you plus baby or unaccompanied DC and he must choose, because you without the baby is not an option.

Ok. Didn't know we were being asked to help with logistics of that too.

Sounds like she doesn't want you there, I'd not go personally

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