Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

I assume that your close family members are aware of this so that they don't waste an absolute fortune on a really generous gift for you.

Do you just tell people not to buy you anything for birthday and Christmas? Do you buy presents for other people?

I also assume that as you like to save up for stuff, giving you money or gift vouchers would anger you too?

She’s saved for three years to book this trip and the type of watch that gives you a ‘shopping experience’ I’m sure between them they can afford a trip to Dubai

He can have a "luxury shopping experience" in Dubai. Isn't that what it's about?
Although it's a risky location at the moment, though.

I would cancel the holiday, & take the watch back.
He is an ungrateful entitled Fuck, He can suck it up.

edited to say, how much effort does he put into Your birthday ?

The 'D'H is probably upset because he wants to be the big man and pay for the things that match his expensive tastes.

Oh well at least the OP knows not to bother going to any effort or expense in future and very small gifts will suffice going forward. For his next birthday she can get him a very small violin.

100% with the husband.

No other human gets to impose on me their idea of what makes me happy.

I just can’t with this today.
She hasn’t bought him a motorbike and booked him a safari trip when he hates both.
She has listened to him - he wants to go to Dubai, this is his dream watch.
It is the art of great gift giving to listen to what someone else wants. And he sounds like the type of man who lets it be known as well.

Did you miss the part where he said this was the exact watch he wanted, and that Dubai was his dream destination?

Do you generally view gifts as “someone imposing their will on you?”

Yes quite. The way OP worded it sounds like she saved from her personal fun money not a joint family pot, which is why it took her 3 years bit by bit to build up a few thousand for the special birthday gifts without having to take anything from the "family money". I'm sure they have family holidays too from the main pot.

I've just remembered I bought my husband a nice watch for his 60th. I had no idea about the store experience stuff and just ordered it to be delivered so didn't set foot in the shop myself. (It did turn up in a series of hilarious pass the parcel boxes, the largest of which was shoe box size and not one but two delivery guys, one presenting the box and the other with the certificate which I was a bit bemused by but obviously I should have summoned DH to the door to appreciate this "experience". Spoiler, I didn't.)

He was delighted with it and wears it every day. Until this thread I had no idea there was a wrong way to buy a watch as a present for someone, especially if it was one they had chosen. Well, now I know!

He sounds like an ungrateful spoilt brat op, sorry. I hope he's not a twat in other aspects of your life together too.

Please don't hide your emotions from him, I think you should tell him how you feel. He didn't care about hurting you, so don't worry about how he'll feel when you tell him.

I would also return the watch if you can and tell the shop exactly why, and that your husband will be in in a couple of days to buy the same watch again anyway 🙄

Yet, DH is awful for not hiding his emotions....

Take a friend or your Mum to Dubai. He's being an arse.

Why would you be with a man who wants to visit a misogynist culture where slavery is still practiced? Ditch him.

If ever there was a post that shows that there are 2 types of people in this world.... Easy going and highly strung 😆

He's awful for being a rude prick.

I do get his reaction.
Lets say I wanted a wedding dress. I'd picked one from a magazine. I would probably plan taking a friend with me to buy it, trying it on in a lovely shop, with staff fluttering around me. Feeling special. Then instead, someone gifted it to me in a box in my house. Same dress. Different experience to my imagination.

Perhaps your dh had imagined saying something manly and blokey to a smartly dressed sales staff. Something nonchalant about how he wanted a watch to wear to the F1 . Who knows.
Dry your eyes @MrsM101 take the watch back and let dh pick it out in his own time. Let him have his fun experience.
I expect there is a way to fine tune the holiday that suits him better.
You tried a bit too hard and he got a bit sulky. It will blow over.

He's acting like a spoiled child.

Wow - you are really lacking in empathy for the OP.

And you sound exceedingly demanding/rigid about how things must be done "your way".

I don't like surprises like this. I would want to be part of the planning and choosing. I hope I would be more polite than your DH, but I might be going on the holiday with a sense of grievance which would not enhance it much. Sorry.

Well my husband knows me well enough that he’d immediately know I wasn’t delighted with the gift - I’m not a great actress and he knows me better than anyone.

If he asked me why I wasn’t delighted I’d be honest. I would show gratitude that he tried to do the right thing, and I certainly wouldn’t want him being upset about it but he would definitely know he’d missed the mark and probably would be upset as he would’ve done it to make me happy and not succeeded in how he expected it would go.

The OP hasn’t suggested DH has done anything untoward, just that he was “annoyed”. He’s hardly refused to go on the holiday and smashed the watch up. I would be more disappointed than annoyed.

I think you’ve made a mistake here OP. Your husband isn’t 50, he’s actually 5. Take the watch back to the shop and replace it with a Teletubbies one.

We’re talking about gifts here. The point of the gift is to make the receiver happy, so of course doing it “their way” is the way to go about it.

Or do you think gift giving is actually about the giver and it doesn’t matter if it takes something away from the receiver as it was never actually about them anyway?!

I agree with your husband.

Not so much about the watch, but i would hate not to be involved in the choosing and planning of my own holiday. (Also Dubai is the last place I'd choose!)

There are so many threads on here from posters who get no presents, no effort, or shit presents with no thought. Or promises of presents which never happen.
And now it’s well I would want to be involved, I would be disappointed, honestly I don’t get people.

BeetrootLentilsGoatsCheese is explaining how she would like her birthday. If it's to celebrate my birthday I am with her, I'd like to do what I want to do. So I don't want to be taken by surprise to London with booked tickets to see e.g. a special exhibition at Tate Modern, because I don't want to go to Tate Modern, I'd rather a trip to see the Turner Bequest at the original Tate, so I would be polite but miffed. I hope I wouldn't walk round with a sense of grievance and be able to stop myself from suggesting that Tate Modern is interesting but can we go and see Turner now?
OP's DH obviously feels the same.