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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH working from home ALL the time; feeling absolutely drained by him

531 replies

Gotitthanks · 15/07/2026 16:25

That sounds horrible but hear me out. DH is disabled. It’s fairly recent and we’re all still adjusting I dare say.

Work has adjusted to him working from home permanently. Because of his disability he has to sit in a specially adapted chair. There’s no room for it in any of the bedrooms upstairs so he’s in the lounge.

Since he’s sleeping badly at night he is working when he can. He was working until 8 o clock last night. We have young children and I am sick to death of having a husband who is there in all but name.

I know there’s no easy answers. I’m just sharing because it’s so difficult to talk about in RL without sounding an arse but truth is I’m sick of the sight of him!

OP posts:
ThreadGuardDog · 19/07/2026 14:37

saraclara · 19/07/2026 13:06

@ThreadGuardDog OP posted on the relationships branch, not the health or disability branches.

I've spent a forty year career in special education. I don't go to the SEN branch, because I know I'll end up trying to fix what is probably unfixable. And I know that many people posting there are just looking for emotional support, because of what they're going through, and my input would probably just be irritating..

When people are going through hell, they don't really come to a forum like Mumsnet to be fixed. They just need to vent, and should be allowed to do so.

Absolutely agree. Will remember in future. Thanks.

adragoncalledaudrey · 19/07/2026 16:47

OP, I’m late to your thread.

I think I unfortunately get it. It is shit. And I’m sorry.

My being sorry doesn’t help. It doesn’t make it better. It even makes me feel an arse for saying it. So I’m sorry for that too because I know from experience it doesn’t help.

Sometimes putting things out into the air is the only thing we can do for a bit of relief.

Do what you need to get you through the day.

ThreadGuardDog · 19/07/2026 21:14

Gotitthanks · 19/07/2026 10:41

@ThreadGuardDog will you please leave it? My OP says I know there’s no easy answers. I’m just sharing because it’s so difficult to talk about in RL

I don’t ask anything about adapting the home, or benefits or anything like that. It’s relationships. I’ve actually been in tears more than once by you on this thread. And I don’t like admitting a weakness because I think I’ve got a sense of what you do now; you come back with a ‘lovely, helpful’ response in which you criticise me heavily but do so in such flowery language and so so sweetly you can then claim you’re only being nice. I see you. Stop it.

Thanks @CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan

I was irritated with DH, last Tuesday when I started the thread. Yesterday was awful; we had a celebration and I just wanted to cry as it’s likely the last one, and then I’m on here and I have to deal with horrible responses from people adamant that I didn’t make my aims, objectives and outcomes clear from the start and that therefore excuses being horrible!

Such a nasty response. I’ve tried to help until I realised that’s not what you wanted, so I stepped back. I’m sorry if what I posted upset you. That was never my intention. But the way you have characterised me here is very unfair - you appear to only want to see the worst in people. Again that’s fine, understandable in your situation that you want to lash out. I’m out for good now. I really hope you find a way through this and I really do wish you the best. Don’t worry I won’t be back.

Original poster
Gotitthanks · 19/07/2026 22:10

You haven’t stepped back! You keep coming back, announcing you’re going, ad infinitum! I have honestly never known someone so persistent in this - it’s been a never ending cycle of

  1. i have offered this to the OP
  2. I realised the OP didn’t want it
  3. A passive aggressive insult about the OP
  4. A tired ‘good luck to the OP’ with a passive aggressive hint that it is undeserved
  5. A final farewell.

By this point on the thread, you have stated you are leaving it and me more times than Jayne Torville and Christopher Dean have performed the Bolero for the last ever time on Dancing on Ice Confused

OP posts:
TheHatTrick · 19/07/2026 22:54

@Gotitthanks I am here if you need an ear. Unfortunately, it seems you’ll have to just ignore the unhelpful posts. I know there are others reading here that are willing to listen and support you in the way that you are asking.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 19/07/2026 23:16

Is there any way you could ask him to focus on family for a set hour or so every evening? As a start? So the kids feel they've had a piece of him that's not distracted. Try to time his meds so he's with it but not too tired. Is he self aware enough to see the impact on you all or still in the midst of adjustment and grief?

I really feel for you. When my children were a similar age to yours my DH had a full mental breakdown, delayed effect of PTSD when I returned from mat leave and wasn't holding everything together any more. He was nearly sectioned and put on strong sedatives, at his worst he would sleep up to 16-20 hours a day and mostly be awake in the evenings. It was hell but not as intrusive as your situation.

I'm assuming his specialist chair is closer to an electric recliner rather than an office chair or I'd wonder about making the doorway bigger.

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