This is long as I’m trying not to drip feed
Daughter came home this weekend specifically asking for advice. I’ve said I need to think about it as I’ve got an idea of what I want to say but want to mull it over for a few days as her whole relationship is at stake
basically she has a massive mil problem (and a fil)
every time her and her finance suggest a venue for the wedding pil say oh that won’t work for grandmother (let’s call her Mabel)
Mabel is in her 80’s but so are dd grandparents plus they are significantly disabled. Her grandparents are prepared to travel anywhere for the wedding, they acknowledge it’s dd and fiancés decision. Mabel refuses to travel
His parents say oh it’s your choice but whenever he suggests a venue they say oh it’s not goi g to work
Dd & sil are paying for the wedding. Families live 7 hours apart. Someone’s got to travel so dd thinks they chose where they want and everyone travels. Sil is trying to keep everyone happy and is upsetting dd to the point t where if he doesn’t stand up to them she’s not sure they can be together
He hasn’t clicked that his parents will only be happy if they get married in their home town
everytime dd visits her mil pressurises them to look at houses nearby. My dd keeps batting her away but mil keeps putting pressure on him to move back
dd and sil live approx midway between the families
tgeres lots I could say about mil but she is a problem
right where I am
sil need to sod his parents and him and dd chose where they want. It’s up to their parents & Grandparents to be happy with their choice and accept travel is involved. If you’re not prepared to travel then u don’t attend
problem is sil has never had to stand up to parents and is trying to keep them happy
dd has found THE venue but he’s refused to visit as it won’t work for his parents as Mabel won’t travel
we need to make sil wake up & realise his parents will only accept their home town & my dd will not get married their - she doesn’t like the place! She as a compromise has said no to getting married in her home town
ive said she needs to tell sil, WE have a problem. Parents will only accept your home town and I’m not willing to get married there, that doesn’t work for me so how are WE going to resolve this so he doesn’t feel she’s making him chose between her and his parents - even though she is
briwnies if you’ve got this far. I’ll try and answer any questions. I e made sil sound weak. He’s actually a lovely guy who doesn’t want to upset his parents but hasn’t realised a) it’s home town or nothing and b) how upset dd is as his parents are controlling the narrative
it became clear at the engagement party they threw how much control they want (long story but my dh was spitting) For dd the penny has dropped. Sil just thinks they are just being interested and loving parents. We need to get him to realise they are trying to control them without destroying his relationship with them and dd isn’t prepared to be in a relationship with him and his parents