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Relationships

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It’s weird to refer to your spouse as your best friend.

109 replies

joseline · 09/07/2026 08:41

Why do many of y’all refer to your spouse as best friends ? Your husband or your wife is the one person that can betray you the most, poison you, even kill you.

but besides that, when you are with your spouse, you sort of have to perform and be at least close to perfect. You have to stay fit to keep them attracted to you, have to be good in bed or otherwise they will mock you, if you are a man you gotta have the biggest member possible and as a woman you gotta have the best looking behind possible. You have to do grand gestures wether it’s gifts, trips, dates or else.

and let’s also talk about bad times. If you get severely ill and need to be hospitalised and cared for. Even worst, if you have cancer. Chances are they gonna dump you at the worst possible time. It’s not guaranteed that they will have your back. Heck, when women get pregnant the men often loses attraction even if the men doesn’t dump her right away or cheat on her (which he will). And if a man gets severely ill and need to be hospitalised, the woman will dump him.

overhaul, this whole love thing is a fairytale fantasy. That doesn’t exist in marriage. It only exist in family and friends.

when you are with your friends, you can just let loose and be your flawed self and you won’t get judged for it. When you are with your actual best friend you can confide in them and be vulnerable and you won’t get judged.

why do many refer to their spouses as best friends ? They can’t be. Spouses can stab you in the back. Specially now in 2026

OP posts:
Itsalittlebitwarm · Yesterday 01:09

Yes it's weird to me because my BFF I met at age 11, well before we got into relationships.

Love DH but wouldn't put him in the same category of best friend, like je wouldn't for me.

We developed friendships before we met, had already established a BFF, so no he's not my best friend, my friend is!

PenelopeJoanSterling · Yesterday 01:13

Orders76 · Yesterday 00:59

Very sad idea you have of a friend and lover. If I thought they'd kill/ leave/ double cross me, why would I be with them?
Your spouse/ friend/ love should be the combination of safe spaces you need. If they aren't, they are not your person.

well they dont turn that way to begin with otherwise mumsnet threads would be all positive relationships and no he or she cheated etc

suburberphobe · Yesterday 01:19

I always laugh when those same people find out their so called best friend spouses cheat on them or admit to them they aren’t in love anymore lol.

Quite nasty to be laughing at other people's misfortunes in love.

Maybe you think you're living in a fairy tale OP.

Life throws strange curve balls. Hey, it could even happen to you.

LBFseBrom · Yesterday 01:29

Goodness me you have had some bad experience.

My husband was my best friend and I his. I never had to 'perform', he loved me with my imperfectipms (and vice versa).

Topseyt123 · Yesterday 01:40

My husband was my very best friend. I was his too. Why on earth wouldn't we be? Our marriage lasted 33 years until his death in March of this year.

What a twisted and bitter outlook you have on life!

SaltyandSweet · Yesterday 03:05

I'm sorry for the experience(s) you must have had for you to feel this way. My husband is my best friend though I never say it to others - I mean why would you, it's just not something that comes up. He is my best friend in that he knows me best, we get along great, he makes me laugh all the time, and he is the first person I want to speak to about anything and everything. I get that this is putting all my eggs in one basket which I think is the gist of your post but it has just worked out that way. I can't imagine wanting to be married to, have children with, grow old with someone who wasn't my best friend. If my DH did all that you describe in your OP, of course it would blow up my life, but I am of the view that you can't live your life fearing the worst.

Toohotforwork · Yesterday 03:34

PenelopeJoanSterling · Yesterday 01:13

well they dont turn that way to begin with otherwise mumsnet threads would be all positive relationships and no he or she cheated etc

The majority of marriages are successful - 40% end in divorse - so 60% are successful. There is obviously a lot of bias in who comes on to Mumsnet to post. No ones going to start a thread about how their husband hasn't cheated on them this year.

Lets face it there are plenty of threads about where someone non-husband best friend has back stabbed them or fallen out. Pretty much any post involving hen dos.

MyRubyPanda · Yesterday 19:47

Personally, because he is. I had a male best friend back in 1999. Eventually I twigged that he was interested in me romantically (I'd wrongly assumed I wasn't his type). The dating went really well, so we married. Married for nearly 25 years, haven't found a better best friend, so my husband is still my best friend.

TheFormerMrsTruelove · Yesterday 20:22

You sound like Miss Haversham.

I’m assuming you’re in the throes of heartbreak right now?

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