It’s weird to refer to your spouse as your best friend.

[joseline]

Why do many of y’all refer to your spouse as best friends ? Your husband or your wife is the one person that can betray you the most, poison you, even kill you.

but besides that, when you are with your spouse, you sort of have to perform and be at least close to perfect. You have to stay fit to keep them attracted to you, have to be good in bed or otherwise they will mock you, if you are a man you gotta have the biggest member possible and as a woman you gotta have the best looking behind possible. You have to do grand gestures wether it’s gifts, trips, dates or else.

and let’s also talk about bad times. If you get severely ill and need to be hospitalised and cared for. Even worst, if you have cancer. Chances are they gonna dump you at the worst possible time. It’s not guaranteed that they will have your back. Heck, when women get pregnant the men often loses attraction even if the men doesn’t dump her right away or cheat on her (which he will). And if a man gets severely ill and need to be hospitalised, the woman will dump him.

overhaul, this whole love thing is a fairytale fantasy. That doesn’t exist in marriage. It only exist in family and friends.

when you are with your friends, you can just let loose and be your flawed self and you won’t get judged for it. When you are with your actual best friend you can confide in them and be vulnerable and you won’t get judged.

why do many refer to their spouses as best friends ? They can’t be. Spouses can stab you in the back. Specially now in 2026

This one is a blend of two female names.

Just had a look and oh yes, it’s the one who likes to laugh at people who miss their buses and trains.

My best friend of 14 years became my partner, so does that mean he's no longer my best friend?

You are so bitter it's painful to read.
Many people have happy relationships and all this vitrol doesn't happen. MN is going to attract all men are bastards types because not many women are going to come on here and post about their solid, happy marriage.My h is my bf and we've been toogether for 27 years married 25. It's my 4th marriage. He's my cheer leader has my back 100% and I'm the same to him. We have our minor moments but make up quickly. Neither of us has stormed out after a row, got pissed then cheated.
Life is too short for that shit and drama.

I haven't heard a dick called a "member" for a long time. Interesting. It's already put a picture of Joseline and the sort of person s/he is in my head

Reading AS there is a lot of family divorces and vitrol in the background. Add in her experiences and you can see why sh'e bitter and venting.
As peeps have said up thread what OP has said on her posts isn't the normal for everyone. I've been married 4 times, widowed twice after short marriages [less that 4 years each] and 1 divorce after a year to an worsening alkie. Should have married #4 first of all but then wouldn't have had my great kids😄

Wow, you sound really quite bitter. My partner, my best friend got me through cancer and I literally couldn’t love him any more than I do. My body is scared and bloated from treatment but he tells me he loves me every day. Our sex life has never been better and the whole experience has made us appreciate life and each other so much more.
stop tarring every male with the same brush!
he feels scared when walking late at night (we walks for fitness and to help him sleep) but if he sees a woman/women walking he will go out of his way to walk the other way for fear of being accused of following them. (I’ve literally witnessed it happening!) we need to stop the man hate!!

Completely disagree!
Approaching 20y of mariage, we have zero pressure to perform or try to be perfect. I make more effort when I see my friends to be honest. There is however nobody else I’d want to share my life with, we say i love you several times a day, we kiss and hug and hold hands when walking outside… there is definitely love in our mariage!

How bitter!

My husband is my best friend. I’m fit / in good shape as I want to be (possibly more muscular than he would chose?) but he doesn’t care.

Oh @joseline, I was very sad to read your opening post. In fact I hope it is as it sounds, and has been written by someone - of whatever age - to garner attention, and to fill up some seemingly endless hours of boredom.

However, in case it is true, I am going to give the rest of my reply to you from the perspective that I believe that you are being as honest with us as you are to yourself.

Do you know why you are so unhappy jose? I would give an educated guess that it is probably due to a multitude of horrible life experiences, or if 'only' one or two, then they must have been massive, and at least one of them probably goes back to your childhood, maybe even to before you had any proper awareness of (your) self.

I would like to address your quote saying:
"..... But I always laugh when those same people find out their so called best friend spouses cheat on them or admit to them they aren't in love anymore lol."
because even with the "lol" tagged on to the end, I don't believe that you are necessarily finding situations like that to be amusing in the hahaha way, although there is a term that we borrow from the German language called 'Schadenfreude,' which seems to at least partially explain the phenomenon of some people getting pleasure out of someone else's misfortune..

I think it is much more likely in your case jose, that having suffered in such a 'soul destroying way' yourself, and then, especially if you had personally warned anyone against the act of believing that their partner is their best friend, that you find a sort of - bitter - vindication in what you consider to be proof that you were right that people are incapable of being both a romantic partner, and one's best friend at the same time.

It has been suggested that sometimes inappropriate laughter, and apparent pleasure at another person's misfortune, is more about the unhappiness of the offender rsther than them just being an unpleasant character. The apparent amusement may be driven by a complex coping mechanism, which can provide stress relief, and even a sense to the offender that they have control over their situation. It can, in effect, mask their psychological pain, and even a feeling of helplessness, for a limited amount of time. But in reality, and I think that definitely in your case @joseline, that if you haven't already, you need to seek some indepth counselling. Please. 💐

100% not weird and I can’t see why you wouldn’t want to marry your best friend. I remember saying it to a work colleague once and she looked at me with utter disdain saying her partner wasn’t her best friend. Three months later, they had split up…

It depends on the relationship but I think for many people their spouse is just that.

I don’t see my Dh as my best friend. I’ve had a best friend for nearly 40 years. I don’t class any relative as a friend, my sister is my sister, my daughter is my daughter and my mum is my mum.

I do find a lot of your post weird though. I don’t perform for my Dh. I can be most comfortable with him as he is my intimate partner. I don’t have to be good in bed or look good to gain approval. He loves me regardless.

Looks like you are writing from your own experience, and that is certainly not universal.
You have an individual and incorrect idea of marriage, at least a good one! I knew my DH was the right man as I DIDN’T have to pretend to be anything that who I am. I didn’t have to constantly be the best version of myself. Sure first few weeks you do, but you can’t sustain that.
And being friends, genuinely enjoying spending time with each other, is a great foundation for marriage.

overhaul, this whole love thing is a fairytale fantasy. That doesn’t exist in marriage. It only exist in family and friends.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affirming_the_consequent

Here is your logic:

1. Spouses cannot be friends
2. Spouses are not family
3. Love can only exist in friends and family
4. Therefore love cannot exist in marriage
5. Therefore spouses cannot be friends.

My parents are best friends, married for over sixty years, I'd be here all day if I had to list the hardships they had been through together. Supported each other 100% the whole time. Dads health failing him now, but my mother is right there by his side, 24/7, doing everything for him. Similarly, when mum was ill a few years ago, Dad never once left the hospital until she was discharged, and when they got home, he rang me up for instructions on how to do various tasks that mum had always done, because he was adamant that she should rest and he wouldn't hear of anyone but him looking after her.

I mean, perhaps its been fake all these years, but that sure looks genuine to me.

My partner is my best friend 😛

I’ve been married 26 years and am still in love with my husband.

i don’t really understand the point of your post. Best friends, as well as spouses, can stab you in the back. But my husband is definitely the person I am closest too, who knows me best, warts and all. I don’t have to “perform” for him, or even shave my legs, for him to find me attractive.

I think you’ve probably got some issues going on.
my Husband is my best friend and we are way beyond the honeymoon period. Yes, he could betray me but to be honest I had a best friend in my 20’s who hurt me more than any man ever has.

DH was my best friend from the age of 11 we didn't date until we were 25, he didn't stop being my best friend, what an odd perspective. We've been together 17 years.
Also few long term close friendships are without any kind of disagreement, in a proper friendship you can be honest and don't need to always agree.

it helps to trust someone, just dont trust them completely, as everyone can at some point turn out to be a machivelli, and its usually the closest to you that turn

Sorry that you seem to have picked the wrong person. My marriage is nothing like what you describe.

Because mine is my best friend. I don’t have to pretend to be perfect for him and he sure as hell doesn’t have to pretend for me.

Very sad idea you have of a friend and lover. If I thought they'd kill/ leave/ double cross me, why would I be with them?
Your spouse/ friend/ love should be the combination of safe spaces you need. If they aren't, they are not your person.