It’s weird to refer to your spouse as your best friend.

[joseline]

Why do many of y’all refer to your spouse as best friends ? Your husband or your wife is the one person that can betray you the most, poison you, even kill you.

but besides that, when you are with your spouse, you sort of have to perform and be at least close to perfect. You have to stay fit to keep them attracted to you, have to be good in bed or otherwise they will mock you, if you are a man you gotta have the biggest member possible and as a woman you gotta have the best looking behind possible. You have to do grand gestures wether it’s gifts, trips, dates or else.

and let’s also talk about bad times. If you get severely ill and need to be hospitalised and cared for. Even worst, if you have cancer. Chances are they gonna dump you at the worst possible time. It’s not guaranteed that they will have your back. Heck, when women get pregnant the men often loses attraction even if the men doesn’t dump her right away or cheat on her (which he will). And if a man gets severely ill and need to be hospitalised, the woman will dump him.

overhaul, this whole love thing is a fairytale fantasy. That doesn’t exist in marriage. It only exist in family and friends.

when you are with your friends, you can just let loose and be your flawed self and you won’t get judged for it. When you are with your actual best friend you can confide in them and be vulnerable and you won’t get judged.

why do many refer to their spouses as best friends ? They can’t be. Spouses can stab you in the back. Specially now in 2026

You've got some very strange ideas about marriage and how people who really love each other behave towards each other. It's clear you've only met shit men.

I know lots of people, including my son, my parents and siblings who openly say they are married to their best friend. I actually don't know how you can go through 20, 40 or 60 years together with all of life's ups and downs if your spouse isn't your best friend.

OP - are you getting married every time you go on a date? Sure plenty of spouses of either sex cheat. But most people I hope don’t select spouses on perfect arses or penises or sexual performances that are designed to BE performance otherwise marriage would t really be a thing any more.
I don’t know how one is supposed to be aware of penis sizes anyway just by seeing someone- you’d need to get naked for that.
Do you think every married person has a large penis or perfect backside - even if it’s just at the point of marriage and then suddenly they disintegrate after the “honeymoon phase”?

otherwise .., are you just bored perchance?

Well, sincere thanks for those rays of sunshine this morning.....

What a jaded view you have on life. Just because you seem to have encountered some lousy men it doesn't mean they are all like that. I still consider my ex-husband my best friend, and I've always been able to be myself with him, which is not the case with all my friends.

You laugh? This is a lol scenario to you? Nice.

Nice of you to laugh.

Best friendships don't always last forever either. I've had lots during my life, most faded away and one hurt me as much as a partner ever did. My husband has been my best friend for 8 years. Of course he has the power to hurt me or to drift away. That doesn't mean he's not my best friend now. And by best friend I mean the person I like hanging out with most, the one I always choose to do things with and the one who makes me happiest.

@joseline it sounds like you need to raise your bar and pick men more wisely.

all men aren’t dickheads.

Incidentally, I don't know a single person, man or woman, who was dumped by their spouse because they became ill and needed care.

I think perhaps you are saying that there is a difference between unconditional love and the love of attraction?
In which case I agree.
A marital / partner relationship is generally much more conditional than other close relationships.

Check out AS

@joseline is clearly lonely, struggling and a bit…. F*ed up!!

I think you haven’t found your person yet. I definitely felt this way about ex’s. It took me getting to 35 to find my soulmate- cringey maybe but I know he is the other half of me.
I know in my bones 100% if I got ill or anything sinister happened he would be by my side unwavering. We are literally obsessed with each other and everyday it grows. No it’s not a new relationship, I just genuinely believe I’ve found the other half of me. When you know you know! I hope you find this x

I’ve been married 30 years and we’ve had our ups and downs but he is my absolute rock and we laugh every day. He most definitely is my best friend. Sees me at my worst and still spends every day trying to make me happy.

And just to say I’m neither fit, nor attractive. I’m
not domestic (he does a lot of it) and I have annoyingly high standards about a lot of stuff.

Not everything is about sex. Look at men who show you authentic kindness and friendship joceline. They’re rare diamonds but they do exist.

OP, you sound really hurt. Maybe heartbroken? I’m sorry that you haven’t found someone kind and caring.

I do think of DH as my best friend. I don’t feel the need to defend that but I offer you a different perspective; we have been together since we were early teens, life has thrown all sorts our way in the almost 20 years we have been together and we have love, respect and admiration for one another. We are our most comfortable around one another and are our true selves. I hope you find this some day. I truly do.

It appears that, sadly, you've been "burned" @joseline so it's understandable you feel the way you do.

Fortunately, there are also very many who have not had your experience.

My spouse is my best mate! He's funny. I've had a best mate screw me over before and I'm still alive, it's not going to stop me enjoying what I have right now this minute.

Cheer up love. Feet on the ground, eyes on the sky, the world's just a place and the good's in your eye. As they say.

Respectfully, what nonsense. You’re clearly very hurt about something, but that’s just your experience, not a general rule. And you seem to be assuming that a ‘best friend’ would never betray you. Like @WhatNoRaisins, I’m not keen on the ‘spouse as best friend’ model because no one should be relying solely on one person to meet all their emotional needs, but literally anyone can betray you, regardless of whether they’re your ‘best friend’ or your spouse or both,

I'm sorry your relationship is like that. Mine isnt

The school holidays have obviously started.

Get yourself off YouTube pet @joseline

Including your best friend 😂.

I’m getting divorced and I think this is batshit.

Awful post.

Who pissed in your cornflakes?

You lost me at “y’all” 🙄, but I’ll bite regardless. I’m now single by choice, but this hasn’t been my experience with relationships - even during the worst parts of the worst ones, to my knowledge, none of my exes have ever tried to poison me or kill me.

Sorry you’re feeling so bitter and jaded, but I’d say that your experience of relationships is not the norm, so I’d recommend extensive therapy rather than posting your verbal diarrhea on Mumsnet.

Of course, that would be the advice I’d give if this post was real, but we all know it’s just a bit of glaringly obvious rage bait.

My husband is absolutely my best friend. He's the only person who sees the whole of me, the only person I don't curate myself for.

I've never had friendships where I felt I could be selfish and stroppy and demanding and still be liked. With my husband I know he'll love me anyway.

(the rules apply in reserve too. We take turns to be annoying).