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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New husband turned nasty within the space of months…wtf?

451 replies

Sillygirl1988 · 02/07/2026 20:37

I just want to get some perspective. I got married in October last year. We’ve been together 5 years. One son DS age 4. I don’t fully understand what’s happened but in the last 4 or so months my husband has got progressively nastier and nastier to me to the point I can’t really speak or engage with him because everything is just a dig at me. He’s just getting meaner and meaner and I don’t know why??

It’s hard to put into words but as an example, I only work a half day on Monday. I made a huge effort to go stock the fridge up, come home, clean up and pre cook everyone’s dinner ready. Knowing that my son had sports day and my husband was taking him and then staying for a picnic, I got lots of salady bits in - mini sausages, fruit, nice bread. He went mental and asked me “where the hell is the chicken and beef to actually cook a meal” and that I’d only been to work a few hours. . He broke the glass on the oven door a few weeks ago. I asked if he’d managed to order a replacement. He said he couldn’t afford it (he’s just spent over £100 on trainers) and if I’m so bothered I can replace it myself.

writing it all down seems outrageous he’s acting this way. Everything I do is wrong. I got the wrong bin bags. I pack the dishwasher wrong now. He’s lovely and sweet to our son but suddenly it’s like he hates me!! I had a really important interview for a new job. He didn’t even say good luck or how was it. I’m staring to avoid being around him. Not that I have to avoid his calls or texts. He stopped texting me and calling me in the day a few months ago. I don’t understand what I’m posting for really. I just can’t see why it’s gone downhill so fast.?!

OP posts:
DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 22:47

I haven't RTFT, but OP, my exH also turned really nasty after we were married. And he was so lovey beforehand. They think they have you trapped and their real selves come out. My mistake was to let him think that I would never leave him. If he knows that you can, and will, bust the whole thing up despite having had a wedding and committed in front of everyone a few months ago, he might be a lot nicer to you. I think some of these men know that we don't want to torch the public commitment so soon, and they play on that.

He sounds like my ex, an abusive cunt. Sorry.

ConverselyAttired · 02/07/2026 22:48

AnyDayNowChuckJacksonNSoul · 02/07/2026 22:20

This is not on the op to fix this horrible cunt!!

Show quote history

Quite. Men like this just add it to "the list" of reasons they tell themselves, their mates or their family down the line when the new girlfriend shows up. Not only was "the crazy ex" x,y and z, but a "nag" too.

MrSchubertWhiskers · 02/07/2026 22:49

Mauvish1 · 02/07/2026 22:18

Oh sweetheart - have you married my ex?!

My ex turned nasty when we married - it was as though a switch had been pressed. He also becamse insanely jealous, and tried to separate my from my friends and family. I didn't understand why and I'm still not sure but you know what? It doesn't matter WHY these men do this, what matters is that he is treating you like this.

I think, with my ex, he was wanting to be in control. I'm certain he wasn't, at that point, having an affair (that came later). He said he liked strong women, but he couldn't cope with the idea of one once he'd married one! I spent so much time placating him and trying to soothe the atmosphere so that my daughter (his DSD) didn't pick up on the problems - this was futile, of course, she was only little but still she knew that things weren't right.

I'll warn you about what might happen next, in case your DH has got the same ideas as my ex. When my ex realised that he'd pushed too far and I wanted out, he suddenly switched back to the funny, fun, loving man that he'd been prior to the wedding. He was like that long enough to lure me back in - then the cycle started again. Over and over.

And if I was proving difficult to lure back in, he would threaten suicide. He went into detail about how he'd do this. I couldn't bear the idea that he might do that, not for his sake but because I didn't want my DD to think that was a way out of problems. So I put up with far too much, for far too long, before finally getting rid.

(I also think that was very dangerous - he seemed to think that it was "romantic" if a couple died together and I genuinely think that if I'd shown the slightest wavering over this, he would have been suggesting a "suicide pact". BE VERY WARY!)

It would have been much better for me and for my DD if I'd acted quickly, within that first year of marriage, and divorced him then.

I know it's so difficult. There are all the practical things to consider if you split up, plus it's not easy to admit that your marriage has gone south so soon. But this is, or should be, your honeymoon period. Some honeymoon, huh? It's probably more likely to get worse than to improve. Please take everyone's advice and cut your losses NOW.

Thank you for sharing this, what you've described is a classic abuse cycle and @Sillygirl1988 I hope you take note and let it sit at the back of your mind in case he does a 180 again.

Its how they get you to stay.

Also, I'm curious, op but why your username? Is silly girl something he has called you, or how you think of yourself?

Ilovemyshed · 02/07/2026 22:49
  1. affair
  2. drugs
  3. health issue like a tumour in a frontal lobe

whatever it is, get to the bottom of it.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 02/07/2026 22:50

trebeco · 02/07/2026 21:25

Like a previous poster, I’ve seen this before, but with my good friend. He turned nasty, literally in the cab on the way to the wedding night hotel. Then followed two years of hell that escalated to bad domestic violence.

Do you even need to know the reason? He’s being nasty and emotionally abusive. I would start preparing to leave.

Yes, this happened to a friend of mine when they got married after 13 happy years together. He just turned on a sixpence. Really weird (and no other woman involved although his previous wife was particularly needy).

shhblackbag · 02/07/2026 22:51

Sillygirl1988 · 02/07/2026 20:52

I don’t earn more yet but I recently retrained and have great earning potential. His job is manual and capped at what he can earn.

Bingo! He resents this to high heaven, I bet.

justasking111 · 02/07/2026 22:55

shhblackbag · 02/07/2026 22:51

Bingo! He resents this to high heaven, I bet.

Show quote history

This too is a good point. He's going nowhere. She's going up.

Wetcoatsandmudagain · 02/07/2026 22:55

Sounds textbook behaviour of a Narcissist all charm and wonderful until they got you trapped then you become their property. They pick at everything you do to undermine you and take your confidence away. I would be in trouble with my ex for parking car wrong way round, washing up wrong, buying wrong food, putting shoes in wrong place etc he would keep moving the goalposts so I could never get things right. Slowly they start to isolate you from friends and family etc. I’m not saying your husband is narcissistic but it would definitely be worth reading up about to see if it fits. If so I would recommend seeing a councillor in order to get the help you need to get out safely.

Minasama · 02/07/2026 23:00

I have a brilliant husband who has supported me in all sorts of ways but he definitely resented it when I got an exec leveljob that meant I was less available to cook the tea. He did get better but he found it hard. Lots of men deep down like to be the provider and prefer not to have to lead on the domestic front. Some of them manage to get over this, some don’t.

If your husband is being a sh*t I think you should either ask him what the matter is or start calling him out every time and asking him him why he said that. Maybe make it clear you don’t want to live on eggshells with him being unpleasant to you.

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 02/07/2026 23:00

I bet my house he’s having an affair.

He’s picking fault and fights to justify that he’s not a bad person / husband and it’s all your fault.
He convinces himself that you / the marriage is the problem and it eases his guilt and gives him justification for having an affair.

Please don’t be fooled by the “he’s not the type to cheat”

I too couldn’t understand why my husband started finding fault with EVERYTHING I did.
Joined a gym
Always attached to his phone
Went on a diet
Bought new clothes
Spent more time at work
Became very, very distant.

Im so sorry you are going thru this.
Get into his phone, it will tell you everything!
💐

Boymum2104 · 02/07/2026 23:03

Another woman but he’s trying to push you enough to end it with him

Wallywobbles · 02/07/2026 23:04

Divorce isn’t quick so just keep quiet and prepare everything. Then leave and let him find the divorce papers. But you’ll need to keep a record of his behavior so that you can show that you are not suitable for mediation.

gardenflowergirl · 02/07/2026 23:05

Some men are all nice until they think they've got you - then they show their true colours.

Redburnett · 02/07/2026 23:06

It sounds as though you chose the wrong man to be the father of your son. Whether you stay or leave you are going to have to deal with this man for many years to come, if only over child access and custody arrangements. Perhaps trying being more assertive with DH before you give up. And focus on what is best for your son as much as you can.

B9waiting · 02/07/2026 23:10

Emptyandsad · 02/07/2026 21:25

Obviously you would like to know why he's changed in this way; but ultimately it doesn't matter. Whatever the reason it's unacceptable and you shouldn't (and don't) have to put up with it.

He could have had his head turned; he could have trouble at work that's making him anxious; he could be sick. But you are not his emotional punchbag.

I'm also alarmed that you feel you can't talk to him because he'll cause a row in front of your child. What does that say about your future together? You can never raise any issue with him in case he kicks off? That's not a sustainable position, and it's a terrible example for your son of toxic masculinity in action. Show him an example of a strong woman not putting up with shit from anyone

This! Good luck Op, so sorry you’re in this situation.

Anon501178 · 02/07/2026 23:11

Get out now OP- he is abusive and becoming increasingly so.He may be directly nice to your son but he is being indirectly abusive to him aswell by the way he is treating you.
This will only get worse if you stay - he has shown you his true colours and you can't come back from that.

banmusk · 02/07/2026 23:28

Sillygirl1988 · 02/07/2026 20:52

I don’t earn more yet but I recently retrained and have great earning potential. His job is manual and capped at what he can earn.

You are more accomplished than he is, he resents it and feels threatened. He's throwing his toys outta the pram because he cant be the winner, doesnt feel like the highest ranking person. Crushing you down to make himself feel better @Sillygirl1988

DRose3 · 02/07/2026 23:31

Ime it all points to him leaving you and having his eyes set on someone else. He has checked out of the relationship hence the not contacting you and finding everything you do annoying. Time to cut your losses.

DaIIasMajor · 02/07/2026 23:32

Sillygirl1988 · 02/07/2026 20:52

I don’t earn more yet but I recently retrained and have great earning potential. His job is manual and capped at what he can earn.

Bingo - we see this pattern SO OFTEN on here. This will 100% be one of the triggers. If not the main one.

Girlsjustwannahavefunno1 · 02/07/2026 23:35

SwirlingAroundSleep · 02/07/2026 20:51

Abuse often ramps up when men think they have you trapped, you’re scared to confront him and know he’ll use your son against you. Call women’s aid for you some good advice on how to leave.

This is what i thought too.

Jamlighter · 02/07/2026 23:37

get rid he's an abusive twat

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 02/07/2026 23:38

My ex-husband hit me for the first time four weeks after our wedding. Until then he had been sweetness and light. Leave now as believe me, it will only get worse.

LejlaKapovic · 02/07/2026 23:40

Sillygirl1988 · 02/07/2026 20:41

Spoken About it? He’d just blow up. I’d be trying to cause a fight. Apparently.

Could you speak to someone you trust and he respects, and ask them to be there with you when you bring the topic up? If there's no way to even bring topic of his behaviour up, he's essentially checked out of your marriage...

FaceIt · 02/07/2026 23:40

He’s abusing you, because he thinks he can get away with it now you’re married.

He knows you won’t retaliate because you don’t want your DS to get upset. Your H is a bastard.

Leave him now while your DS is young.

PeoplesNet · 02/07/2026 23:46

Sillygirl1988 · 02/07/2026 20:37

I just want to get some perspective. I got married in October last year. We’ve been together 5 years. One son DS age 4. I don’t fully understand what’s happened but in the last 4 or so months my husband has got progressively nastier and nastier to me to the point I can’t really speak or engage with him because everything is just a dig at me. He’s just getting meaner and meaner and I don’t know why??

It’s hard to put into words but as an example, I only work a half day on Monday. I made a huge effort to go stock the fridge up, come home, clean up and pre cook everyone’s dinner ready. Knowing that my son had sports day and my husband was taking him and then staying for a picnic, I got lots of salady bits in - mini sausages, fruit, nice bread. He went mental and asked me “where the hell is the chicken and beef to actually cook a meal” and that I’d only been to work a few hours. . He broke the glass on the oven door a few weeks ago. I asked if he’d managed to order a replacement. He said he couldn’t afford it (he’s just spent over £100 on trainers) and if I’m so bothered I can replace it myself.

writing it all down seems outrageous he’s acting this way. Everything I do is wrong. I got the wrong bin bags. I pack the dishwasher wrong now. He’s lovely and sweet to our son but suddenly it’s like he hates me!! I had a really important interview for a new job. He didn’t even say good luck or how was it. I’m staring to avoid being around him. Not that I have to avoid his calls or texts. He stopped texting me and calling me in the day a few months ago. I don’t understand what I’m posting for really. I just can’t see why it’s gone downhill so fast.?!

Book a hotel or holiday alone or stay with a friend or family member. Tell him you need time to think. Be cryptic about it. Stop engaging him. Train him basically: only respond when he is polite.

Speak to a solicitor and don't keep it a secret. Don't even ask him questions. Just tell him that you are not living with the man you thought you married and you're looking at all your options.

However, as we know, some men do get violent. Even if you're not expecting it or wouldn't have thought them capable.

So, be careful.