What’s one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self in relation to relationships/marriage?

[user0512]

Hi,

Just saw a video online of a woman explaining what advice she’d give her younger self in relation to relationships/dating/marriage and thought it would be interesting to ask what others would advise.

Lots of great advice on here !

Look at his relationship with his mother. Do they respect each other, while giving each other space? Does he talk down to her? Does she try to control him?

So many threads on here about bad MILs , and speaking from experience, I should have known before I got married, what it would be like.

Don't marry him after he dumped you for someone else then kindly took you back in your devastation

Mine had a great relationship with his mum, still does!!! I thought I was safe, but no!
See above post 😀

Don't think you can change him.
Where there is doubt there is no doubt.

Take note of how s/he acts, what s/he says, etc when s/he's drunk. It shows the real person when the veil is lifted. Are they a "happy" drunk or are they an aggressive/violent/argumentative drunk. It's amazing how accurate it can be as to their future actions/personalities. They can't keep up the act of being a "nice/normal" person when they're drunk if they're not, and over time, they can't keep up the act even when sober - their true self always comes out in the end. Seeing them drunk and taking note will save you a lifetime of pain!

When you hear the name Alice, nip that friendship in the bud.

Never live with a man.

When your sex drive dies in a relationship, that’s your body screaming to tell you something very important.

The body rejects what the mind does not want.

In my particular life - DO NOT marry the first husband and have his child.

You can't polish a turd.

Slow down. In every context.

For the love of God stop taking life advice from Victorian novels. You’re not ‘on the shelf’ at 25 fgs. Also, bisexuality is a thing.

Don’t contract an exclusive lifelong sexual relationship with someone you haven’t managed to orgasm with. I mean, it’s up to you to sort out what that takes, but if they can’t get with the programme required, do yourself a favour and keep looking.

It used to be don’t get married to a lower earner/ drifter / creative follow a dream type.
However the govt is proposing to change cohabitation law so be financially responsible and have share assets with a partner after 3 years so I guess my new advice would be don’t cohabit at all.

Look at how compatible you are in terms of personality and life ambitions. See the potential. Find someone you can grow with. Get your shagging around out the way first.

Hold on to your sense of self - don’t let it get eclipsed by coupledom

Don't fall for the first guy you meet, you'll find 'the one' at uni.

Exactly this.

Also don't marry somebody because you want to escape from your home town.

You will meet the most amazing kind man but not until you are in your mid 30s.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are enough.

You don't have to find someone.

Being single is totally valid.

Unless it's Basildon, in which case chance it.

Don’t ever become financially dependent on a man.
Don’t allow a man to become financially dependent on you.

A massive yes to "get your shagging out of the way first" - of course in a safe way! Don't confuse love and lust - they're very different. Sometimes you may be one of the lucky few to get both in the same person. But most of the time, lust fades and love grows, so choose lust for the short term fun, but find someone to "love" for the long term - highly likely to be different people for the different "purposes"!

Don't do it, go out more, go to university, do what you want. Don't ignore the red flags, ditch him. Go for the career you want, not the one everyone approves of. You have far more time than you think, there's no rush.

But also don't fall for someone at Uni if they're not "the one". Not everyone finds their life partner at Uni either, even though there's more choice in one place. Lots of Uni students, more so these days, aren't "out there" in the bars and clubs etc and more and more lectures/seminars are online, so meeting "the one" at Uni isn't as likely these days as it used to be. Still, take your time, be patient and don't take "good enough" or second best - be true to yourself and wait for the right person. I know a couple of students who felt "under pressure" to couple-up at Uni and it didn't work for either of them - as they didn't find the right person, so chose people who they thought were near enough!

22 is too young to get married

If he has a very low sex drive at 20, there's a chance he's gay and trying not to be.