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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend leaves me repeatedly

109 replies

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:34

So , my boyfriend left me a few days after his birthday. I mean for most of our relationship he always had one foot out the door. I just wanted to build and be committed. He told me so does he. We have a lot of history but he kept getting worse , I can’t put the whole relationship or story on here but recently we were split , he reached out after I went silent , then his birthday came up and I invited him over he was down and we had a great time I thought maybe we were back on track we made love etc , he then struggled with some family issues then a few days went by and I got a long goodbye message…..
blaming things on nonexistent issues….
i then said nothing and we bumped into each other on a beach !
we enjoyed each other , flirted kissed etc , we made love he was telling me that he’s always had feelings and they’re deep feelings. We made love , in the morning I woke up to him telling me he thinks I’m a liar and we didn’t meet on the beach by accident, apparently I planned the whole thing, he went nuts , saying I’m lying , he’s been trying to leave me but I keep coming back even though he participates in it too !
he tells me how much he “loves me”
he’s now left me again … told me I was the one who fucked it , clearly manipulated me…. Used me and I’m just heartbroken as I wanted us to have a clean slate , that’s what I said to him and for him to just commit to the it relationship … he spoke about the so called “drama” he doesn’t like but he literally created it…. I just feel terrible

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 24/06/2026 22:37

Take control of the situation, and leave him for good.

He could just be using you as a friend with benefits.

Decacaffeinatednow · 24/06/2026 22:39

You’re a booty call. Nothing else.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 24/06/2026 22:39

He doesn’t want the same as you if he keeps leaving, sounds like a control game to me!

vodkaredbullgirl · 24/06/2026 22:40

Run and don't look back

Sassylovesbooks · 24/06/2026 22:40

How old is your boyfriend, 15????!!! I'm sorry OP, but I wouldn't put up with all this drama and immaturity. Your boyfriend isn't interested in a committed relationship with you, that's about the crux of it. He likes you enough to keep dipping in and out of your life and having sex with you, but that's it.

Honestly, you would be better off, accepting that the relationship isn't going to work and cutting contact. He'll no doubt come crawling back, wanting to draw you back into the neverending cycle, of picking you up on a whim and dumping you again.

You deserve much better.

HappyToSmile · 24/06/2026 22:41

Time for you to take control. Nothing will change unless you change something. Be strong and Stay finished with him. Of course he keeps coming back when you go silent because then he has control and keeps you dangling on that string.

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:42

We have been in a relationship for a year guys , sorry should have given more back story and he was very committed, then he got diagnosed with depression and everything went down hill and he says how much he loves me but keeps doing this cycle.

OP posts:
Decacaffeinatednow · 24/06/2026 22:43

Just leave. Don’t get dragged down.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 24/06/2026 22:44

He’s a dick 🤷‍♀️

Don’t keep taking him back and move on.

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:45

He has made me feel crazy or question myself and made me feel terribly sad and down. I really wanted us to work out and he made out like he did too ! When I pointed out that he clearly uses me he really fought back against that!
yesterday he just kept calling me a liar and he would just abuse me after making love to me

OP posts:
Justchillinhere · 24/06/2026 22:46

You need to let him go or you'll just have a yo-yo toxic life forever. You are worth so much more,block on everything and live your life without him, he won't change, nothing will change until he's out of your life, get rid yesterday

beasmithwentworth · 24/06/2026 22:48

Please extract yourself from this toxic relationship. A year or 2 down the line you will see him and this for what it was and be so glad you got out of it.

It’s completely unhealthy and the longer it goes on the more cumulative damage it will do to your self esteem. It will erode you.

Please walk away and don’t look back no matter how hard he tried to get you back as he 100% will.

This type of man has a pattern and it’s very predictable .

DramaAndBullshit · 24/06/2026 22:50

This is an incredibly toxic pattern, stop taking him back, this isn’t love, it’s infatuation and lust. All this ‘we had a great time and made love’ may be what you see in romance films but in real life he’s just horny and you’re being love bombed and then dropped. It’s classic toxic behaviour. A year is not a long relationship, block him, avoid anywhere you think you might bump into him and maybe do some kind of self care, like therapy, so you don’t fall for this kind of knobhead again.

WarthogWoman · 24/06/2026 22:51

“I just want him to be committed” Well he can’t- he isn’t capable. And, having been where you are I would have a look at yourself and ask why you are drawn to this drama and emotional unavailability. You need to cut contact and be single until you have worked on your own issues.

GreenCandleWax · 24/06/2026 22:52

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:42

We have been in a relationship for a year guys , sorry should have given more back story and he was very committed, then he got diagnosed with depression and everything went down hill and he says how much he loves me but keeps doing this cycle.

Tell him its not good enough, and you intend to find and do better than this and stop wasting your precious time with him. Mean it, and block, and raise your sights so that no one is ever able to mess with you like this again. Putting up with his kind of manipulative stuff is really bad for you. Move on, take control and learn from it. Good luck OP.🍀

suburberphobe · 24/06/2026 22:53

He has made me feel crazy or question myself and made me feel terribly sad and down.

Read that back to yourself OP. Is that how you want to go through life?

A good man won't treat a woman like that.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 24/06/2026 22:54

vodkaredbullgirl · 24/06/2026 22:40

Run and don't look back

Nooooo - run, look back and cackle 😂🤣 then carry on running!

gamerchick · 24/06/2026 22:57

He is using you. You're a booty call. He knows he can get a shag and put you back in a box until the next time he wants his leg over.

Tell him to fuck off and don't fall for a h love bombing and empty words.

fireandlightening · 24/06/2026 22:59

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:42

We have been in a relationship for a year guys , sorry should have given more back story and he was very committed, then he got diagnosed with depression and everything went down hill and he says how much he loves me but keeps doing this cycle.

Time for you to do the leaving - for good.

FictionalCharacter · 24/06/2026 23:03

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:42

We have been in a relationship for a year guys , sorry should have given more back story and he was very committed, then he got diagnosed with depression and everything went down hill and he says how much he loves me but keeps doing this cycle.

None of that changes the fact that he's using you and lying about being committed. The only way to preserve your health and sanity is to bin him for good. Stop listening to him and trying to analyse what he says, he's a liar.

Noodleschicken · 24/06/2026 23:07

Change your thought process - focus your energies on something new - maybe a running club, or a second job to earn extra money / meet new people / an evening college course.
get something new in your life. And when that happens you will find it easier to say goodbye to something old in your life.

Alucard55 · 24/06/2026 23:07

A lot of these types of posts recently.
AI?

SylvanMoon · 24/06/2026 23:15

@Blondie35 if you aren't in your early 20s (which you sound like from your posts), then you really need a reality check in terms of what you're expecting from a relationship and what you seem to be settling for. And even if you are under 25, get a grip. This guy is a user and is screwing you, not "making love" to you. And he will continue to do so as long as you allow him to. And regardless of how old you are, I sincerely hope you've been using contraception during these sexual encounters. If you've any sense and any self-esteem, get rid of him.

durdledoris · 24/06/2026 23:24

Throw this one back op

Pinkissmart · 24/06/2026 23:26

Just leave