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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend leaves me repeatedly

109 replies

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:34

So , my boyfriend left me a few days after his birthday. I mean for most of our relationship he always had one foot out the door. I just wanted to build and be committed. He told me so does he. We have a lot of history but he kept getting worse , I can’t put the whole relationship or story on here but recently we were split , he reached out after I went silent , then his birthday came up and I invited him over he was down and we had a great time I thought maybe we were back on track we made love etc , he then struggled with some family issues then a few days went by and I got a long goodbye message…..
blaming things on nonexistent issues….
i then said nothing and we bumped into each other on a beach !
we enjoyed each other , flirted kissed etc , we made love he was telling me that he’s always had feelings and they’re deep feelings. We made love , in the morning I woke up to him telling me he thinks I’m a liar and we didn’t meet on the beach by accident, apparently I planned the whole thing, he went nuts , saying I’m lying , he’s been trying to leave me but I keep coming back even though he participates in it too !
he tells me how much he “loves me”
he’s now left me again … told me I was the one who fucked it , clearly manipulated me…. Used me and I’m just heartbroken as I wanted us to have a clean slate , that’s what I said to him and for him to just commit to the it relationship … he spoke about the so called “drama” he doesn’t like but he literally created it…. I just feel terrible

OP posts:
Willsmer · 25/06/2026 04:48

He is not you boyfriend. if he was he would treat you with courtesy and respect. break up with him and walk way and do not look back thinking, oh he will change. he will not.

RoseField1 · 25/06/2026 04:52

This relationship is BAD. You are wasting your time and your youth on a mess of a bad relationship. Please find some self esteem and block him for your own good.

Tablesandchairs23 · 25/06/2026 05:41

Why do you allow him to treat you like this?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 25/06/2026 06:02

Relationships are not meant to be like this. Please take control of the situation by dumping his sorry arse.

PetulaGordeno · 25/06/2026 07:04

He’s not making love to you.
He’s using you for sex.

BlueSlate · 25/06/2026 07:34

Just step back for a moment, OP.

Is this how you want to he treated by a boyfriend or the relationship you want with a boyfriend?

Because, regardless of what he might have said on the past (and words are easy) this is the 'relationship' you have.

I'll be honest with you, I'm a parent to two 20somethings. Like most parents, I can reflect and think about how I'd have done some things differently but giving my childen a sense of their own value and worth and knowing that neither of them would tolerate a situation like this (because they haven't), is something I got absolutely right. You should be feeling disdain and contempt for this man and nothing more. You would if you were my daughter.

Stop looking at what he said in the past or the promises he made and look at how he is actually treating you because that's the important part.

sammylady37 · 25/06/2026 07:35

It’s not making love. He’s fucking you, literally and figuratively.

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 25/06/2026 07:38

He doesn’t want you but wants sex.
Don’t waste anymore time on this guy, he will take your time and opportunities to find someone who actually loves you. Dont let him throw your life down the river. Leave this guy, someone better is out there for you.

MsGreying · 25/06/2026 07:56

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:42

We have been in a relationship for a year guys , sorry should have given more back story and he was very committed, then he got diagnosed with depression and everything went down hill and he says how much he loves me but keeps doing this cycle.

You've been in a relationship but he hasn't.

Respect yourself and get rid of this emotional energy drain.

Manonhere · 25/06/2026 08:06

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:45

He has made me feel crazy or question myself and made me feel terribly sad and down. I really wanted us to work out and he made out like he did too ! When I pointed out that he clearly uses me he really fought back against that!
yesterday he just kept calling me a liar and he would just abuse me after making love to me

Do you not think you're worth more than this? He doesn't want a relationship... being brutal you are just an empty for him when he feels like it!

Rubyslipperswitch · 25/06/2026 08:16

OP people treat you the way you allow then to treat you...

You are enabling his behaviour by taking him back every time.

He has no respect for you. Dump him.

Calliopespa · 25/06/2026 08:19

Blondie35 · 24/06/2026 22:45

He has made me feel crazy or question myself and made me feel terribly sad and down. I really wanted us to work out and he made out like he did too ! When I pointed out that he clearly uses me he really fought back against that!
yesterday he just kept calling me a liar and he would just abuse me after making love to me

This is just awful Op.

He is using you then regretting it. Don't let him.

There is nothing to be gained from this relationship. Move on.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 25/06/2026 09:32

Block him on your way phone.

cuckoolodger · 25/06/2026 09:50

Jesus costar it sounds like he can’t stand you and is using you for sex and emotional manipulation for kicks. What exactly do you get from this apart from your boundaries constantly being prided and your confidence destroyed??

Look at the evidence. He’s a liar. A manipulator. He pucks you up when it suits him and drops you and blames YOU when he cba anymore. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. He isn’t going to change. Like my Nam used to say, do what you you have always done, you will get what you have always got. It’s on YOU to raise your standards, improves your self esteem and work out why you are ok with being treated this way and take steps to prevent it in the future with your next relationship. Otherwise men like this will always find you and you will always be unhappy. And I’m not saying this to hurt you, I spent 3 years with a monster like this and it almost killed me. I couldn’t understand how other women had good men and the simple truth is that their standards and boundaries are crystal clear and much stronger and they say NO and get rid the second a man shows an ugly/nasty side. End of. That’s just basic first stage filtration . Then you need to stay watching if they pass. Get rid if they try to push/use emotional tactics or change your friendships/ behaviour. As you only stay in a relationship if the man respects you(even if he disagrees you over something). And if the good times far far outweigh the negatives. For me the balance is 75% good minimum as we all go through tough times and struggles.

Blondie35 · 25/06/2026 09:50

BlueSlate · 25/06/2026 07:34

Just step back for a moment, OP.

Is this how you want to he treated by a boyfriend or the relationship you want with a boyfriend?

Because, regardless of what he might have said on the past (and words are easy) this is the 'relationship' you have.

I'll be honest with you, I'm a parent to two 20somethings. Like most parents, I can reflect and think about how I'd have done some things differently but giving my childen a sense of their own value and worth and knowing that neither of them would tolerate a situation like this (because they haven't), is something I got absolutely right. You should be feeling disdain and contempt for this man and nothing more. You would if you were my daughter.

Stop looking at what he said in the past or the promises he made and look at how he is actually treating you because that's the important part.

Thank you for this message truly

OP posts:
Blondie35 · 25/06/2026 09:52

Just want to write this message to honestly thank you all ! Truly

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 25/06/2026 09:59

He’s not ‘making love’ to you - he’s shagging you. There is no love whatsoever coming from this guy.

summitfever · 25/06/2026 10:00

Depression is not an excuse for treating you like shit and being a user. The mask has slipped, this is the real guy. Never believe anything he tells you, judge on what he shows you. He’s showing you he’s a selfish gaslighter l. I guarantee you this is it now, it will never get better.

Blondie35 · 25/06/2026 10:07

rainbowstardrops · 25/06/2026 09:59

He’s not ‘making love’ to you - he’s shagging you. There is no love whatsoever coming from this guy.

It’s just the way I say it making love , just how say it that’s all

OP posts:
Kerrylass · 25/06/2026 10:12

OP his not for you ....Loving someone should make you feel cared for and protected, This relationship is hurting you. Step away now and block.

You deserve better

Noddyspointyhat · 25/06/2026 10:12

He does this because you allow it.

So stop allowing it and find someone who wants to commit to you - at the moment he's only committed to himself.

BleedinglyObvious · 25/06/2026 10:20

Stop taking him back.

MammaTo · 25/06/2026 10:30

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

BleedinglyObvious · 25/06/2026 10:34

Block him on your phone and your social media, Avoid places where you'll bump into him.
You'll hurt but the hurt will stop.

You don't love him, you love the idea of the him he presented when you first met.

Blondie35 · 25/06/2026 10:47

MammaTo · 25/06/2026 10:30

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Samantha !!!

OP posts: