My boyfriend leaves me repeatedly

[Blondie35]

So , my boyfriend left me a few days after his birthday. I mean for most of our relationship he always had one foot out the door. I just wanted to build and be committed. He told me so does he. We have a lot of history but he kept getting worse , I can’t put the whole relationship or story on here but recently we were split , he reached out after I went silent , then his birthday came up and I invited him over he was down and we had a great time I thought maybe we were back on track we made love etc , he then struggled with some family issues then a few days went by and I got a long goodbye message…..
blaming things on nonexistent issues….
i then said nothing and we bumped into each other on a beach !
we enjoyed each other , flirted kissed etc , we made love he was telling me that he’s always had feelings and they’re deep feelings. We made love , in the morning I woke up to him telling me he thinks I’m a liar and we didn’t meet on the beach by accident, apparently I planned the whole thing, he went nuts , saying I’m lying , he’s been trying to leave me but I keep coming back even though he participates in it too !
he tells me how much he “loves me”
he’s now left me again … told me I was the one who fucked it , clearly manipulated me…. Used me and I’m just heartbroken as I wanted us to have a clean slate , that’s what I said to him and for him to just commit to the it relationship … he spoke about the so called “drama” he doesn’t like but he literally created it…. I just feel terrible

No

It’s not even a year if you believe her thread a month ago when she said they had been together 7 months

He may not even realize what he is doing, but he is using you for an ego boost and sexual gratification. Making you chase him gives him something. This is not a healthy relationship.

Don't waste your time with him. He sounds manipulative and immature. Find someone who doesn't make you secondguess yourself.Dont know your age but life's short and if you want children, you may suddenly find that your window has passed and that he's still messing you around or that he's suddenly met 'the one' and goes and marries them straightaway. Know your value. Don't get entangled with this one any further. There won't be a happy ending here.

More fool you.

Honestly, that sounds harsh but people only get to repeatedly treat you like shit if you let them.

Don't let him back and block his number.

The OP most definitely isn't AI.

They say actions speak louder than words for a good reason, listen to what his actions are telling you because his words are just made up words to get what he wants in that moment.

I agree. You could keep this up for years till he finally leaves for a new victim. Please end it now and save yourself more years of stupid drama and pain.

Bin him

But you SHOULD have walked away. He is testing how shitty your boundaries are and how low your self respect is.

walk away. Stop looking back.

True. How can you love him when he treats you like shit?

OP, your boyfriend sounds like a Dismissive Avoidant and in my experience it never ends well. The running away and returning when convenient is pure manipulation. It's a control tactic called Intermittent Reinforcement, he's training you to accept the bare minimum and every time he comes back you'll be so grateful and happy he can get away with a little bit more shitty behaviour each time.

This kind of person doesn't change, the dynamic just becomes more and more unequal.

"Making love" is not a term you hear very often anymore and for good reason. Sex isn't reinforcing love, they exist entirely separately.

@Blondie35 was the beach run-in an accident or did you know he’d be there? It seems to me you desperately want him back, and he can give you sex but then wishes he hadn’t and blames you for him being weak and not sticking to what he’s decided - that he doesn’t want this relationship.

Time to go your separate ways once and for all.

Aye but not too depressed to pop up on his Birthday for a present and a ride.
Get rid op.

a year should still be all unicorns and rainbows. Depression or not, this isn't going to work out well.

Beach run was a complete accident , ovbs I know he goes there but I didn’t know he would be there the same day I went!

No you aren’t or you wouldn’t be seeking this dynamic

Exactly !

Definitely not seeking the dynamic am I , a lot of people sadly get caught in these dynamics with avoidant people and manipulative ones. It wasn’t all shit , which I am now getting out so thanks

This guy isn't your boyfriend. He's just someone who will sleep with you now and again. Find someone who actually wants what you want.

You need to ask yourself why do you keep letting him treat you like this? Because you are.

You have some power in this to stop and say no. Unless you're addicted to drama who on earth could live this way?

He is not your one and he doesn't love you. People in love don't act this way. Surely you deserve better? This cannot be the life you dreamed of?

It doesn't have to be this hard, wake yourself up out of this nightmare.

Thank you for this comment ! Really helpful

I have just read your previous threads with my head in my hands.
You sound like a really talented person with a lot to offer and you are continually being used and abused.
The first few months together should be fantastic. Instead you are being used for sex and manipulated by a man who calls you a liar and a c*nt.
Stay with him and it will get worse. You will end up giving up on your singing, you will become even more of a shell which is exactly what he wants.
Why? Because he’s an abuser and he wants control over you. Forget all the flowery language it means nothing.
Stay away from him and his mother as well.
Let him go and find someone else to
use.
If you don’t act now it will get worse. It never, ever gets better.

DD 23 said ‘tell him to fuck off……oh no - just shoot him so that he doesn’t do this to someone else’.

He only wants you for sex! Men'll say anything to get it. And he keeps leaving and coming back because he can. You allow it. Leave him for good and don't let him back! He'll probably be shocked and ramp up the love bombing but stick to your guns!! You deserve better!