AIBU to feel put off by my partner's dancing at parties

[YourChicCat]

AIBU for thinking this.
Im dating somebody who is everything I want and need. But I can’t help but get the ick about his dancing. I Noticed at a party he just seemed so… stiff. Uncoordinated and stiff.
I love a dance at a party and I don’t mean I want him to move like a dancer. But at least have some slight rhythm or fluidity. I felt a bit embarrassed and I’m ashamed to say that out loud 😔 I’m kind of over thinking it a bit and thinking about future events. I do not want to feel embarrassed. I don’t even know if anyone else would notice or care.. but it’s just how it made me feel

honest opinions welcome

I could have written this myself….i wish I had 2 left feet then at least one would have some rhythm…my trotters move like they both belong to someone else on another planet! Just HOW do people dance?

My late DH was an appalling dancer, completely out of time, every time.
He did the Twist at a Status Quo concert with everyone around him head-banging! 😆
But - he was a kind, caring, gentle man, who was so loved by so many people, and missed by even more.
His odd “dancing” was just an endearing quirk.
If stuff like this matters to you,OP, then I’m sorry.
Im glad it didn’t matter to me.

I think this means you don’t care about him strongly enough as you’d think he was adorable if you were looking through affectionate eyes ..not for you OP

100% this.

Elaine Benes has entered the chat

Very few men from this part of the world are good at dancing haha

You’re welcome to have my DH for parties/weddings he thinks he’s John Travolta.

Not read all the posts.

How about suggest that you both together attend dance classes?
That way, you are saying that you want to improve too (even if you think that’s it’s just him that needs it), and it may also help him with any confidence issues, and hopefully you’ll have fun learning together.
Just a thought.

I do actually think the body has its own intelligence and this has happened to me before. I trust the ick. In my case I found the person a bit boring and the dancing was the straw that broke the camels back.

If it's important to you and he turns out to be a long term partner, take him to dance lessons. Anyone can learn eventually, and it's really good fun and a good social thing anyway. Plus there are tons of different styles and music, bound to be something you/he like (or at least don't hate!)

he gets drunk and does some ‘funny’ moves

Hang on, isn't this rather worse than just" he isn't a very good dancer" in that case?!

My DH is a bit like this in the dance floor. We got together early 20s and it did make me cringe a bit when I first saw him dancing and I did wonder what some of my friends might think. But it soon became apparent they liked him a lot for all the reasons I did and they didn't give a damn about his dancing. God knows all the ways I embarrassed him, but fortunately he got over those and hasn't mentioned them to me, just as I haven't mentioned his to him.

We've been married for decades now. We rarely dance. But all those other great aspects of his character are still there and we've been through ups and downs together that a great dancer who wasn't also funny and clever and loyal and kind, and a dozen other positives, might not have made it through.

I thought you were going to say it was the other way round! Like taking himself seriously and acting like a professional dancer on Strictly with outlandish moves. Id find that a bit cringey.
He sounds endearing. A bit stiff but joining in anyway and having fun. Like everyone else. No one else is judging him other than you.

Does this stem from your ex being a decent dancer, or you having better dance chemistry previously? I think “comparison being the thief of joy” may be at play a little here?

I personally think The Ick could be some kind of weird evolutionary sex thing signalling that you’re going to lose all attraction to him in a couple of years if you settle. But if he’s a good bloke and everything otherwise ticks along then I could probably see past it. I’ve been married for many years and thankfully I rarely have to witness my husband dancing now unless it’s a wedding or similar and I’m sure he would say the same about my efforts.

Are you dating Mr. Bean?

Do dance lessons that teach you to disco dance actually exist? I'd get it if it's ballroom classes or similar, but the whole idea of disco dancing (unless you're doing it as a professional, maybe) is that you do it spontaneously and instinctively, surely?

It's like trying to 'teach' somebody to enjoy listening to music, or indeed 'teaching' an introvert to be an extrovert.

Where I live, some dance studios teach disco-style dancing. But even if the two of you learned how to do a few basic dances, ChaCha, Jitterbug, even the Macarena or waltz, he might incorporate some less embarrassing moves. It could hardly make him worse. Just a thought,

♥️

My ex used to dance so strangely. Honestly used to look like he was having a mini fit or something. It was so gross. In nature many animals use dance as a mating ritual… I think maybe there’s something in it for humans too…

When DH was my boyfriend we were dancing in club .A guy came up and seriously asked if I needed 'rescuing' because DH's moves were so bad. I had to say "No.It's ok. He's my boyfriend".

Shallow is a qualifier. Of course there are shallow reasons to find something/somebody unattractive.

Mine think he’s a pro dancer but is all over the place doing all sorts of weird moves, and I’m a bit more reserved - I try not to take up too much space and keep my moves quite minimal. It was a bit off putting at first but I’m over it.

It’s a sweet idea but I don’t think anyone is pulling out the cha cha or jitterbug on the dancefloor these days lol

Is he considerate? Is he pleasant to be around? Thoughtful? Does he have a good sense of humor? Is he good in bed? Do you have interests in common? Do you both like some of the same things? Is he a good earner? Is he generous with his time and money? Is he honest?

If there are enough yes answers to the questions above, then remember that dancing can be taught. He will never be great at it, but he can get better.